(Closed) My mom said she “hated my f-ing wedding dress.”

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

She’s feeling like crud because her marriage is falling apart (again), meanwhile you have a relationship that is moving on to the next stage, going from strength to strength. Feeling bitter makes people nasty.

My mom is the same way – very crafty and I was hoping to get her in on the DIY a bit! – but I’ve come to realize that it’s not the best for our relationship to include her in things like that. Instead I will focus on spending quality time with her on the actual wedding day when her mind will be too occupied to make remarks. She has bipolar disorder.

Post # 33
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

First of all, that dress is a knockout. I am really, really picky about wedding dresses, and I find yours unique and classy and stunning. I seriously wish I had seen it before I bought mine; I would have sought it out to try it on, at least.

Second, repeat after me, a hundred times: This is about her, not me.

Your mother is clearly having emotional issues that she cannot seem to control. Even before you suggested it in your follow-up post, I thought, she sounds like she has some kind of personality disorder or mental imbalance. At the very least, she seems depressed and possibly hormonal, as some have indicated.

Bottom line: Please do not take anything she says to heart. It’s not personal, you just happen to be the one in her path at that moment. Next time she says something unexpectedly mean or hurtful, imagine that SHE is the one feeling so much hurt and pain that she is compelled to deflect it onto others. It’s easier said than done, but staying super-calm and mustering up some empathy will put you in a better frame of mind to deal with her and avoid a head-to-head battle. Hope that makes sense?

Post # 34
Member
5920 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Your dress is drop dead beautiful, really.  I was so picky picking mine out, and I am regretting not seeing that one!

Your mom sounds jealous and bitter.  I would keep leaving her out of the wedding planning.  So sorry she said that though.

Post # 35
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

First of all, your dress is GORGEOUS! Second, whenever there is a wedding, or baby, or any significant even, people tend to show their true colors, in my case it was my dad. Unfortunately I have had to remove him completely from my life (it was pretty bad), I’m not saying that you should do anything like that, however, I think that you not going into details about the wedding with your mom is a good thing. It seems she’s either A) too wrapped up in her own problems to be happy for you or B) she’s jealous of your happiness (my mom is like this sometimes) Whatever the case may be, I would talk to her. One on one, let her know how she makes you feel. Use words like “I” and “me” for example instead of saying “you’re doing x too much, and you’re acting y too much” say something like “when you say hurtful things to me it makes me feel like you don’t care” that way you’re taking all of the finger pointing/blaming away from her and putting it in a less offensive way. I would honestly ask her if she has a problem with your up coming marriage, that way it’s out on the table, if she does, maybe she doesn’t need to go to the wedding, if she doesn’t then maybe calling her on her inappropriate behavior will nudge her in the right direction. Good luck!

Post # 36
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

went through something similar, she will probably love it the day of the wedding ..definitely stick with what you want

Post # 37
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

that dress is beautiful and im sure you’ll look stunning in it on your wedding day.  moms are funny beings (and that’s putting it nicely).  your mom is definitely going through a difficult time and im really sorry she is taking it out on you.  i hope you find the strength to know that despite all her words, she does love and likely does want the best for you.  her choice of words and expressions at this time will likely be regretted in the near future.

my bff’s mom hated her wedding dress as well…but on the day of the wedding, she was nothing but smiles and actually told her afterwards that the dress and her are both beautiful.  there is hope…

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