Post # 1
Not only am I an encore bride, I am also an “older” one. (47) However, I have a very opinionated and vocal Mom who continues to stun me with her suggestions.
For one, she thinks I should wear a “suit” for the wedding. I told her I’ve been looking at simple tea length dresses,particularly one in ivory. Thinking of wearing a suit makes me think old, matronly woman or career, business type woman, and not a bride. She disapproves of just a dress…and especially of the color. I need to select a “color” according to her and avoid white, cream,and ivory.
She feels I should save $$$ and have the wedding outside using a picnic shelter at a local park. I explained to her that we were wanting to marry indoors so we would not need to be be so concerned about the weather. So she then suggested we have it at a retirement/nursing home. What? Really?!!!?!!
She thinks I should decorate with balloons and crepe paper to save money. I think that image seems more like a birthday paarty than a wedding to me.
She also thinks that I need to ask my 71 yr.old aunt, who did some catering 25-30 yrs.ago, to make the food,including the wedding cake. I told her that I felt that would be asking too much of her at her age. I explained that I want her to enjoy the day celebrating with family, without stress. Besides, we have already chosen our cake and bakery, and are narrowing down the caterer.
Anyone else have a similar problem?! Please know I love my mom very much and am thankful to have her in my life. I tend to avoid conflict and be a people pleaser, but I am not 20 any more and she will not be paying for anything this time down the aisle.
The latest? She feels that my fiance and I should adopt a child! Sigh…I asked her,”Oh ok why do you think we should adopt? She answered,Because I want another grandchild!”
Any thoughts bees?
Post # 3
@Lilacgal: Ignore your Mom. Seriously – all her ideas are really terrible! I mean seriously, a retirement home and balloons?!? Your idea for a dress sounds lovely and very appropriate as do all your other ideas. Be polite, be respectful, but don’t feel obligated to entertain your Mom’s suggestions.
Post # 4
I think its just because she’s from a different school of thought about 2nd weddings. In her day, you went to the courthouse with a nice colored suit on and did the deed quietly and without fanfare. Today brides spend thousands of dollars on encore weddings.
She sounds like she wants to be involved but has very different ideas than you. To keep the peace, I suggest replying with a smile “We will think about that.” Then make your own decisions. If she follows up you can tell her your plans or just say you went in a different direction.
Post # 5
I saw you are a grown adult and take your mother ideas as just suggestions. You can make your own decisions.
I know when my cousin got remarried my aunt starting making lovely suggestions as well. My cousin went right ahead and planned a very nice wedding. We come from a very old school Italian family and I think my Aunt was trying to appeal to the family and get my cousin to downplay the second marriage.
Post # 6
Aww….I wish I could still have my Mom around, so I’m prefacing this by saying that, but can’t you just smile, thank her, and do what you want? My Mom was that way (as am I), but we could always manage to find the humor in some things and just laugh it off. She’s probably dead serious with her suggestions too. lol
Maybe not discuss so much about your plans and reassure her you know what you’re doing? She’ll ‘get it’ when she sees it, and I’m sure she’ll love it.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2011 - Vandiver Inn
Let her say her piece, nod and smile, mutter something about how you’ll consider it if a response is absolutely required. Then feel free to ignore any suggestion that doesn’t actually help you.
Since it’s your event and you’re footing the bill, you have no obligation to take her suggestions. And thinking of them that way will reduce some of your stress when she starts in with these things.
As for as the grandchild, as her if she’d like to raise her grandchild. Because if you weren’t planning on more children, that will be the price of getting one. 😉
Post # 8
I went to a wedding at a senior center. Seriously, it was the worst decision that couple had ever made. Well maybe second worst because they also decided to only serve desserts during the middle of the afternoon….
Ignore those ideas! Just do what you want. Tell your mom politely that you’ll take all of her ideas into consideration…. and then ditch them immediately!
Post # 9
I thought my mom was the only one who wanted crepe paper LOL. Its definately the era they were born and grew up in. I just smile and tell her no.
Post # 10
Thank you ladies! I needed to vent and you all are so encouraging. I really appreciate it and LOVE the Weddingbee!
@lox ROFL! I agree! She suggested adoption because I was diagnosed last spring as being in menopause. I’m still raising my 10 yr.old and looking forward to my grandma days at this point in my life.
Post # 11
@Lilacgal: LOL well of course she wants you to have a cheap wedding, so you’ll have all that money to adopt her next grand child! Don’t sweat it. I know it’s probably not appropriate to stick your fingers in your ears and go LA LA LA LA LA at the top of your lungs every time she says things like this, but you can go there in your head. Just nod and smile and let it go in one ear and out the other and give yourself the wedding YOU (and your beloved) want!
Post # 12
my mum is EXACLTY the same. and if i dare have an opinion she bursts into episodes of ‘you think its all about you dont you’ .. i have no advice but know that you are not alone!
Post # 13
is that your picture? can I just say, you look 27 not 47. . .wow!
Post # 14
Let her give her suggestions. Doesn’t mean you have to follow them. Just take a deep breath and let her say what she wants.
FYI- i’m a 45 y.o. bride. YIPPEE for us! We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to do.
And you can wear anything you want. I’m wearing white. Although I’m not an encore bride, it really shouldn’t matter. Wear what makes you feel beautiful!
Post # 15
Oh, and my Maid/Matron of Honor is older than me, and she goes for all that 1970s-80s bridal stuff too. I told her to get her head out of the 80s. LOL.
Post # 16
I hear you. I asked my mom at the beginning of planning if there was anything important to her or that she hoped I would do and she said no just do what makes me happy. As I have planned, she has numerously piped in saying but why aren’t you doing it this way. I just tell her that it isn’t what we want.