(Closed) My mom is refusing to come to the wedding..

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I would be honest, that my mother is having some health problems and will not be able to make it.

It sounds like you all recognize she has mental health issues. Have you tried to get her to see a Dr?  Its possible with the right meds she will be able to manage her diagnoses and be “normal” enought to enjoy and come to your wedding.

 

Post # 4
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@AirForceFiance:

Could you use some sort of euphemism that would still feel somewhat honest? E.g., “unfortunately, she’s not well and attending would be far too exhausting for her”?

By The Way, has your family tried to get her into some kind of treatment or therapy? I’m not saying it would fix the problem, but hormonal/chemical imbalances can often be moderated by proper medication and treatment. I feel so bad for your poor dad!

Post # 6
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@AirForceFiance: Don’t be embarassed! Its not you and doesnt reflect on you. Especially if your father will be there.

Its a diseas of the mind. Just like alcoholism, diabetes, high blood pressure, altzheimers etc. They are all medical ailments some affect the body and some affect the mind. I am not embarassed of myself due to my medical condition of my family that has any of the above illnesses, so please don’t be embarassed about your mom if she isnt even there. 

I think it would look worse if you didnt explain her lack of presence and a short, truthful explanation will work best. “She is ill and will not be able to come”.  If they persist with questions I would just call her “Mentally ill or unstable” People will stop asking after that.

Post # 7
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

No need to be embarrassed.  His family surely understands.  Those who do not yet know will understand as well.  What if things were switched and your FI’s mom had these issues?  Would you love him any less?  Would your dad turn his nose up at him or his mom?  Probably not.  Everyone will understand and will likely be sympathetic and helpful.  Don’t look at your situation as your glass being half empty.  Think of it as being half full.  Be thankful for the understanding and support of those who have offered.  And be especially thankful for your terrific Mother-In-Law to be.  As I’m sure you know, a lot of ladies don’t have that!

Post # 8
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Does she usually leave the house, or is it hard to get her to go out?

If she is used to going out, your Dad and brother could just pretend to be taking her out to lunch and take her to the doctor instead. I strongly urge you to do some research about doctors in your area and call a few of them and get their advice on how to handle the situation. From what I’ve heard, people with those kinds of illnesses tend to be very resistant to being diagnosed–but it’s not fair to your mom that she should have to live that kind of life when proper treatment might make things better and easier for everyone.

I know this isn’t really answering your original question anymore, but seriously, someone needs to try to get her help. The problem isn’t going to go away on its own–in fact, it will probably get worse over time.

Post # 9
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@AirForceFiance: I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through that. It’s tough when it’s your Mom. If I were you I most likely wouldn’t have her come which would be a very very hard decision. Now I’m going to suggest something that I don’t know if anyone would actually do but…if you think she is truly in need of help, why don’t you Baker Act her? It might be the only way she will get help. I’m suggesting this but honestly I don’t know if I’d be able to do it myself.

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