(Closed) My mom is threatening not to come to my wedding

posted 5 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

If it were me, I’d have the wedding I want; not the one my mother was demanding.  If your FI hates the church, don’t make him get married there, it will taint the occasion for him forever (as wasthe case with my husband).  

If he’s closer to ambivilant like you are, then you have to weigh the value of the ceremony you want against the ring/dress that you want… which is a higher priority?

The thing with family heirlooms is that you can’t really count on using them until they’re in your posession.  I have lost count of the # of brides who have had a similar issue.  What about your dad, or a sibling of her’s? Is there anyone who can be on your side for this conversation who also knows that you had always expected and planned to inherit the rings? 

Post # 4
Member
12624 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would pay for the pre-cana for the sake of the family.  You did tell her this church ceremony was what you were going to do (motivations aside, of course), and pre-cana is part of that.  I get your gument that she should pay, but now, for the sake of everyone’s sanity, I’d just pay and do it.

Post # 5
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@abbie017:  +1

IMO, I would rather pay for the pre-cana and have my mother at my wedding then not.

Post # 7
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee

Suck it up, pay for pre-cana to get the dress and the ring. 

I think in 20 years it would matter more to you that you don’t have your grandmothers ring, then what kind of fit your mother threw.

Post # 8
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Like you said, everyone always gives in and does what she wants. So that’s why she’s putting up a fight. She knows eventually you’ll give her what she wants. And like a child she’s using the money and ring to her advantage. Everyone has a different relationship with their families. I know if my mom didn’t like something, she’ll eventually get over it because she would never miss my wedding. Even if she threaten not to show up. And although, I would care if she didn’t but , I won’t give in. I am not religious at all. I’m an existentialist and if any of my family members, all catholic church goers, had a problem, I’m fine with them not going. Its not about them, its about you and your FI and what you want. 

Post # 9
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Well, I’m pretty stubborn and also very not into church, so if it was ME, I’d call her bluff. She’s not going to NOT go to her daughter’s wedding…I’m sure of it. She’s trying to emotionally manipulate you. Not cool.

Post # 10
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yeah, call her bluff.  She’s just trying to manipulate you – she’s not going to miss her daughter’s wedding.

Also, have the wedding you want and pay for it if you need to.  It makes a mockery of the church to get married there if you don’t believe in it.

Post # 11
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I do not think you should pay for the pre-cana, or get married in the Catholic church. Neither of you associate with the Catholic religion anymore, so why would you get married and promise to raise your children in that belief system?

Personally, I think if you get married in the church it would be making a mockery of marriage, not the other way around.

Post # 12
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Double post. Oops.

Post # 13
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I thought you said your mom was a Catholic? What is with the blackmail, bribery and threats? I don’t like her attitude, it seems non-Christian-like to me. Your mom’s behavior is selfish and cruel. I wouldn’t do anything she wanted me to do if I didn’t agree with it.

Post # 15
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@kariface:  That is just sad. I’m Catholic, but choose to be, and I think that makes all the difference. FI and I found a church we loved without any input from our families. It’s upsetting because forcing people into the church is just going to make them pull away from it, and view it in a negative way.

Post # 16
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee

NVM read the update.

But I still dont think you are making a mockery of anyones faith by getting married in the catholic church

ETA: I has the dumb fingers today

The topic ‘My mom is threatening not to come to my wedding’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors