My moms wedding set

posted 1 month ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 1996

Let it go.

Post # 3
Member
421 posts
Helper bee

My mom had said she would give me the diamond my dad gave her when I was in high school, since they had divorced. 

It was never brought up again until I got engaged. My husband bought my ring on his own and my Mom took hers out of the security deposit box, had my step-dad reset it, and now wears it with pride. 

It’s not worth the bad feelings. It’s already gone. 

Post # 4
Member
3974 posts
Honey bee

I totally understand. I was supposed to get my grandmother’s wedding ring since I was a little girl, but my aunt (my grandmother’s daughter in law) basically convinced my grandmother on her death bed to give the ring to my cousin because he was proposing and didn’t have money to buy a ring. My sister even went out of her way to call my aunt and say “you know it was supposed to go to fanshell. Everyone knows that.” It guts me that the person who gets to wear this ring didn’t know my grandparents at all and had no idea what it symbolizes. But, at the end of the day, it’s just an object and I know she wanted me to have it. So, in my mind, I do. About a month later, I held my grandmother’s hand as she passed and that was the greatest gift of all, to be with her (it was just the two of us.) A couple of years later, my parents gifted me a beautiful sapphire ring for my college graduation as a sort of “replacement” which was really sweet. We can’t take these things with us, so I will take the memories. 

Post # 5
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee

You don’t have to speak to your brother about the set, your mother can do it if she wants to.  I’m not sure whether your mom forgot about what she told you when you were a little girl or whether she changed her mind.  What kind of relationship do you have with your mom?  Do you think that she made a conscious decision to give it to him?

You should talk to her once a reasonable amount of time has passed after your sister’s death.  If she realizes she forgot her thought when you were younger, she can ask your brother whether the set means that much to him and whether he would be willing to let you have it instead.  If she did it for a reason, you will find out that reason.

I know you can’t speak to your brother, but do realize that the set is still in the blood line and your mom has the ability to try to fix this if she chooses to.  It’s a much better situation than the bee who recently wrote about a ring that was given to an in-law.

Post # 6
Member
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

View original reply
@marcelshell21:  Just move on from it

Post # 7
Member
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

I’ve been in a similar situation and the best thing to do is let it go and move on. It sounds like your family has alot going and stressing about getting a ring that was promised isn’t worth it. It does suck but from experience, I lingered in my hurt feelings for a long time, moving on will be better for you in the long run.

Post # 8
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

When your mom told you she gave the ring to your brother, was there follow up conversation? Did you say, “I thought you were giving it to me. what happened?” What did you say to your mother after she gave you this news and what was her response?

Post # 9
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

I feel your hurt. My mom died when I was 5. My dad remarried less than a year later and reused her ring for my step mom. Many times I asked her to leave me my moms diamond some day. She said she would give it to my daughter when she was 21. My dad died, stepmom is remarried. Daughter is way past 21. No ring ever given. I’ve told my half sister I would give her anything for that diamond back some day. I doubt I will ever see it. 

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