Post # 1
Recently, FH and I have been throwing around the idea of a kids-free wedding. There will be booze, my friends are stoners (who may smoke pot outside the venue), the food is more “exotic”…I don’t think any of that makes it a kid-friendly wedding. <br>
Well, I told my mom we were debating the idea and she flipped. She is hell bent on her 2 nephews (my cousins) being invited. They are 10+12 (I think) and ill-behaved (in my opinion). She is now threatening not to come to my wedding if I don’t invite my cousins.
The easy answer : fine, don’t come. But she is my mom. That is really hard for me since she is one of my best friends and I love her lots.<br>
At this point, it’s not even about inviting kids or not for me. Fine, I’ll invite them if that means that much to her (keep in mind this whole fight stemmed from a hypothetical idea we were tossing around). But the fact that she threatened to not show up to my wedding to get her way? Really hurts. And now I’m afraid she’ll keep busting that out everytime she wants her way regarding wedding planning.<br>
What would you do if you were in my shoes? Thanks for letting me vent – this really sucks. I’m surprised at how hurt I am by her behavior.
Post # 3
@kateisstoned: How many other children would also be at the wedding? Could you invite those two and set an age limit on the others?
I would have a talk with her. Explain to her this is your wedding, and she will not be allowed to emotionally manipulate you in decisions or you will leave her out of all planning.
10 and 12 are decent ages to attend weddings. I would make sure though you have someone to watch them.
Post # 4
I would tell your mom that she is welcome to voice her opinions, but to emotionally blackmail you is bullshit. In a nicer way, of course!
Post # 5
@kateisstoned: I think that it’s pretty sucky that your mom is trying to make you feel guilty about not inviting your younger cousins. I for one am doing the same thing (not inviting my younger cousins – or anyone below the age of 17 for that matter)… Anyway, You have to tell her that you and your Fiance are paying for this wedding – this is your day and your money. You may choose to do what you want. Honestly, I say call her bluff… tell her you are paying for this and it’s your day and you choose to do what you want.. and if she doesn’t understand that, that is her problem. I’m pretty sure that your mom would not skip out on your wedding day to prove a point.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
She’s the one that will come out looking bad for missing her daughter’s wedding. Stick to your guns especially if they’re ill-behaved children. If more parents were responsible and hired babysitters or controlled their children in public, then maybe there wouldn’t be so many brides and grooms choosing to exclude children from weddings.
Post # 7
Whilst you are within your rights not to invite children, she is within her rights not to come if younger family members are excluded. She is not within her rights to blackmail you, but if she is just telling you a fact (“for me, when it comes to family, it is all or nothing, I am afraid. Therefore…”) then she has every right to have an opinion. It is also nice that she is a lady of principles, is it not? At least she is honest with you… even if she could probably have been nicer about how she expressed it!
I would have a word to the parents and tell them straight up that there may be people smoking pot at your venue. If they are cool with their kids being exposed to that, fine. If not, you have an out… you invited the kids and the parents said no. That means you aren’t the bad guy!