(Closed) My Mom wants me to have a wedding and it drives me crazy

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Who’s paying? You or your mother? If you’re paying, you call the shots. $20K is a TON of money. (Okay, actually ten tons. I’m hilarious.) However, if your mother and/or father are paying, and you aren’t opposed for any reason other than money, I don’t see why it’d be wrong to have a wedding.

Post # 3
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I know the saying here is “no pay no say” but I understand why your mom would want you to have a wedding.

We were orriginally going to just hit the courthouse but my parents got kind of bummed about that since I am their only daughter. We found a compromise in a small non traditional wedding, and I think everyone is very happy. 

Is there a way you can compromise with a smaller, non traditional wedding? there are lots of types of weddings out there that do not cost 20 k. If she really wants a 20k tradirional celebration, maybe you should bluntly tell her unless she makes a large contribution you can’t afford it with your mortgage. I know asking parents for money is a no-no, but if she really really cares about this she may be happy to find the $ to make it happen. 

Post # 4
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

“wedding is an investment”- hahahahahah!!

Post # 8
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

may2017w:  sentimental investment? lol But seriously all the reasons you listed are completely reasonable so have the wedding YOU want bc this isnt the time to please others. Mom will get over it. Now if you can come to some sort of compromise or middle ground with her and be satisfied then great but if you end up doing something you don’t want for her sake or anyone elses you wont be happy. 

Post # 9
1329 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

Do whatever makes you happy it’s your special day! Just make sure you won’t regret not having a bigger wedding in the future

Post # 11
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

may2017w:  Understandable 🙂 Even though we always wanted a small wedding we took it a step further and decided on a weekday bc it was at least half the cost of Friday/Saturday and Sunday was only a brunch option which I didnt particularly like. He can afford it, it just seemed ridiculous to both of us to spend $10,000 – $15,000 for one day with all of 40 guests. So maybe there’s some way both of you can be satisfied I’m not sure but I know myself and even if I had a fabulous time I would have been going over all the ways that money could have been better spent elsewhere  

Post # 12
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

k8goeslz:  Except she HAS suggested she still have a wedding, a small destination wedding. And her mother said no. It’s her mom that isn’t compromising.

OP, do what you want to do. You are paying. You are an adult, so be one. End of story.

Post # 13
12088 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

It depends how you look at it. Many people do feel that a wedding is an investment in memories that will last a lifetime. But first you have to be able to afford it. 

As long as they are secure and finances are not an issue for them, I’d only agree to the wedding they want if they are willing to host and pay for one. TBH, from the description of the length of time it would take you to save for this, you really can’t “afford” it easily. I just can’t agree that a wedding on this scale is a wise use of money for the vast majority of people starting out. 

Post # 14
1312 posts
Bumble bee

Have you considered eloping? You could elope then go on your honeymoon.

Everyone in my family wanted me to have a wedding. Well, I eloped and didn’t tell anyone until after the fact. Were people upset? Probably. But no one said anything negative, just positive reactions. 

Ultimately all that matters is that you’re married, not how you do it. 

Post # 15
382 posts
Helper bee

I went with my parents idea of having a wedding. Their reasons were very similar to your mom’s, and our reasons very similar to yours. If anything, we wanted a 20 people dinner after a courthouse wedding, but our parents insisted on a big formal wedding. We gave in, if only to not make them feel bad, and despite the fact that we had a good time I still regret it some days.

I wish I had done what I wanted to. Even if it meant paying for it myself. But well, at that moment I had to reach a compromise and so my parents agreed to pay for our wedding as long as we got married in front of the family.

They are certainly more happy about the wedding than I am. 

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