Post # 1
So I just announced our engagement last night and already my mom is talking about how excited her friends are for me and then not-so-subtly hinted that I would need to invite them too. Although she acts like these are family friends that we have known for years, they are actually friends that she and her new husband have made in the last three years. Having moved out of her house five years ago, I don’t see much of these friends. And although they are very nice people, I don’t know about inviting them to my wedding. I want it to be a special time for me and my new husband to spend with our close friends and relatives…also, I don’t know how well my mom’s friends are going to get along with the rest of the crowd.
I just don’t know what to do. Should I let her invite these friends? Or do I have the right to say no because it’s mine and my fiance’s wedding and not hers?
Any advice is appreciated….
Post # 3
Hellooo, it is your wedding day not hers!! Just try to explain to her that you want the day to be special and you want to be surrounded by the people who truly know you and your fiance. Will she be helping to pay for the wedding? That is the only way I would allow my mom to invite her friends, if she paid for them. She’ll get over it 🙂
Post # 4
It depends, somewhat, on who is paying for the wedding. If it’s just you and Fiance, then nope you don’t have to invite them. If it’s her, then it becomes more about keeping mom happy and she does get more say in the decision-making processes if she’s footing the bill.
Post # 5
If you and Fiance are paying, give each set of parents a certain number of spots to fill as they want. And stick to that number. Just keep in mind that they will have a great time too if some of their friends are there. And they may even dance more! If they are paying, then they should get a little bit stronger say in inviting *a few* of their friends.
Post # 6
I had this very conversation with my daughter. May I share this from the other side of the fence?
Her father and I have been invited to many weddings for the children of friends. There is a part of this that you may not see and may not fully understand until you walk in the shoes of a parent.
(I know I sound like a mom and I promise this is not a lecture ).
Your parents are not asking to include them to be selfish but because they are proud and want to share this joyous occasion with people they are close to much like you are sharing this special day with your close friends. Our friends ask about you and they really know far more about you then you realize. Our children are the center of our universe and their children the center of theirs.
On another note, we are paying, but if we weren’t, we would definitely offer to pay for their dinners. Also, we did make sure to have her let FI’s parents know that they should include anyone they want to ask on invite list as well.
I wish the best of luck and hope this may have shed some light on your dilemma.
Post # 7
If it’s only a few people, I don’t see what the big deal is. Yes, it’s your wedding, but like Monster said, your parents have an emotional stake in it, too. As long as she isn’t filling your entire guest list with people she wants there, then I think it’s okay for her to have a few friends. I’m sure she’s excited about things just like you are!
Post # 8
Monster of the Bride said it perfectly; your parents are proud and want to share the joy with a few of their friends too! Can you blame them?
My parents wanted to invite some of their friends to our wedding, and I had no problem with it as long as (1) we had the space to seat the extra guests, and (2) my parents paid for the extra headcount. As it turned out, I think most of their friends declined because they lived out of town anyway.
Post # 9
I agree, you should let her invite her friends. I have never been to a wedding without friends of the parents there, and my parents certainly invited their friends to my wedding. It does kind of depend on who’s paying though. If you and your Fiance are footing the whole bill then you definitely have the right to decline or at least limit her portion of the guest list based on any budget issues you might have. If she is paying, well then frankly she can invite who she wants. but either way, be kind and let her enjoy this as much as you are! like Monster said, our parents are just as thrilled to share this happy time with people they care about as much as we are, and that should be respected.
Post # 10
I had to suck it up and invite my mom’s friends. Even though it is my wedding, it was still a huge day for her….so why the hell not? That being said, cost was not a huge issue, so I was able to. They would have been the first cuts though if money way tight.
Post # 11
You may want to set aside X number of seats for parents friends on both sides. I know I had a two full tables of my parents friends at the wedding, adding up to 16 people, DH’s mom invited one person. If you have room to accomodate your parents friends, there’s no harm in having them!
Post # 12
I’m in this exact situation, but not with my mom…with my Future Mother-In-Law. My mom couldn’t care less about inviting her friends to my wedding, but Future Mother-In-Law has a list of 80 people she’s inviting. If it were my mom asking to add guests, I have the kind of relationship with her where I can just say “Woah, I can’t afford this.” But since it’s my Future Mother-In-Law, I don’t want to start a fight. FI is a momma’s boy and won’t stand up to her…so I guess we’re having 150 people at our wedding. Fortunately, they’re going to help pay for all her friends.
Post # 13
I agree that it depends on who’s paying. If your mom is contributing significantly, I’m afraid you don’t have too much say in the matter. If she’s not, well, it’s just a nice thing to do, assuming it’s not cost prohibitive.
Post # 14
Honestly, we’re paying for most of our wedding ourselves (and will pay for the whole thing if need be), and we’re not sharing our guest list with anyone. I told my mom what family I’m inviting and my Fiance will do the same with his side. Other than making sure we remembered all the family members, no one gets a say but us. The only exception to that rule may be his dad (parents are divorced) because he said he wants to chip in a little bit, but he’s not that type of guy I don’t think. I’m not even inviting all of my own family because I haven’t seen some of them in over 10 years. If we don’t care enough to communicate at least once a year, why am I paying 44 bucks for you to come and eat. So unless you know these friends, I wouldn’t invite them. My parents don’t go to friends kids weddings (though if invited I believe they send a gift) so seeing this growing up, maybe this is why I feel this way.
Post # 15
My parents also wanted to invite a bunch of friends. I don’t really know most of them, but my parents are paying for most of the wedding, so it really doesn’t bother me. I’ll pick my battles. Maybe the friends will make up for it by buying me some nice towels or something! Lol.
Post # 16
i made a post about a VERY similar topic! you can read my store here… and the solution i came up with!
I am so frustrated I just want to give up! LONG VENT