(Closed) Mom won't come to my wedding if this happens

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
310 posts
Helper bee

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tyene:  The original post said that her parents have been separated for 3 years. Even though they aren’t divorced, it’s not inconceivable for her father to be in a serious relationship. 

In my opinion, your mom needs to grow up, it’s been 3 years. (Although my parents have been apart for 20 and still act like children.)

Your father is paying for your wedding. It should be his decision whether or not to bring a date. 

Post # 34
Member
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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bostonbride2016:  🙂 well, that explains a lot! She sounds awful. Ignore her and better yet hope she doesn’t come! 

Post # 35
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Your mother is letting emotions get the better of her. She says she won’t go, but in the end she will go. I mean, she’s your mom she wants to see her child get married. Stick to your guns, don’t let her emotionally black mail you.

Post # 36
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think it’s extremely innapropriate before the divorce, but that’s just me, it’s like mockery out of marriage, to be in serious relationship before the divorce is final and to invite the person to the wedding as a + 1. It’s clear the OP already made her mind and she’s negative about her mother (apparantely there is some other reason for it). 

Post # 37
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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bostonbride2016:   My suggestion is to say to your mother “I’m sorry you feel that way”  in as neutral a tone as you can, repeat as necessary, and go on with your plans.  She cannot be allowed to let her vitriol towards her soon to be ex husband ruin her daughter’s wedding.  That makes no sense.

Post # 38
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

 

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Tinatiny1:  Having read that finally I agree: regardless of the divorce issue, you’re better off without your mother, dear OP.

 

Thank you Tinatiny to bringing it up to our attention. It really does provide a different background than simply a heartbroken woman. 

Post # 39
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your parents have been separated for 3 years. Affair or no affair, or if they separated for any other reason, your Mom no longer makes the rules regarding your Dad.

 

Post # 40
Member
13720 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Backtracking yet again to say if they aren’t divorced, then it is totally improper to invite the new Girlfriend. You did ask this as an etiquette question. Your father should bite the bullet and come alone this time. After they are divorced, you would invite the new Girlfriend to any and all future family events.

So this is a step mother? Since you said technically, I assume she raised you. Only thing I can gather from the old thread is that they have been ignoring you, not answering messages and you were getting nasty texts from your younger sister and suspected, but did not know for sure, that they were actually coming from your step-mother.

Was any of that drama related to the fact that you recognize the new Girlfriend or want to invite her  to the wedding before they are divorced? Why do you think they have been acting this way? 

Personally, I would be very careful before imposing on an existing marriage, no matter what state it is in currently.  For all you know your mother has been having or hoping for a last minute change of heart or an opportunity to share  one last family occasion together before the divorce becomes final. 

Under normal circumstances, I would say she deserved at least that much. 

 

Post # 41
Member
1396 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

 

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bostonbride2016:  Your mom sounds like my mom a CONTROL FREAK. When things dont go her way she has a temper tantrum. Your mom needs to grow up and realize this is your day not her hers to whine over a divorce. IF your dad is pa ying for the wedding by all means allow him to bring a plus one. If your mother cant be civil and does not come, that doesnt look bad on you, that makes her look like an immature woman,

Post # 42
Member
698 posts
Busy bee

I totally get where you are coming from, but you father is not a GUEST of the wedding. He is a part of the wedding and is the FATHER OF THE BRIDE 🙂

It is not appropriate of him to bring a date, nor your mother unless their divorce is finalized at minimum. Even though your parents are seperated and may have filed for a divorce, it is not final so technically they ARE STILL MARRIED!

Married people, especially the parents of the bride, do not bring dates. 

Save the drama and do not allow either parents to bring dates. This is the marriage of their daughter that they raised… not just another wedding to bring whoever it is they are dating.

Post # 43
Member
698 posts
Busy bee

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julies1949:  Disagree! They are still marriedddddddd. They may be sepearted, but are still married.

Post # 44
Member
1396 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

OK, even if they are still MARRIED, i do not think it is right for your daddy to bring his “girlfriend”, as that would be kinda rude BUT for your mother to threaten to not come and make your siblings not come also, now that is stupid and wrong of her. She needs to get over herself.

I can see now why they might be divorcing, she is crazy.

Post # 45
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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bostonbride2016:  She needs to grow up. Her marriage is over. Regardless of the reason for the marriage ending, it is what it is and people move on. So what if dad brings a plus 1? She should smile, be courteous and move along. I can’t believe she wouldn’t go to her own child’s wedding because of that. That’s emotional blackmail, as someone else said, and a shitty thing to do to you, her child. If that’s how she wants to be, it’s on her. Her loss.

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