My mom wants to medicate me

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Wow bee, I’m sorry but your mom is batshit crazy. I can’t believe she is trying to force medication on you that isn’t even prescribed to you. 

Lucikly, you are an adult and don’t need to entertain her insane ideas. I would personally limit contact with her, and absolutely stop telling her little details about your wedding. You don’t need the added drama over something tiny like centrepieces.

Do you see some kind of therapist for your anxiety? 

Post # 3
Hostess
8812 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

gunnabamissus :  you are not crazy for feeling this way. You need to tell her exactly what you just said in the last couple of line of your post.

 

Her trying to medicate you in controlling and dangerous! If you need some meds you are more than capable of going to the doctor. It sounds like you try your best to manage your anxiety.

 

I suffer from anxiety and whilst my own Mother might point out to me I was stressed and anxious she would never try and force medication on me, and yours shouldn’t.

The next time she brings up your stress/ anxiety just say it is off the table for discussion and that you are managing it in a way you deem appropriate. Also, if she is stressing you out so much about the wedding maybe you don’t need to tell her all your plans? If she doesn’t know she can’t get too upset about it.

 

Big hugs. 

Post # 5
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to give someone your prescription medication and tell them to take it.  So maybe check that out and tell her that she’s breaking the law.  Secondly, stop telling her what you’re planning.  If she’s causing you stress by questioning your decisions, just don’t tell her.  If she kicks off about you not telling her, say “mom, you questioned every single decision I made, and that added exponentially to my stress levels.  So for my own sanity and mental well-being, I had to back off and stop telling you things.  If you want me to start telling you again, you’re going to have to stop questioning my decisions.”

Post # 7
Member
1741 posts
Bumble bee

If you do not want to take medication, you don’t have to so stop even thinking about it. I think you’re right about your mom wanting to medicate you so you’ll be more agreeable to her. That is seriously messed up. I would think twice about how much contact you want to have with her, especially regarding wedding stuff because what she is doing is so wrong. So what if it will break her heart? She is saying she is most concerned with your stress levels so turn it back on her. “Mom, you’re right. The wedding is causing me a lot of stress especially your reactions to my decisions, so I am going to keep my decisions between my fiance and myself, for my stress levels. Can’t wait for you to see how everything turns out at the wedding!”

Post # 8
Member
5594 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

gunnabamissus :  

Who diagnosed you, did you see a therapist in the past?

If you feel that you are managing well, just say, that’s nice mom, I’m doing fine and don’t feel that I need to take medication.

You need to create boundaries with her. Just because she wants you to take medication doesn’t have to turn into a big blow out with her, just don’t engage. Do your own thing and start to separate yourself. Therapy will be an incredible tool for this when you are able to go. For now, just let her do her thing and continue on with your plans

And stop telling her everything.

Post # 9
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Your mom is in the wrong here (it’s not you at all!). My mother is very stubborn and overbearing as well and also added to my wedding planning anxiety. I suggest looking up info and online resources for setting boundaries with an overbearing/difficult/narcissistic parent when you are an adult. That helped me immensely. Over the years I learned to get better about setting boundaries with my mom. Just remember, you are an adult and she can ask you to do whatever she wants, but that doesn’t mean you have to comply. I also agree with another PP, tell her that providing medication not prescribed to you is illegal. 

Post # 10
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

If you can’t stand up to your mom, you aren’t ready to be married.

That sounds harsh, and it is. But it’s the truth. It’s time for her to realize you are grown and make your choices.

Post # 11
Member
8246 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

gunnabamissus :  I would tell her it’s a hard no and say “if you keep insisting I’m going to call your doctor and tell him you’re forcing your prescription on other people”. She’ll stop if she can’t get the pills anymore! 

Post # 12
Member
4602 posts
Honey bee

Are you in therapy? If not, have you considered it?

You need to learn how to set boundaries.

1.  Unless you are mentally incapacitated and she has legal guardianship over you, she can’t forcibly medicate you.  This is where you learn to say no and set boundaries.

2.  You say you want her to feel involved.  Do you want her involvement more than you want your mental health?  Why are you prioritizing your mom being involved in decorations more than you are prioritizing your own mental health?  Is she paying for the wedding?  If she isn’t, then keep her on a need to know basis.  Spoiler alert: No one except the two people getting married NEEDS to know trivial sh*t like your flowers or your centerpieces or cake flavors until they are sitting their arse down in a chair at your reception.  They just don’t.  And if she is, paying, then you want to consider if accepting that money is worth the stress,  and reconsider how you are financing your wedding to have more control over it.  And if you’re doing this because you have some Hallmark movie picture in your head about you and your mom bonding and having Kodak moments over your wedding planning, you need to accept your reality that you don’t have a Hallmark mom.  

So you need to learn to prioritize the important things (i.e. your mental health) and set boundaries and if you don’t know how to do one or both of those things then a therapist is a good place to start you down the road to being able to do that.

Post # 13
Member
4317 posts
Honey bee

Dont take those meds!!!

Your mother has very bad judgement. It’s normal to have some anxiety regarding a wedding. But you seem to be handling it fine – many people have anxiety and they don’t need to be medicated <raises hand>. Practice telling her no, or “I’ll think about it, thanks for your opinion”. And don’t tell her about your plans. But if she’s footing the bill, she does get a say in the planning.

Post # 14
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

gunnabamissus :  Oh my goodness! I’m sorry bee. Your mom is 100% in the wrong and her behavior makes me so angry and frustrated for you. It sounds like much of your anxiety stems from her manipulations.  Please do not start taking any medication unless prescribed by a doctor. 

Confrontation is probably not the easier route, so I would vote for avoidance.  Everytime she makes your anxiety level rise, just politely distance yourself (maybe stop talking about wedding plans with her). Best of luck, bee. I’m so sorry.

Post # 15
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Clearly you shouldn’t be forced into taking medication, especially when it is prescribed for another person. 

Regarding your anxiety, I have a couple recommendations. 

1. The book Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. Best book for sufferers of anxiety and only $7 on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Hope-Help-Nerves-Claire-Weekes/dp/0451167228/ref=nodl_

2. Online CBT courses. Lower cost and better accessibility than seeing a therapist. The research backs it up, as well.

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