Post # 16
teacher-bee-in-the-sea : “So what should I say to her last textof me owing her?! I already suggested a weekend in February to visit, idk what else to say.”
Wish I could be more help, but I’ve been ‘owing’ my mother since I was a teenager and I’ve never managed to catch up. Sigh, lol. Just stick to your Feb visit. Besides, if she’s like my own mom, even if you find a way to ‘make it up to her’, you’ll soon enough ‘owe her’ for something else
The silver lining though is her guilting seems to skip a generation- she’s a doting Nana without the guilt trips. (my kids also grew up with Nana cooking their favourites, anything they wanted- lol with me, when I was growing up, it was ‘eat what’s put in front of you’)
Post # 17
Ugh, mom guilt is the worst. But, reading this thread is making me feel a lot better knowing that I’m not alone. I’ve been diagnosed with panic disorder and anxiety, and saw a therapist for a while to learn how to manage it. Interestingly, he thought much of my anxiety stemmed from my mother and her overbearing tendencies. I mean, one time my mother told me she wondered if she and my father would ever see me again once I got married just because I didn’t text her one day. She literally says the most ridiculous, possessive, co-dependent stuff ever.
My therapist and Fiance have helped me to learn how best to deal with her and those situations, and honestly, as PPs have said, it’s mostly just ignoring her and letting it roll off my shoulders. With a lot of these situations there’s truly nothing for me to feel guilty about. Once I’m married (and even now) Fiance and I are a family, and we put each other before the needs (non-emergency or critical) of our parents. If you stand your ground, your mother will eventually learn that she can’t bully you.
Post # 18
While I’m totally against guilt tripping, and it definitely appears that your mom is employing that tactic, she says you didn’t spend any holidays with her this year. Is that true? While I understand supporting your husband through this great loss, and yes, it’s understandable you may spend more time with his family because of it, your family should still get time with you for some or even one holiday. However, if she is exaggerating, then just ignore her and stand firm.
Post # 19
knotyet : you have a valid point. When it comes down to it, she’s just upset she doesn’t get to see me more often. I’m upset about it, too.
I’ve just got to communicate to here that I’m upset, too, and that guilt tripping isn’t a nice way to treat someone you love.