(Closed) My mother has NO idea about bridal showers and is stressing *drama*

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

My mom is the same way.  I already know she won’t be throwing me a shower, so hopefully Future Mother-In-Law and FCIL will.  I’m not even sure my mom will come to mine =/  She is very anti-social. 

That being said, I would NEVER expect anyone to rent champagne and chocolate fountains and buy favors for my shower.  I guess I’m just not high maintenance.  I just want a simple shower, at someone’s house, with finger foods and games.  I’ve never been to a bridal shower that had favors.  I would feel way too guilty asking someone to pay for all of that.  Especially if they had ALREADY contributed to my wedding finances.

Do you realize how much having a party at a restuarant costs?  Trust me, I wanted to have my shower at a very nice tea house that I love to have lunch at.  But, at $15 PP, that is ridiculous to expect of anyone to pay for (especially if they are buying me wedding gifts/paying for my wedding). 

Unless you want to fork over some money for this fancy shower you envision for yourself, you should just be happy with what your mom can afford.  Champagne dreams on a beer budget??

Post # 4
14659 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

My mom wasnt very involved in planning mine either.  She had no clue what to do since its not a tradition in our culture.  My BM’s put together a little shower for me at my house with some take out and one of them actually had a chocolate fondue fountain – I think you can actually buy those for 40 or 50 bucks.  Then one of them had lots of decorations from other parties.  It was a great low key gathering.

Post # 7
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

First off, you can do a shower on the cheap.  I think my Maid/Matron of Honor spent all of 60 bucks for mine. It was for decorations and food.  It was simple and nice. You don’t need to do a big affair and sorry but the champagne & chocolate fountain is a bit much to me. 

Post # 8
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think you’re being spoiled just yet but be careful because it could easily go in that direction! No one should be asked to throw you a shower, and hints should also not be given unless they are asked for, because showers can get very pricey! Really the only way to do one inexpensively is to have it at someone’s home as your mom suggested. Your mom is already being generous by contributing to the wedding, lots of parents do not.

At a minimum a restaurant shower starts at about $15 a person. So if you have 40 people that is 600. Add on cake starts at about $2 a slice, a few dollars per person on favors…you’re easily looking at $1000. And that’s without any champagne or chocolate fountains.

Post # 9
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Showers can be very expensive. I threw one for my girlfriend a couple of years ago, and I spent around 400 bucks, and three of our friends and the bride’s mom chipped in! With that being said, it was a very extravagant shower. We actually rented out a penthouse hotel, and quite a bit of money with to that. We had favors, prizes for the games, good food, and elaborate decorations.


The reason I did not mind doing this is that my friend (the bride), didn’t ask for the shower or anything else. You have to be careful not to ask for anything, it’s just not fair, nor is it practical from the sound of your specific situation.


But I do understand your wanting a shower, I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t be sad if I didn’t get a shower. However, if I was in the situation you are in, I would start researching things on the cheap. An unconvential place you can have it for free, cheap food (maybe you have a good cook in your clique?), and DIY favors. There are ways to have a nice shower for under 100 bucks, start doing your research 🙂

Good luck, and don’t forget to not sweat the small stuff. When it is all said it done, you get to marry the man of you dreams 🙂

Post # 10
34 posts
  • Wedding: September 2011

@maggierose: I am not having a shower but I’m in the same boat as you but it’s because I have no bridal party so no one will be throwing my shower (if you wanted to follow formalities and all).

Like everyone says, it’s really just a small thing but I do understand the sadness. Sometimes these little gestures makes it feel like someone cares even though parts of it is kind of superficial (like the expectations of renting things, food, favors, drinks and whatever expenses the host/hostess(es) has to spend)

But having no bridal shower, is just a tad less stressful I bet. No worries about extra unneeded stuff, any weird etiquette situations that arise out of it, expensive rentals, social conundrums, and extra thank you cards.

Post # 11
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@maggierose: I wouldn’t rely as much on your mom, maybe you two miscommunicated, and she thinks your expectations are too high?

Post # 12
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You can definitely do a cheap shower, but what you’re talking about is not cheap. A champagne brunch for 20-25 people could run a few thousand dollars. From the way you tell the story, it seems like you were assuming your mom would help out with the shower so I can understand her response. It’s not her duty to throw you a shower and tradiitonal etiquette says it’s actually inappropriate for her to throw you a shower.

Post # 13
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Why not have a potluck? You can buy some balloons at the dollar store and then everyone can bring food. It doesn’t have to be expensive.

Post # 14
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I dont think I will be having a shower either; my mom wouldn’t throw me one unless I paid for it and my BMs are all in different cities.  It’s a little sad, but some times these things just aren’t feasible.

Post # 15
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

It sounds like she DOES know about showers as well as the financial situation of your bridal party, and knowing that they are in no position to help with money, thinks you expect her to cover the expense. She’s right, isn’t she? Lots of brides expect that their Moms will foot yet another bill since they don’t want to put the burden on their bridal party, but have no problem expecting their Moms to come up with the funds. Many Moms will do it too, rather than have their daughters be upset over it. Some will host and some will help out in the background, and some will do nothing at all.

I personally think the bridal shower should be planned and paid for by the bridal party (as that’s the only way I’ve seen it over the years), but traditions are different everywhere. As the recipient of a shower,tho, I think you shouldn’t be involved in it at all and especially not to ask for one.

Post # 16
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hey – we are date twins!

I hope that you can have a nice shower. I am in a similar situation and am 99% sure there will be no shower or other type of pre-wedding even. Oh well… my goal is just to get through the whole thing with as little drama as possible. Cool

The topic ‘My mother has NO idea about bridal showers and is stressing *drama*’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors