(Closed) My mom wants to wear leopard print .. it’s only the beginning

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Yikes!  Some ideas that might help:

Disregard your mom and FMILs opinions on Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and such.

Make an excuse for why your mom’s dress choices won’t work (ie off white makes you look washed out in pictures, offwhite will make my dress look dirty/glaringly white/whatever in pictures, the leopard print is too busy- how will you find a corsage to compliment it, it doesn’t work well with her coloring, etc) and then show her some of your "online finds" that you want to go shopping with her so she can try them on.  Or maybe just tell her that your Future Mother-In-Law is going to wear zebra print and they will clash! (JK)

Your FH- just remember that all his hard work is for the future well being of you as a couple (and perhaps later as a family).  Maybe ask him if he can set aside 1 evening a week (or every other week) to be home by 6pm so you can have dinner together and reconnect- discuss wedding plans, etc.  See if you can get away for a weekend- if not- can he take a weekend off and have a ‘staycation’ (no cell phone, no e-mail, etc.)?  And also- I’ve found that my husband is not a mind reader.  Unless I explicitly spell out exactly what I need/want him to do, he will never just offer to do something.  So, have you tried just telling your Fiance what specifically you need to help with?  Maybe he doesn’t know what you need when you just say, generally, "I need help."  Try saying, "I need you to research options for ceremony musicians- how much they charge, what songs they play, if they are available on our day, etc."

As for your MOH- I would bet your wedding budget that she would want you to call her up and vent to her!  She may not be able to go shopping with you, or help with DIY projects- but I’m guessing she has time to talk and you can run ideas by her and stuff.  She’s probably better able to talk you out of your funk that strangers on the internet!

If you don’t mind- let your mom make the favors- it’s one less thing for you!

Do you have any other BMs?  Can you call on them?  Can you invite them over for a wedding working ‘slumber party’? And get some help?

We all have times during planning when we get overwhelmed by all that needs doing and frustrated by other people’s seeming inability to relate to our plight.  Just remember that this too shall pass!

Hang in there! Good luck!

Post # 4
2640 posts
Sugar bee

You poor dear.  Where are the other BMs?  You need them.  If you don’t have any, other than the Maid/Matron of Honor, I’d consider asking a couple of friends.  this is one of the major reasons why we have them.  They help us.

Not sure what’s going on with Future Mother-In-Law.  Hopefully it’s just nerves.

You need to gently guide your mother towards appropriate dresses for the MOB.  Go online to view some.  Offer to take her shopping yourself.  Suggest a nice silver, or jewel toned dress. Something that goes with the color scheme if fine.  But maybe not the same color. 

Maybe she’s not aware of etiquette.  Maybe she has other emotional stuff going on. (She never got a real wedding of her own, and is trying to live vicariously through you.  Or maybe she’s feeling old with all of this stuff and the possibility of being a gramma in the not so distant future.)

Good luck.  Keep us updated.

Post # 5
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018 - LDS Seattle Temple & Hotel 1000

I know no one wnats me to write this, but how about you let your mom be herself? I remember reading a story of a Mother-In-Law who seemed set on upstaging the bride. How did the bride win the fight? She just ignored the Mother-In-Law. She didn’t let it ruin the wedding, and in the end the Mother-In-Law looked ridiculous and the bride was glowing.

 You can’t control every aspect of your wedding. You can suggest some alternative options ot your mom, tell her the truth, and then just remind yourself "You can’t choose your relatives."

I am sorry you are struggling with this though. It’s frustrating to have an idea of what you want and be able to help others understand.

Post # 6
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Hey…what’s wrong with a little leopard print?

Totally kidding! 

Coming from someone who will wear leopard anything, anywhere, (heck – even my name is Mrs. Leopard) even I wouldn’t wear that as the mother of the bride.

Maybe you can tell her the busy print isn’t slimming in photos?

Sorry you’re going through this.  Keep us posted.

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