- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Let me back up. Sorry for the long post in advance, but it has been one rough weekend.
My mom just turned 56 and is in the midst of separating from my step dad, whom she has been married to for 20 years. (She and my dad divorced when I was young.) She (and my step dad) are experiencing serious financial difficulties. They still live together because neither can move out until the house sells. She has gotten a job cleaning houses, but is not making nearly enough, and she is scared and depressed and sad about having to start life over. I also think she feels like a failure for the two divorces, as evidenced by her getting a bit tipsy tonight and pointing out all the celebrities who are getting divorced (she said “Miley Cyrus’s parents too! That proves my point!” I have no idea what her point was.)
I got engaged Dec 1, 2009. I have been with FH since 2002, and have been WAITING (at times, desperately and anxiously) to get engaged since 2006. So when it finally happened, as you can imagine, I was over the moon. People (family and friends) in general have said “congratulations” but no one has been real overjoyed or exuberant, and I never got an engagement party which is common in my group of friends and family. So as time goes on, I admit, I’m feeling more and more resentful, esp towards my family and closest friends. Right or wrong, that’s just how I feel, so please don’t blast me for that.
Now. My mom and I have already had several blow ups related to the wedding. She knew I had found my dream dress, but when she saw it, she pursed her lips and said “Well, you’re the one who’s going to be wearing it” which is a phrase i HATE and she KNOWS IT. When I showed her the cake toppers I made, she said “Are you serious?” and laughed at me, then said she thought I would pick something “more traditional.” She is not traditional herself. When I took her by a venue we were looking at, she said “I think it’s funny you want to get married outside. If you want to get married, get married in a church. If you want to tip cows, hang out in a cow pasture.” She does not and never has gone to church.
So. My strategy was that I would NOT bring up anything wedding related, and if she asked anything about the wedding, I would be vague. This weekend, she came to stay for her birthday. Friday night was OK. Saturday morning, she was telling me about a personality test she took and how one of the characteristics was that she likes to keep the peace. I laughed mildly, because this could not be further from the truth. I know it was wrong to laugh, and I could tell that she was immediately pissed off. And then she said this:
“Fine, so at that dress shop I should have said ‘I hate that fucking wedding dress, I hate it, I hate that fucking wedding dress, I hate that fucking wedding dress.” SERIOUSLY, she repeated herself like five times. She acted like she was kinda joking, you know how people do, but it was obvious that I had hurt her feelings by laughing when she said she kept the peace, so now she was going to “get back at me.” By the way…I think we went to that dress shop like, over six months ago. It’s not like this was a recent event. I have already bought and received the dress since then.
I guess she brought up the wedding dress situation bc, IDK, she THINKS she kept the peace there at the dress shop? Or because she knew it would hurt me the most? I seriously had not brought up weddings AT ALL.
I did not say anything bc 1) I was totally shocked and 2) I knew that I had to put up with her for another 24 hours and did not want to make things awful. I’ve tried calmly talking to her about these blow ups before, and nothing good ever comes out of it. So all day, I drove us around and was quiet and have been biting my tongue and texting FH and being like, wtf???????? I am so hurt and angry that she cannot just BE THERE for me during this time that I have waited so freaking long for. And now, every time I think about that dress, and on the day of my wedding, I will remember what she said about it! WHO says something like that?!? PLUS, she’s made me think that maybe the dress is ridiculous and I am insane for thinking it’s a good dress!
Hive, I need help, advice, sympathy, anything. I really do NOT know what to do. And I am already scared of the actual weeks leading up to the wedding. My mom is very artistic and craft and I was hoping I could count on her to be a productive and positive support, but now I don’t even think I can count on her to be even pleasant.