(Closed) My mom is/was

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: My mom was/is...
    very supportive. : (78 votes)
    40 %
    honest about likes and dislikes : (58 votes)
    30 %
    not supportive at all. : (8 votes)
    4 %
    not involved in the planning. : (51 votes)
    26 %
    planned the whole wedding. : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    8446 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @FutureMrsD2013:  My mom wasn’t invovled in my wedding planning.  It’s been wonderful that way.

    Post # 4
    Member
    816 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My mom has been awesome! Originally I was worried because I’m younger (23) and thought she wouldn’t like that, but she loves Fi and has been the only one of both our families to really come through for us. She is paying for everything, helping with everything, and just being awesome. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with her. 🙁 We personally had bad situations with other family members, so I get it. It seems like weddings really just bring out the petty side in everyone.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6221 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    My mom has been great. She really wants me to have whatever I want, which in the beginning I misunderstood as disinterest. Turns out, she doesn’t even want her opinion to sway mine. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    738 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My mother is very sporadically involved, but our relationship has always been like that. Sometimes she cares, sometimes she doesn’t. I’ve learned over the years not to get my hopes up. I’ve had a few times during the planning process that I forgot that and have gotten my heart broken all over again. I wish I had a mother I could talk to, go to with problems, hell just go get our nails done together without there being some kind of problem. It makes me really sad when I go to her with something wedding related and she shuts me down cold. Like ‘I don’t care go away’ cold. It sucks 🙁

    Post # 7
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    No money, no problems. The wedding planning and paying is all up to Fiance and I. So while my mom is supportive of my decisions (except my shoes, she’s having a hard time wrapping her head around non-white/ivory shoes), she doesn’t have a lick of say since she’s not spending a dime on it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5371 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    Sorry you’re having a rough time with her 🙁

    My mom has been very supportive and involved. She’s actually my Maid/Matron of Honor and she’s been very helpful and so far it’s been a great exprience. She’s never negative and she’s always behind me 1000% That’s how both of my parents have always been though.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1755 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    My mom drug her heels and kept insisting that there was no point in talking about the wedding because it was nearly two years away.  So we looked at venues and booked and anytime I’d bring up an idea, she’d shoot it down and say it was silly to plan ahead so far.

     

    Then, suddenly when the date was just shy of the year mark, she suddenly wanted to be involved, discussed ideas reasonably.  I think the most frustrating thing was her suddenly suggesting things I’d tried to talk to her about last year and gotten a negative response to.

     

    The time she wasn’t helping was frustrating, but I learned to let it go.  Now that she’s helping, I’m grateful, but I’m mentally prepared for if she shuts down again.

     

    Have you tried asking your mom to share her ideas since she’s reacting negatively to yours?  Maybe if she told you what she thought you should do, you could possibly include some or come up with a compromise on a couple things to bring her more on board?

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    4495 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My mom is supportive and wants me to have what I want, but she also does not hesitate to tell me if she doesn’t like something. Sometimes she’ll bluntly say it and other times her response to something will be, “…hmm… Thats…nice.” Hah! My parents are paying for almost the entire wedding, but at the end of the day all of the decisions are mine (and FI’s of course 🙂 ).

    Post # 11
    Member
    8695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My mom is VERY opinionated. She is a very blunt NYer though so I pay her no mind and do everything my way (well, 90%).

    Post # 12
    Hostess
    2556 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    My mother is very supportive.  I bounce my ideas off of her all the time.  There are a few she doesn’t like, but then she just rolls her eyes and that’s the end of it.  She’s never made me feel like I can’t do something because she dislikes it.  The ideas that she loves, she LOVES! 

    Dress shopping with her was great because she was honest about the dresses, but didn’t make me feel like I needed to pick a dress she loved if I didn’t.  I actually ended up not picking her favorite dress, but she still likes my dress.

    I should note that my parents are contributing about 10% of our budget, and my mother is paying for a few extras (ceremony sound system, a dessert bar of some sort and my dress/alterations).  So, my Fiance and I are contributing the most financially to our wedding, so we get the most say.  Not that either of our parents are “those” parents that need to have what they want at OUR wedding.  Thank goodness.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My mom wasn’t involved at all. Our relationship is quite tense.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3281 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    My mama has a LOT of opinions too. After getting my feelings hurt a few times early on, I finally told her that I didn’t really want her opinions on stuff I’d already decided on (like, for example, the engagement gift I got my FI–why on earth would she think she needed to criticize that?!) but that there was lots of stuff I hadn’t decided on that I DID want her opinion on. Honestly, that helped so much. I just have to remember to preface stuff with either “Seriously, what do you think? I haven’t decided,” or “Please just be nice, because this is definitely what I’m doing,” lol.

     

    Also, she’s a lot happier too, because she feels like I am taking her advice on a lot of things now.

    Post # 15
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    if i were to pick adjectives to describe my mother “critical” would top the list.  23 years of life and 1 of therapy have given me peace with this fact, but it does add an extra special level of hellishness when wedding planning occurs.

    Post # 16
    Member
    449 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Both my mom AND his mom have been so helpful. They ask me constantly what they can do for me and have been so great with idea/errands. His mom especially. Since I’m planning the wedding in Texas and my mom lives in Missouri, she’s been helpful in going to my appointments and such. 

     

    Sorry to hear about your mom OP, hopefully she calms down soon! 

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