Post # 1
So, my FH and I have pretty much decided to get married in August, before the rainy season starts, and one of the nicest months of the year in Seattle. However, my mom got married on the last day in August back in the 80s, and has since been divorced from my father for the better part of a decade.
Compounded with my wanting to elope (which she has known for years), this August thing threw her for a loop. She became short with me, acted very upset, as if she just couldn’t bear to see another person get married in August because it used to have significant meaning to her. I doubt she would be like this if she was still married — and nowadays, she takes the entire month of August (almost ten years post-divorce) to feel sorry for herself.
I am almost considering not doing it in August just not to ruffle feathers, but if it’s what I want — is it really such a bad thing? Plus, if she isn’t going to be present, and it’s one of the few months that is consistently sunny in the new state I live, I don’t think I should have to give it up just because she happened to get married in the same month, and is now pissed that she can’t celebrate a wedding anniversary.
Am I being a huge bitch, or is an August still “allowed” to happen?
Post # 3
Wait what?! Your mom shouldnt have any say in when you want to get married. Yes August has meaning to her, but its time to get over that! Maybe you getting married in August will give her a new look on the month. Go with what YOU want.
Post # 4
@elle_z: Wowza. Your mother needs to let the past go. She can’t claim a month. Get married when YOU want to. I’m sorry she feels sad, but that’s something she has to work with.
Post # 5
Your mom isn’t freaking out about August.
She’s freaking out that 1. you’re eloping and 2. you’ll be a full-fledged independent adult (regardless of whether you were before now or not, it’s a huge social signal to get married). She is choosing this to cling to to trigger her.
I don’t have a lot of advice other than to stand your ground and do what you want. Weddings are, in large part, about establishing boundaries for a new fledgling family (you and your FI). Stand firm on your choices!
Post # 6
Nobody owns a month. That’s absurd.
Get married when you want, and when you can swing the logistics with the venue, caterer, officiant, etc. There are SO many more factors that go into setting a date than your mom’s issues! If you want to extend an olive branch, look for a date earlier in August to avoid her actual anniversary, but it’s high time for her to put on her big girl panties.
PS: if you have a pre-determined date and your mom knows about it ahead of time, you’re not actually eloping.
Post # 7
August is the unofficial Self Indulgent Mope Fest Month?
I hate to see people upset, but more than that I abhor a person that actually interferes with other people’s lives and plans JUST because they’re feelings got hurt…that has got to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!
Tell your Mom that it’s August or bust, she can either shape up or shut up and you can sweeten the pot by promising an uniterrupted river of Bryers Ice Cream and boxes of Kleenex to facilitate her moping at some other time.
Post # 8
Get married in August.
Your mother is being completely selfish and unreasonable. I can understand if she felt a bit awkward if you were getting married on her ACTUAL anniversary, but she does not get to claim a whole month. Seriously, does she have any idea how many weddings happen in August? Sheesh.
Post # 9
Your mother is being ridiculous. She doesn’t get to claim a month. Do what you want and hold your ground.
Post # 10
Oh wow… I say push forward with it. First of all, its been 10+ years… she needs to get over it. The sooner the better. Your wedding in August is “happy news” for the month of August.
Post # 11
Your mom can be an adult and suck it up.
Post # 12
@elle_z: This is totally ridiculous. Seriously?! A whole month?! If after 10 years she needs the whole month to wallow in self pity, she maybe needs to talk to a professional.
I’d try and frame it in a positive way. If she has your happy wedding memories in August now, then she has something happy to focus on.
Post # 13
If it was the exact same day as her wedding anniversary, I would tell you to at least be gentle and sympathatic.
This is just crazyness. Get married in August. If she brings it up again, tell her that it is the time that works, doesn’t have anything to do with her, and the topic is closed.
Post # 14
Wow, thank you for the support. I was starting to think that I was being a little insensitive, but now I am starting to fully grasp that it’s her problem, and I can’t really do anything to help. Even getting married in a different month wouldn’t solve the real issue at hand.
(Note: I want to get married at the beginning of August, like August 3. She got married on 8/31.)
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Nona99: Tell your Mom that it’s August or bust, she can either shape up or shut up and you can sweeten the pot by promising an uniterrupted river of Bryers Ice Cream and boxes of Kleenex to facilitate her moping at some other time.
Add two snaps and a twist to this!
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@Nona99: +1. Your mother really needs to take a step back and look at her actions, and how they’re affecting other people and herself. Indulging her will not help her get over her clinging to her past life.