(Closed) My Mom just decided to give her diamond earrings to my sister instead of me :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’d be upset too.. I feel that way in my family, but I’m the oldest. Maybe she will change her mind, but they’ll be a little tainted then.  Just hold your head up high, because you are making your own life, not being given a life like your siblings. It’s not as easy but you can be extra proud of yourself for your accomplishments..

Post # 4
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Sounds extremely frustrating and painful, which is only compounded by the fact that there’s nothing you can do. You’ve told her how you feel, you’ve told her that you wanted something from her to wear on your wedding day, the rest is up to her on that front.

Meanwhile, concentrate on YOUR wedding, and making it all about you and your Fiance and the love that you share and the life you will build together. Try to take her out of the equation as far as money is concerned. It’s only going to drive you crazy. 

Post # 5
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I know where you’re coming from.  I’m the middle child, and my older sibling has been married 3 times and has a child.  My younger sibling just recently had a kid as well.  My parents still help support both of them and their families, while I paid my own way through college (only one in my family to graduate from college), work to pay my own rent, and before last year when my parents offered to pay for half, was saving to pay for my own wedding.

It took a long time for me to learn that it’s not my parents caring less about me or not loving me as much, it’s that they think I’m more responsible and mature and can take care of myself without their help.  It’s actually a huge compliment!  As for the earrings, does she have no other piece of jewelry she could give you?  If not, I would calmly explain to her how important it was to you to wear those on your wedding day.  I don’t think you’re being bratty, you’re hurt and not sure the best way to talk about it with your mother.  To be honest, I’d leave your sister (and how much money they’ve given her/she’s made) out of it.  Just speak true to your feelings about how important it was to you.

Post # 6
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow that sucks. My mom has a sapphire ring she received for her 13th birthday from my grandparents that she recently had CUT OFF her finger and resized so I can wear it for my wedding in 9 months. She couldn’t wait to give it to me, I cried. Thankfully my older sister didn’t want it (she wants the diamond) so no fighting.

If I were you I would say something to my sister. She obviously is well off and has her own earrings. Maybe you could say I really wanted to wear mom’s diamond earrings on my wedding day but she’s giving them to you. If she’s a good sister and already has a pair I would hope she would tell your mom she doesn’t need them and she should give them to you. Is your sister nice like that?

Post # 7
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

It’s pretty crappy that she got you all excited about being gifted them for your wedding and then changed her mind like that. I’d be really hurt too. The only thing I can think that would semi-redeem her actions is that maybe she plans to buy you your own pair as a gift for your wedding? My question for your mom is: Why does having a third child necesitate a gift of diamond earrings? Shouldn’t she be given a crib or baby clothes or something?

Post # 9
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would be upset, too. It’s one thing if she would have just decided to give them to your sister, end of story. But she already told you that she was giving them to you to wear for your wedding day! That’s the rub, in my opinion. And I don’t think it’s bratty. Sure, there are a lot of people out there who don’t even have diamonds to be passed down at all, but the point is something everyone can understand — it hurts. Regardless of the object in question, your mother was going to give you something sentimental and then decided to give them to your sister where there is obvious less of a sentiment there, as she already has her own. It sucks, but don’t be down on yourself for feeling this way. Try to concentrate on the good parts of your relationship and the exciting things you’ll wear for your wedding. It can’t make up for it, but I hope it helps!

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’d be upset, too. I know your email comes across a little bitter/bratty, but I think it’s perfectly reasonable to be upset because it sounds like she’s in general more giving with your sis. I’ts hard for parents to play even stevens sometimes (my brother was mad they didn’t pay for his college but the rule was go to a 4-yr university and pass and they’d pay and he didn’t…) but it’s simply unfair to do SO much for one child and not the other.

Not to mention. It’s one thing to give a gift to your daughter for a baby….but a third baby when you’ve already promised said gift to yoru daughter for her wedding day?

That’s just really crappy. Maybe you can ask your sister to borrow them for the wedding? She may just give them to you, but if she’s a giving person, she may really like having you borrow something!

Why did your parents pay for her wedding years ago and not yours?

Post # 12
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

you say your mom has lots of jewellery, could it be that she’s decided to give you something else and wants to surprise you?

Post # 13
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I totally agree. It’s ruined the loveliness that comes with having something special passed down.Maybe your sister can bring up how hurtful it was to do that. It really sucks when your big important event gets shoved aside for a grandchild-in-the-baking.

I hope they help you out with your house, too.

Your mom must not know what an “indian giver” is =(

Post # 14
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

@ejs4y8 – not really digging your last “indian giver” comment.  quite offensive actually.

Post # 15
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i would be upset too. the earrings are clearly just the straw that broke the camel’s back here–does your mom know how you feel about the bigger things (house and wedding)? have you ever talked about it with both your parents?

honestly, i sometimes worry about this too, with my older brother (and sil). my parents have now spent way more on them for these kind of big things than on me. so, it’s super bratty because clearly he’s needed more help than i have or i will, but they just live way beyond their means which is frustrating in general because they assume my parents will just pay for it. my parents are incredibly supportive and generous, and they try to be even about it, but i sometimes worry it won’t balance out eventually…

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