Post # 1
My mom passed away on May 4th, 2012 and my wedding is scheduled for July 4, 2012. 60 days to my wedding day. Her death was sudden and we had to order an autopsy to find out the cause of death. We are still currently waiting on the results. My mom and I were very close and she helped with most of the wedding preparations. She picked out my wedding dress, linens, and church. We cancelled the wedding right after mom death but, my father has asked us to go on with the wedding as my mom would had wanted that for me.
I called several vendors and they all were very nasty and none offered to give us our deposits back. My fiancé has been patient but, we have over 12k in deposits, I have 2 gowns hanging in my closet (over 8k) and over 30 family members flying in for the wedding. I am now 11 days away from saying I’ do and I’m a horrible mess there’s not one day or hour that I feel like a little girl inside crying for her mother. I’m trying to move forward, but honestly I’m in pain. The happiest day of my life is not happy any more….its reminder that she’s not here! I’m not a happy bride, I’m not excited, and I’m not enjoying any part in planning my wedding. I don’t feel like getting married. I feel bitter, angry and just sad. I’ve lost over 10lbs and can’t even hold food down. Right now, if I go through with it all, it’s just for obligation and commitment but, not because I genuienly feel like I want to get married and I’m happy!? I know that my mom would have wanted me to go on but now my wedding day in not my wedding day the happiest day of my life! It’s a sad day that I don’t even want to come…..I’m scared of facing that day! That day, that we had so much planned for together and not to have her present there with me is heart shattering!
I honestly want to cancel it all and get married when I’m emotionally ready, but so much has been paid and organized and feel horrible about it but, at the same time I feel like I’m obligated to walk down the aisle…
Post # 3
@mxnprns: I know this is not the same, but my mother died exactly 60 days before my daughter’s wedding. As MOB it was a bittersweet day for me, knowing how close my daughter was to my mom, and missing her and at my daughter’s wedding none the less. But it was also comforting to have family and friends surrounding us for a positive celebratory day. I did feel my mom’s presence there. It’s hard to explain but I also felt that it was good in a way to celebrate life with those who were still present in our lives. I know that your mom will be there on your day too. I am so sorry for your loss.
Post # 4
Hang in there sweetheart. Maybe think about doing a vow renewal when the time is right? I’m not sure if i have any advice because i haven’t been there. But good luck and know she will be there, in some way or another.
Post # 5
@mxnprns: First I want to say I am so sorry this must be really hard, I can not relate all I can says is that I had this converstation with my parents when we were planning, and I had told them how I would no longer want a wedding. My mom turned to me and said you better have the wedding, its what you want and its what we want for you….. Take this time to celebrate your mom, she will be with you always and she would really want to to go forward with the wedding so that you can marry the man of your dreams 🙂 The rest of the family, and your dad will be there to support the two of you, I think you should go ahead with it, its what your mother wants!
Post # 6
Just wanted pass on some hugs. So sorry for your loss, and I hope your day is filled with positive energy and happiness! It will be difficult but your mother will be with you every second of that day smiling down on you. Keep your head up 🙂
Post # 7
I am so sorry, sending you love and hugs. I cant even begin to know what you feel and I hope you have a wonderful wedding. Your dad is right, she would have wanted you to continue with the wedding.
Post # 8
I am so sorry you are going through this *Hugs*
I believe that in this hard time, getting married will be a good thing for you. It will be something to distract you and I am sure that you’re mother would want you to go ahead as planned. She will be watching down on you that day, you will know it.
Post # 9
@mxnprns: I am so so sorry to hear this. Thank you for opening your heart to us, and I hope you get the comfort and answers you need.
The thing is, you said that your mom helped out SO much with the preparation. Obviously she was very excited and proud of you. I don’t know you or your mom but I feel like she will be watching this day from heaven and will want you to be as happy as you can with whatever you chose to do. I agree with another poster that being around your family and friends may be beneficial for you. I have saw other weddings where people have a section where they light a candle with a name that says “With Us in Spirit” and maybe a photo of their loved one.
If you chose to get married a few years from now, that is your choice and you will still have an amazing day. But on Juy 4 your mom WILL be with you the whole time, so proud of you and so happy to know that she had a part in planning it (the dress she chose, the linens, the church she was excited to see you in)…think of it that way.
Best wishes to you
Post # 10
I am not in your shoes, right now, at all. However, I lost my mom 6 months ago – although not completely unexpected. I am currently in a long term relationship with someone whom I know I will marry, one day. And right now, 6 months later, I can say that my views on my ONE DAY wedding have changed drastically since her passing. The ONE person I will be most excited to share in this day with me will not be with me. I am almost detached from the ENTIRE process/idea, and I am not even planning any of it. Once I am, I do not think my feelings will change, however…
I know I have the strength to muster up the courage to celebrate – with all that i have – the marriage to my SO, with our closest families and friends around us. Knowing my Angel Mother is watching down on us, knowing she would want this for me. I will memorialize her, definitely have weak moments along the way, probably cry my eyes out too. I will do all of this because I have acknowledged to myself that all of it is absolutely OK. From celebrating to grieving (on that day, each day before that day, and each day after that day as well).
I cannot imagine all of this happening 60 days away from my wedding day. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling, well I can, certainly. What I can say is this: Grieving will never go away. It is an on-going process. It will hit you day to day, but seem most poignant during the milestones. Feel those emotions, be honest with others, and lean on others. However, it does not need to control you or your life either. You have quickly and sadly learned that life is too short, and so, although it may not feel right right now, marrying your best friend is a gift given to in life. Your mother would want this for you too, as she watches over you smiling with pride.
Do not look down the road to even tomorrow, take it minute by minute for now. That is all you can do. You have experienced one of the worst things that can happen to a ‘child’, and in learnign that, it will make you stronger. I think your strength will surprise you on your wedding day. I think you will do the best you can, and no one can ask for anything more. I wish you all the luck in the world as you venture thru this personal journey. I am so sorry this is so long…I just felt the need to reach out.
Post # 11
I can’t imagine losing my mom that close to the wedding. Please be thankful that she was around and able to help you with so much of your planning. My mom passed away 2 years ago and planning my wedding without her has made me so sad. Thankfully she met my Fiance and absolutely loved him, but I really wish she was around to help me shop for dresses and do everything a mom is supposed to do. You are so lucky your mom was there for that! I know not having her there the day of your wedding is going to hurt, but it’s still your day and you will still be surrounded by your friends and family that love you.
Post # 12
I’m so sorry. Losing a parent is so hard. Do what you think is best, even postponing the wedding! Wishing you all the best!
Post # 13
I am so sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine how you are feeling. I am sending prayers and hugs your way! I am with the other bees, I feel like knowing your mom was so happy for you and was such a big part of your life that she would not want anything more than for you to be happy on one of the biggest days of your life. Cancelling your wedding will unfortunately not change this terrible loss you have suffered. And I can only imagine losing all of your depostis in the process won’t help the situation at all. You mom clearly loves you and wants you to be happy. She will be looking down on you and helping you through this wonderful day. Keep your head up and I know your mom will help you to make the right choice! <3
Post # 14
I can’t even imagine this… I’m so sorry for your loss!
Each person grieves in different ways. For me I grieve differently for each person who I’ve had die. Each person affects us in different ways and means something else to us.
Its hard because this happened so close to your wedding that maybe you don’t feel like you had enough time to grieve. I think that maybe you should spend some time looking into your soul to help find the answer. I think it’s in there. You said that your dad told you that your mom would’ve wanted you to keep your wedding date. Look inside your soul and see if you really believe that. If you do then maybe you will find some peace in knowing that she wanted you there on that day. She wanted you to be happy and stand there tall and proud. Take that love that she had for you and fill your heart and go through your day and honor her.
I think that if you postpone your wedding you might regret it later since she had helped you through most of the planning process.
Is there someone that you feel would be cheerful and support you during the preparations of the day? It might help to have someone fill the void. Not someone to replace your mom, because she is irreplacable, but someone who could just fill that hole for the day. Maybe someone close to your mom who would feel like she is doing both you and your mom the favor.
Post # 15
So sorry to hear this, praying fo you.
Post # 16
i am so sorry your going thru this! i wish i could hug you!! be strong!