(Closed) My mom needs to lighten up!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ugh that sucks! It’s tricky cause they are paying AND they are involving a lot of members of their church community so I can see where your mom is coming from when she thinks everything is going to be a reflection on her. At the same time, though, it’s very unfair of her to call things you want to do trailer park trashy and judge/try to choose your first dance song. I think maybe you need to have a little chat with her and say that you appreciate how much they are doing for you and you understand how she feels about the wedding being a reflection on her but at the end of the day it is your and your FI’s wedding and she needs to respect some of your choices and not pass judgment on them. You could maybe frame it in a way where it’s like sje’s worried about guests passing judgment on her, so why would she pass judgment on you and your Fiance for your choices? That’s kind of hypocritical, no?

Post # 4
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow, that’s brutal!  I would let your mother know that if she’s going to keep demeaning your choices, that you’ll stop sharing them with her.  I really like your “first legal drink” idea!  It’s cute!  So just do it, you don’t need her permission.  She’s not going to stop the reception at that point if you do it anyway.  And your first dance song is VERY sweet.  It’s one of my all time favorite love songs, and I’d be tearing up if I saw a couple dance to it.  Just do it.  Again, what can she do?  As for the alcohol, well at least she accepted the cash bar.  The only person who got completely trashed at my wedding was me, and that was because I underestimated the champagne and didn’t really eat anything.  LOL.  If your mother can’t respect your choices, simply tell her you won’t bother to run them by her anymore.  You are right, there are certain choices that she has no input on, even if she is paying for the entire wedding.

Post # 5
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Is she upset about you having your son up there since you had him before you were married?  That would be the kicker for me.  Some things are more important than appearances, and your son is definitely one.   I think you need to sit down with your mom and talk about some of these things.  Is it an option to NOT invite the whole church (just so she’ll stop stressing)?  It doesn’t sound like you’re that close with them all anyway.  Just some thoughts.

Post # 6
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Talk about a downer! I agree you should talk to your Mom about calming down some. I think the idea of your first legal drink is cute! I’d do it for sure! As for your first dance, that is between you and your Fiance. They shouldn’t have said anything about it, regardless of who is paying for the wedding.

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