- 6 years ago
I live in Seattle. My mom lives in Los Angeles. I am doing everything in my power, as a semi non traditional bride and only daughter, to include my mom in the wedding planning. I took a long weekend over the holiday to go down to California to go dress shopping with my mom, Maid/Matron of Honor, and grandma. My Maid/Matron of Honor made three appointments for me, one of which was to shop for bridesmaid dresses, since they *all* live down there. We made these appointments despite the fact that I was 99% sure I knew which dress I wanted. Because I wanted my mom to feel included to the decision making process, and I didn’t want her to feel like she was missing out on anything.
*side note: my parents are getting a divorce, and it’s been dragging out and slowing making my mother crazy over the last two years*
So the first appointment is for Thursday morning about an 1.5 hours from my mom’s house, at BHLDN in Beverly Hills. We say, OK, we’ll leave at 9:30 for the 11:00 appointment and that will give us plenty of time. My Maid/Matron of Honor arrives at the house for carpooling, and instead of leaving, my mom starts making ground beef for her elderly dog. Like… as soon as we need to leave. She insists she’s the one that needs to make the beef, despite the fact that she has a live-in boyfriend who was perfectly capable of cooking. So after a few minutes of fruitless discussion, my Maid/Matron of Honor and I leave to pick up my grandma at her house, and swing back to my mom’s house to pick her up.
At this point, we’re running about 20 minutes late. My Maid/Matron of Honor calls BHLDN to let them know, and they inform us that they’ll do their best to accommodate us, but our appointment is only for an hour. So… 20 minutes of an hour. Gone.
We finally get there, after a lot of traffic from the 405, find the place and a parking garage right across. I was driving, and although I have my license I don’t drive in Seattle and am uncomfortable in crowded garages. So my mom suggested that she park, and she’d meet us over there. OK, great.
My Maid/Matron of Honor, grandma and I head over, start the appointment, and are about 10 minutes into trying on dresses when my mom shows up.
WITH A COFFEE.
Because, obviously, the thing you do when your daughter is trying on wedding dresses is to go stand in line at Starbucks for coffee.
So we have about 30 minutes left, the stylist is doing her damn best to get me into all the dresses I wanted to try on FOR MY MOM, and there’s my mom, snapping a bunch of pictures, telling me to turn this way and that. I say, “Mom, Maid/Matron of Honor is taking all these pictures. She can send them to you. We don’t have enough time for this.” And my mom just ignores me. Just keeps snapping the damn pictures and ignoring what I’m telling her.
The stylist ended up taking us over on the appointment, and asked a co-worker to help her next client. I confirmed that I wanted the dress I thought I wanted, and my Maid/Matron of Honor was wonderful and I got to spend a lot of time with my 83-year-old grandmother who I never see. So, overall, it was great.
I’m just flabbergasted at my mom’s attitude. Even my Maid/Matron of Honor was saying it wasn’t like her, and was something wrong (besides the usual)? I ended up cancelling the following day’s appointment because my mom just wasn’t excited about it. Why am I going through this, if you don’t actually care?
The appointment for the bridesmaids dresses at David’s Bridal really saved the weekend, because they were all very excited, and we all had so much fun together trying on a bunch of chiffon and lace. 🙂
But my mom is not mentally stable, and it’s more and more obvious to me that something is going to give. Her dog is going to die, or her boyfriend (he has Lupus), or her mom, and she’s going to LOSE IT. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know how to try and protect myself and my wedding from her crazy. How do I support her and help her, without losing my sanity in the process?
My brother lives a lot closer and is therefore brought into the divorce drama a lot more often than I am, and he’s given up on her.
I was thinking about talking to my fiance about getting legally married before the wedding, like at the courthouse. That way, no matter how the actual day goes, we’ll have a special ceremony with a couple of close friends, and we can focus on each other.