(Closed) My mom said she “hated my f-ing wedding dress.”

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Ugh. I’m so sorry that the woman who should be supporting you through this time is making it so hard. : ( I don’t really have any advice for you, other than to try your best to do what you have been doing, and avoid talking about the wedding. Like you say, it’s probably hard for her with her recent separation. *HUGS*

Also, I’m sure your dress is gorgeous. : )

Post # 4
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

No matter what the dress looks like, it is your wedding and you should get the one you like. Even if it’s the most rediculous thing she has ever seen she should have supported you and PRETENDED to like it. I’d feel the same way if someone close to me had done that. My Maid/Matron of Honor was helping me decide between 3 dresses and she was honest but nice so that anything she might say wouldn’t come as an insult. If you like the dress, wear it. It doesn’t matter what anyone but yourself and your groom think. It’s YOUR wedding, not your moms.

Out of curiosity, what DOES it look like? Can I see a picture?

Post # 6
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’d love to see you in that dress. I think it’s amazing! It has a kid of older fashion to it while still being modern. I wish I could have found a cheap dress like that.

Post # 7
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

It can be hard when your parents can’t put aside their own issues to be there for you. My dad has absolutely NO interest in my wedding whatsoever, so I haven’t invited him. When my sister asked him if he wanted to be there he said that his mother had not been at either of his marriages and he hadn’t been effected by it so he figures this will be the same. He just doesn’t place any value in weddings.

It sounds like your mum is struggling with her seperation, and she’s not dealing with it very well. It’s not fair for her to take it out on you, and what she said about your wedding dress was hurtful and uncalled for. Sometimes, we just have to accept our parents for what they are. I hope your mum is able to be there for you as time goes on.

Post # 8
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

@ktbrady: Ummm…if that was my mom?  Bitch would be out on the curb.  In a snowstorm.  Without a jacket.

What she said was just mean, and it seems like she did say it to be hurtful, which is pretty darn petty and immature.  No matter what she’s going through in her personal life, she doesn’t have reason to treat you like that.  If I were you I’d put all my thoughts down in an e-mail (where she can’t interrupt or burst out crying) and explain exactly how what she said was mean, spiteful, and completely inappropriate.  Then outline what you expect from her (support, compliments, help?).

I hope you don’t worry too much about what she said about your dress.  She very well MAY hate it, but if your styles are different, that’s a good thing!  There were some things I know my mom wouldn’t have picked at my wedding, but at the reception she told me that it was “definitely my taste” and it all came together the way I intended.  She wasn’t being passive aggressive, she was complimenting the event.  She admitted that it “wasn’t what [she] would have planned, but it was BEAUTIFUL.”

Post # 9
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Toxic people are sometimes unavoidable… but its best not to seek them out!  So sorry you have to deal with this.  Don’t depend on your mom for anything.  That way, whatever she does do for you will be a pleasant surprise.  Clearly, she is going through a rough time and can’t help herself from being bitter and negative.

 I am sure your dress is lovely.  If your roles were reversed, and you were the mom and she was your daughter, and someone said mean things about her wedding dress, what would you tell her?  Try to give yourself the same supportive advice… and follow it!

Post # 10
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

i agree with mightysapphire here 100 percent and dont worry aobut the dress. it looks really pretty in the pic  and im sure even better on you!

Post # 11
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

I would have bitch slapped her. For real. If anything I would have said, “Mom, there’s a difference between not being a complete and total bitch to my face and being a peacemaker. You’re the former. Not the latter.”

And then yeah. Out on the curb.

Post # 12
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

who cares who likes your dress.  As long as your dress doesnt make you look like a stripper then I think a bride should wear any dress she like.  Not everyone will love your dress.  I like your dress a lot though.

What are you cake toppers? 

Post # 14
Member
2260 posts
Buzzing bee

first of all, i think your dress is absolutely gorgeous and so i find it so surprising that anyone could hate it.

secondly, even though your mom was totally out of line she is going through a hard time right now. now everyone makes mistakes, and can be overly sensitive (like your mistake of laughing, when you know you probably shouldn’t have and her making such an inappropriate comment) but if she has overall been a good mom, maybe you should let this slide over for a bit? i would take a break from seeing each other for a while, until you can feel comfortable talking to her, in which you can decide whether or not to tell her how hurt you were by her comments, and her lack of support. and hopefully she’ll be there for you to help with the crafting.

of course, if she hasn’t always been there for you, it might be best for you to take a loving ldr with her (its not that you don’t love her, its just that having that space will allow you to continue loving her). 

i’m sorry you have to go through this as well as your other relatives and friends lack of enthusiasm for your special day.  just try to focus on your and your fh’s love for each other, and hopefully that will give you the motivation to move forward with your planning!

Post # 15
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

sorry, that sucks! Your dress looks really pretty! It sounds like she is just hurt and doing her best to make everyone miserable. Hope things get better for you guys!

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