- 4 years ago
My mom, who has been battling pancreatic cancer for the past 17 months, has passed away 2 days ago from her fight. I am numb, this doesnt seem real- how could it be, when the future doesnt have my amazing mother in it.
We had a relationship like no other-she truly was my best friend, my confidant, my role model, my hero, the ultimate listener, the most gentle soul, the one who always made everything better and who you could NEVER be mad at, because she was just that nice.
I made my mom my bridesmaid, and many people thought I did that because my mom was fighting cancer and “aww, aren’t you so nice.” But I didnt deserve any of those compliments- I should be the one complimenting my mom for maiing such an amazing difference in my life. I didnt make my mom a bridesmaid for her, I did it FOR ME!! There is no other person I would have wanted standing up there with me with my other friends and family, than her. She deserved that spot up there more than anyone else…So i didnt do it “to be nice” or because it was “the right thing to do” I did it becuase my life was not or will never be complete without her in it- she, along with my dad and husband, brought sunshine to dark days. She was the best person I have ever or will ever meet and I wish I could tell her everyday just important impact she made in my life.
Even though in the past month or so, we “knew” “it” was coming, you truly can never be prepared. The past 4-5 days, she was unresponsive but incoherently, would moan out in pain often even though she was on lots of pain meds until they found the right dose. I have never truly felt real, true pain and heart ripping pain, until I saw, heard and felt my mothers pain the last little while. While I am devasted beyond belief that she is gone, I find the only comfort in knowing she is no longer in pain and suffering.
Rest in peace my dear mom- you were everything to me and I am so thankful for the amazing relationship we have. I hope one day, we can find a cure for this awful disease of cancer and hope pancreatic cancer will have better odds. I know you have already shown us a few little signs with your butterfly symbol but you will always be my angel and whenever I see a butterfly, I will ALWAYS think of you. I cant imagine my life without you mom, I truly cant, but i know you will always be looking down on us and watch over us and our family.
Forever and always, mamalena xoxo