(Closed) My mom would be happier if we didn’t have this wedding.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You’re not the only one.  My mother has not once brought up the topic of the wedding, let alone my father.  If I bring it up, she’ll sort of talk about it, but other than that it’s all about my little sister and her recent split with her boyfriend. It really has me down, too; I feel like my parents don’t really care about the wedding.  When I told her we were getting married, her first response was, “Are you sure?” and it’s been downhill from there.  And they really like FH! I’ve just decided to give up and only put the bare minimum details on her and the rest of the family.  They don’t seem to care, and that’s OK.  My little sister always has some kind of drama going on, so she needs their support, which I understand.  But  that doesn’t always make it feel any better.

Post # 4
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

you are not alone. and i’m sorry you have to endure that.

i love my mom to bits, but sometimes she gets like that. she lies, lets me down all the time, and is always just a little bit tipsy, to the point where i just ignore over half of what she says.

that’s why i think it’s important to have someone else there who can take on the role of whatever you’re not getting. for me, if i have a serious question i ask my step mom because she’s got a good head on her shoulder, and doesn’t judge.

i’m so happy for you that you have a good relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law, because at least there’s someone there for you if you need an escape.

my advice would just be to let whatever your mom says go in ear and out the other. maybe even ask questions you know she wants to hear and just let her talk. in the end, do it your way, because it’s your day.

it’s not ideal but it works for me so it’s the best i’ve got.

Post # 7
Member
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

That is a bummer! I really feel for you!!

Your situation is similar to my husband & his mothers relationship (I know its not the same as a bride & her mom, but of course it still hurts any child not to have a good & supportive relationship from their own mother.)

Well throughout the entire engagement & planning process. My husbands parents were nothing but negative & seemed mad that they whole wedding was even happening. Yes, part of it is because his mom doesn’t like me, but the whole drama was mainly because my husband and her don’t have a good relationship. It broke my heart when my husband told me that “he feels more love and warmth from my mom over his own” it made me want to cry hearing this!

Overall his parents caused all the stress & drama over the wedding. Which made it worse that his dad teamed up with his mom. One of the worst parts was that at the wedding his dad comes up to me and tells me “we are going to go ahead and take off!!!!” THE GROOMS PARENTS WANTED TO LEAVE THE WEDDING EARLY??!!!! I couldn’t believe them! Nobody was ill & nothing was wrong! When they told my husband they were leaving he got so upset! He basically guilted them into staying only to have them go into another room and watch baseball till the end of the wedding! It makes me so mad because they are so selfish that they didn’t even consider that leaving their own sons wedding would really hurt him!!

So, no, don’t worry! There are others with very dysfunctional relationships with their moms/parents πŸ™  

Post # 8
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Aww I’m sorry to hear that. Have you expressed your feelings to your mom about this. I say if she continues acting this way than stop bringing up wedding stuff to her. She is the one that is going ot lose out and it’s unfortunate for you both. I hope she comes around!

Post # 10
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am getting married in 10 months, and I have had the same reation from my mom. She was very excited when my fiance asked permission to propose to me, but since then, every idea I came up with was a no go with her. Mom told me to “plan my wedding as if I was paying for it”- I’m a student, so obviously we’re not goin to have the most extravegant wedding. When i told my mom what date we were thinking, so said “why not a winter wedding it’s cheaper”. Then, when I told her we waited to long to pick a place that we wanted and they didn’t have the date that we wanted, so we changed dates, mom compltely spazzed and says “you didn’t even ask if it suits us”. Isn’t a wedding about us, not what suits them? it’s a year away for F sakes! we’re having a friday wedding,  and again mom says “oh why would you do that? it’s so inconvenient to people including me”. I am now keeping her out of the loop of my wedding. I am tired of hearing her negativity, especially when my fiances parents love me and are helping us pay for the wedding- they told us how much they are giving us, and told us that if we need more, they are more than honoured to help out-especially since my fmil isn’t too thrilled that my mom isn’t helping out at all with this wedding.

Post # 11
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@AnnieAAA:

 

I wanted to respond to what you wrote about the parents of the groom who left the wedding early.

When I received my Master’s degree (which I paid for myself, and i should mention was two of the most arduous, pain-staking years of my life), my mom and her new boyfriend insisted that we leave my graduate programs graduation party (a really pretty, formal affair) several hours early. The reason? So she and her boyfriend could get a head start on their tour of vineyards they had planned the next day. My boyfriend at the time and I had planned a wine and cheese thing at my house, but my mom insisted that everyone was “too tired.” A lot of wine, cheese and salami in my fridge while I cried in anger for about 3 hours.

I later learned that my mom’s boyfriend (now her husband) was feeling insecure because his company had been bought, and people with my degree might be taking over his department. Well, still a lame excuse.

I’m getting married this spring, and reading this made me realize that, unfortunately, this is exactly the weird, passive-aggressive, devaluing thing that my mom might just do. It would drive me totally nuts. And it really, really is possible. She hates it when the focus is on someone else. She really needs to be in control or she gets “bored.”

thanks for writing about this. It really helps to know other people deal with this too and i am not totally alone in this weirdness.

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