(Closed) My mother in law Hates me.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@bbfyso:  This is horrendous to hear about. I wish there was an easy answer for the situation but there doesn’t appear to be. I think being happy that you are separated by an ocean is a start.

Maybe I would start by telling him to stand up to her a little more. She shouldn’t be dissrepecting his wife like that.

Second, I would stop letting her invade your life. If she calls – let him answer the phone. Send her emails straight to the trash. The quicker you are able to stop communicating with her the better.

I think after you have doen this a while she might understadn that she does not have power in your lives anymore. Maybe this is a good start?

Post # 4
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@bbfyso:  ““Mom she is my wife and you need to respect her end of discussion” things would be better why is this so hard for him?”

it might not be easy for him to do but he needs to do it. as long as he lets his mother treat you this way it won’t stop.

Post # 5
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I am so sorry…This sounds horrible and like a lot of unecessary stress. This truthfully could even get in the way of a relationship-but it doesn’t have to. It needs to be taken care of as if it was an emergency. You are taking a lot of beatings, beatings from the mother. Your husband needs to stand up for you. He should be taking the battles. You should be simply deleting her emaisl without looking and avoiding phone calls. If you see her in public you act cordial and nice. If she starts being nasty set limits


The point is- you can’t take this anymore, and your husband who shoud be your number one fan and supporter should stand up to her. this is ridiculous. 

Post # 6
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

First of all, I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of this! It sounds like you did everything that you could. I’m sorry that I don’t have any advice, but it really seems like there is no pleasing everyone in this situation. I think that your husband should put her in her place, but it sounds like she would just cut him out of her life. Not ideal. The only other option, though, is to have her continually put you and your family down. Even less ideal. 

You poor thing. Keep us updated with what you decide to do. Good luck!

Post # 7
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

This has nothing to do with being a different culture and everything to do with being a self-absorbed twat! At least your husband can see it and is on your side – if he was not, things would be so much worse. I would try to just ignore her and have as minimal contact with her as possible – all communication should go through your husband, etc. Since she lives in a different country, it should be a lot easier to deal with. And when you visit or she visits: HOTEL so you do not go crazy!

Post # 8
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

What a nightmare! You sound like a GREAT person (with a GREAT head on your shoulders! I think it’s great you can work pro-bono!) I can’t imagine why she doesn’t like you!

I would just ignore her. Don’t talk to her, don’t look at her e-mails. Just pretend she doesn’t exist.

She lives across the Atlantic, so atleast you don’t have to worry about her dropping in!

Post # 9
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

He needs to stand up to his mother. How you live your life is of no concern of hers. I would Definatley stop communicating with her. No emails and no phone calls. And stop apologizing! You haven’t done anything wrong.

Post # 10
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

oh my god, what the hell is wrong with her!?

You need to tell your hubby to stand up for you and if she doesnt want to be part of his son’s life, that’s up to her.

Also, show him how she sent you the e-mail to you too, not only him, what a passive agressive bi*ch.

Post # 11
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Wow I dont know what to say.. i feel so bad for you guys honestly. I don’t know how you can tolerate someone like this. Im sorry to hear this.

Post # 12
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

He definitely needs to have your back on this and stand up to her. Some mothers are just the type that think no one will ever be good enough for their kids. You sound like a good person from a good family, but that might not matter. She may have disliked you before she even set eyes on you and sometimes there is nothing you can do about that. The important thing is that your husband defends you. If he doesn’t then there is trouble in the water and it will start to create problems within your marriage. I’d talk to your SO and stress how important it is that he stands up to his mother. No one should have to choose, but by staying neutral it sometimes causes more problems in the long run.



Post # 13
8692 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If your husband won’t stand up to her, then I’d tell him he can speak to her from now on and I’d block all her emails or immediately trash them without reading. Since you live in different countries it’s not like you’ll have to see her every weekend thankfully.

Post # 14
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

“I on the other hand Come from a very big family and no matter what happens. ” Appologize and be friends again or…….forget about it and be friends again.”

I’m really sorry to say this, but this theory doesn’t work with some people. My family is like your’s… the issues are never so big that we can’t just move on.

Your Mother-In-Law is mentally disturbed. Some people are just plain mean-spirited and impossible to work with. FI’s family is similar (although none of them hate me… they’re just abusive and mean).

Sometimes you just can not reason with some people while maintaining your own sanity. It just isn’t healthy. Fiance had to cut his parents off. Its not to be mean, its not being stubborn. Its the healthiest thing that he could do.

I wish you luck with this situation, just remember that its not selfish to cut people out of your life who bring nothing but pain. Its the best thing that you can do for yourself, your Darling Husband, and any future children (if you and your Darling Husband want to have children of course 😉 ) you two may have.

You aren’t the stubborn and selfish one – she is.

Post # 15
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

A nice reply of “te faire enculer” is in order.

But seriously this woman seems like she has serious mental problems and no rational conversation will help your situation.  She needs a Psychiatrist and meds.  I mean that in all seriousness.

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