(Closed) My mom sabotaged my wedding!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
31 posts

“well as usual Lex, all you have done is make me feel like a piece of S**t mother.  Is that what you want”

Oh, my dad said something verrrry similar when I called him on some crap he pulled. Very manipulative.

Just breathe. Your mom has issues, clearly. I wouldn’t feel too bad about uninviting her ot the wedding. Will other relatives get mad about this/will it cause more drama?

Post # 4
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow, it sounds like you and your mother have been through a serious rough patch.

Can I ask, were you two close before all of this? I know you said you really became close with your mom during the planning of your previous engagement, but before and after that, were you close? If so, I think that after you cool down you may regret her not being there.  I understand you not wanting her there if she doesn’t approve of the union, though.  I don’t really know what advice to give. You are in this situation and not me, so I trust you will do whatever is right.


Post # 5
141 posts
Blushing bee

Wow. Sounds like my Aunt & Cousins.

I previously had an abusive bf who turned out to be stealing from my grandparents to buy alcohol to support his dependency behind my back. He also slept with his (male) boss for extra money for alcohol. When I confronted him about the cheating and stealing he beat me and threatened to kill me and my family as I was being “heartless when he was in such a low place he needed alcohol to survive”. I broke up with him.

My Aunt and her two daughters sided with him because they liked him and believed he was “such a good man” and said I should have helped him through this rough time. They still side with him to this day three years later. Ummmmm, helping someone is one thing, but when they steal and cheat (he basically prostituted with his boss in my opinion). That was the dealbreaker.

Anyway, I’m in a similar boat now with my amazing love-of-my-life man. They disapprove and they continually spread nasty rumours andhave tried to get him to leave me because they don’t think I deserve love after “breaking such a good man’s heart”. And they have had the audacity to ask why I won’t have them at my wedding when they are “family”.

Sigh. Selfish people suck.

Post # 6
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I dont blame how you acted and what you said. That is just crazy to me and If I was in your shoes I wouldnt want my mom around too. Then again you would have to think real hard about your decision if you REALLY dont want her there on your special day. I dont know what you have all been through with your mom but regret is the worst espcially if you cant take it back. You do what feels right in your heart and what will make you happy. 🙂 good luck and congratulations on gettng married im glad you found happiness. 🙂

Post # 7
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

She owes you $350.00 plus gas and time and energy….  Oh- and she owes you a HUGE apology!

Post # 8
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I believe that it is a celebration between the two of you and anyone there should be in support of that.  I don’t believe in obligatory invitations; do what feels right in your heart.  Family isn’t bound by bloodlines, and sometimes those that we are related to just aren’t “family.”

Post # 9
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012


Thinking of your last bit, about not regretting inviiting your mother.   Not many here may, but I agree with you.  I didn’t invite my mother to my wedding to my ex H.   We hadn’t really fallen out, I just didn’t want her there.   She was a total bitch before my 1st wedding (11 years previously).  One examples was that she left me stranded in my wedding dress (it had a long row of buttons at the back, I needed help to get out of it) when I tried it on at home.  She said ‘I don’t know why you are getting married, you are already sleeping with him…you hypocrticial bitch!’  Lovely.  I was just 21, and didn’t really want to get married, but my parents had made it clear that if I lived with my then Fiance they would disown me.  I wasn’t even ‘allowed’ to go on holiday with him.  I was so weak willed in those days, and thought I ‘had’ to maintain a relationship with them.

Anyway…the point is, if you change your mind and invite her, fine. But if you don’t, that’s fine too. I’ve always said that I don’t believe ‘family’ is a good enough reason for letting people get away with treating you badly.

Post # 10
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am so sorry your mother is being so unsupportive of your wedding 🙁 Does she have a personal issue with your current fiance other than his age or is it really that she just really liked your former fiance that much (which is so incredibly hard to believe given the circumstances surrounding him)?  I would say she has to seriously prove herself to you and apologize in a big way to make up for the pain she’s caused already to be brought back into your wedding plans and general good graces…

Post # 11
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so happy you got your dress back! that is one good thing to come out of this. I’m sorry your mom is such a b*tch and mistreating you so. (my mom does the same thing ad throws things out that are personal and meeaningful so I understand how frustrating this can be.)

If your mom can’f be supportive of your new relationship then i think you are correct and she doesn’t belong at the wedding. The fact that she still likes your ex when he is a pedophile means she probably doesn’t belong around kids either.

Post # 12
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

What kind of mother throws out her daughter’s wedding stuff?  .

i admit to laughing a bit – she threw out stuff to a wedding that didnt take place because the bride discovered the groom molested a child… yes, i would be wanting to throw that out as well

there are obviously a lot of other issues that brought this situation brought it all to a boil – if your mom is toxic and its unhealthy to have a relationship with her then yes cut her out of your life but if her only crime is throwing out “stuff” and her indifference to your current Fiance then her crime isnt that bad (speaking as a woman that grew up in a violent household)

goodluck, im glad you found a better man to share your life with

Post # 14
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I still cannot get over that your mom won’t forgive YOU for not marrying someone who abused a child. I… just don’t get it.

I had a terrible falling out with my aunt and 3 cousins years ago, and my family was trying to pressure me in to inviting them to my wedding anyway because “they’re family” and “I would regret it” if they were not there… but unless they make an effort and apologize to me (which will never happen lol), I don’t want them anywhere near my life. Keep your foot down. Maybe your mom will come around, who knows, but for now I wouldn’t worry about adding her to the guest list.

Post # 15
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

My husband didn’t really want to invite his alcoholic mother to our wedding, but we did to keep the peace. We gave her very few details, and even with giving her the address and time of where pictures would be taken, she still didn’t show. Oh well, she wasn’t in but a few of our pics, and we haven’t spoken to her in over 2 years. She continues to choose alcohol over her family, and now she has lost her entire family because of it. Its actually nice to not have to deal with her drama.

I say, if you feel like its right, then don’t feel bad for not inviting her. Just because you are born into a family does not mean they have the right to treat you however they want and expect you to deal with it, because they’re “family”. Family is what you make of it

Post # 16
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry that you’ve had a difficult time, and I’m glad you’ve found a good man.

I think you may be overreacting if her biggest crime is donating those items without knowing you were going to use them (or maybe her biggest crime is that you’ve been dating this guy for less than a year right after getting out of a very serious relationship and she hasn’t warmed up to him yet, I’m not sure).  Unless you are absolutely positive she knew you wanted to use them at the time she donated them, I wouldn’t say she purposely sabotaged anything.  I wouldn’t even say she sabotaged anything, those things mattered so little that you were considering not using them anyway.

If there are major issues you need to work out with her that go beyond this though, well that’s another story.  I wouldn’t expect the $350 from her if you’ve decided to break off your relationship with her, which it sounds like you have.

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