(Closed) My mother asking me why I can't be "normal" for a day. /long

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mousebride:  I love the wing thing! I will PM you one of my pinterest boards if you like. You will find lots of inspiration there. 😛

You will always have haters no matter what you do. You could be completely “normal” and traditional, ie: boring, people will still find something to gripe about! I think the most important thing is to be true to yourself. If you go thru life trying to please everyone you will be miserable.

If your parents aren’t contributing financially then they are your guests and the guest does not dictate what her hostess can or cannot wear. Yes it is about joining two families but shouldn’t those two families accept the couple for who they are? It sounds like you often dress up so how is this weird or extreme? By The Way can we be friends IRL? I would love to have more fun friends who don’t take themselves to seriously!

I much prefer going to a fun theme wedding than a stuffy traditional wedding. I find most people do. I am unsure that it will be appropriate in a Catholic church though so you may want to consider switching venues. I think if you do try this in a church you are going to have more people up in arms and feel it is “sacrilegious” where if you do this outside you will get very few comments.

As to the detractors saying they couldn’t take a bride seriously dressed in costume. The whole wedding look is a costume. Not many people dress up to that extent. They are just bothered by the fact that you are departing from tradition. Since traditions vary wildly from culture to culture and there are now so many intercultural marriages I really feel this is all a non issue. Things are changing drastically in the wedding world and what is now “traditional” may not be in 40 years.

I to am planning a theme wedding. Is anyone surprised? Nope! I wear period costumes all the time for work so no one is batting an eye. I would feel more costumey in a traditional wedding dress. :p

PM me is you ever want to chat about offbeat weddings and family reactions. Best of luck in your planning! 

Post # 18
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

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@Luayne:  That’s what I was thinking of, too!

I think something like that would be absolutely stunning!

Post # 19
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@redness82:  +1 I love the karoake first song idea!!

Post # 20
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@hma812:  Thank you! We are pretty excited! 🙂

Post # 21
Member
2909 posts
Sugar bee

I say this with hope for you: There are things I wanted for my wedding that I let my mother talk me out of, because she wanted it to be “normal.” In retrospect, many years later, those are the things I regret most not having. Please have what YOU want for your wedding. Sit your mother down and tell her how important these things are to you — and then HAVE THEM, whether she understands or not. The best thing you can do for yourself in life is BE WHO YOU ARE. Do it.

Laughing

Post # 22
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@MrsWBS:  you said what I was trying to say…the theme of a wedding should be wedding

 

Post # 23
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@redness82:  This exactly.

Plus I love wings. I think it’d be really pretty.
If you aren’t her version of normal on a daily basis, why should your wedding be? Don’t spend the day trying to appease other people. It’s you and your hubby’s day, not hers.

Post # 24
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

A lot of folks said it for me, but I’m echoing the do what you want! It’s you and your FI’s day, not your mom’s, and obviously your theme and your look are a big part of who you are as a person and the two of you as a couple. Boo hoo for anyone who has a problem with it.

And I think wings are cute, period. ^_^

Post # 25
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

There’s an episode of Say Yes to the Dress where the bride wears fairy wings with her dress and has a Wiccan ceremony with everyone in medieval outfits- have you seen it?

 

Admittedly that was not my style preference for my own wedding, but I thought her wings were really beautiful and could serve as great inspriation for what you’re looking for. I agree with previous psoters though that you should probably save them for the reception, especially since it sounds like the wedding will be in a Catholic church. In Catholicism, the wedding isn’t just a ceremony, it’s a sacrament, and as such has a very strict format passed down through the church. Although it’s clear to me from your post that you do not in any way intend to offend or make light of this by wearing wings to the church, I’m not sure how you could pull them off without it seeming to some of your guests that you are. I do hope you wear them to the reception though, as it sounds like they make a lot of sense for who you and your Fiance are, which is what the reception ideally reflects as much as possible- you’re celebrating the two of you after all!

Post # 26
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@TwoCityBride:  +1.

Post # 27
Member
4438 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

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@future mrs Q:  That’s what this thread made me think of!  That bride was gorgeous 🙂  Altho her ceremony was a little wacky IMO…

Post # 28
Member
8880 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You should do whatever you want to, it’s YOUR day. I would be hurt too, but just try to understand that mom may not get it. It’s not her taste or style, which is fine. But she should respect your wishes.

Post # 29
Member
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@dkacerek: I agree. I never herad of a wedding theme until I got engaged.  Then, everyone started asking me what my theme was. I kind of looked at them all confused the first time and said ummm wedding??  Who knew!

Post # 30
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

No offense, but I have a hard time seeing a priest being okay with wings. In my eyes it is a time to be traditional, not a show to put on. I would leave that to your reception with the costumes, wings, and other frills.

 

 

Post # 31
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Is your mom paying for the wedding? I think it should be taken into consideration.

 

I know everyone loves to say it’s “your” day, but it is a big day for your families too. Your mom has probably been dreaming of this day as long as you have, may be contributing a significant amount of money, and will want photographs she can treasure, and display in her home.

 

I am not saying your mom handled it in the best way, but I think it’s worth the conversation to hear her point of view rather than simply dismissing her.

 

The topic ‘My mother asking me why I can't be "normal" for a day. /long’ is closed to new replies.

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