(Closed) My Mother In Law is SO difficult!

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I confront my mother in law about her behavior?
    No, then she will dislike you more. : (5 votes)
    14 %
    YES! You don't deserve that! Your not a doormat. : (10 votes)
    27 %
    Have your husband confront her, even if he doesn't want to! : (13 votes)
    35 %
    No, and just continue to kill her with kindness! She has nothing on you. : (9 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    148 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I think we may have the same mother in law hahah. Mine has done some really terrible things and some of them have been very similar to what is happening to you. I always tried the kill her with kindness approach until I simply could not take it anymore. My fiancé had confronted her many times with no relief. I am glad that he tried first because he does know them better than I do and it did show that he would stand up for me. Finally, I confronted her and nothing changed what so ever. My fiancé and I have not spoken to her in about a year now. Although confronting her did not help, I can honestly say that I feel better about myself for knowing that I could stand up for myself. I think it would be a good idea to have your husband talk to her first. Maybe just hearing it from her son will make a difference. I hope for the very best for you!

    Post # 5
    Member
    749 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I feel like we have the same Mother-In-Law lol. I have always had a difficult relationship with mine too. Always being compared to the type of girl she wished Fiance would end up with. I just try to ignore her mean comments.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2891 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    You are not alone.  I would have an honest discussion with your dear husband about your feelings. Then ask him what he thinks you should do because you can’t take it anymore.  Maybe he will take it upon himself (which he should) to talk to dear momma.  It will have more impact coming from him.  If that doesn’t work you will have to take the Mother-In-Law by the horns so to speak. Wink 

    Good Luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    3126 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    I wish I could have voted for more than one option. First I would have your husband talk to her while you kill her with kindness. I don’t think he should confront her because it puts people on the defensive, but maybe say something like “@MrsSpiels2Be:‘s feelings are hurt. It seems like you didn’t have much interest in our wedding but you are excited about so and so’s. MrsSpiels2Be really wants to have a close relationship with you. What do you think needs to be done for the two of you to bond?” That way he isn’t saying it isn’t anyones fault and he is making her part of the solution instead of part of the problem. If that doesn’t work, he needs to put her in her place and make it clear that he is on your side. If her behavior continues, you need to stand up for yourself then decide how much you want to allow her to get away with before you and the hubs separate yourself from her for a bit of time.

    Post # 8
    Member
    328 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @MrsSpiels2Be: Wow, I feel for you!! I feel as though I’m getting an incredible mother-in-law … wish yours would treat you properly instead of like a dirty napkin. She sounds down right awful, and I chose the option to confront her, but if you do I HIGHLY recommend you first, talk it over with your husband and secondly have him present.

    I mean, what happens the day you have kids? And you’re at some family function and your kids are smart enough to catch on, and ask, “Mommy why does grandma treat you like that?”

    I dunno…just seems like it’s better to put all the cards on the table, then smile and pretend to not care. Because at some point, it’s going to cause you to turn around and snap and you won’t mean to, but you might take your frustration out on your husband or someone else.

    I hope it all works out for you. Hope you can come to an understanding.

    Post # 11
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    OMG why can’t women get along?!

    So weird how MILs can be…mine has always been VERY judgemental of overweight people, which is HIGHLY uncomfortable because-ta da!-both me and my Fiance are overweight…we both have some health issues and medications that prevent an active lifestyle/and the losing of weight. She has said, well you two USED to be so attractive (yup!!!)…

    So now I disregard her, and understand why my Fiance has never been close to her his whole life, we only see them three or four times a year, they are an 8 hour drive away, and only at THEIR convenience. They have never offered to pay for any of the wedding, and she has not to this date asked about anything to do about the wedding, colours, dress, flowers, just concerned about where the brunch will be and why do we have to drive into the city and pay for parking to go….!?! blah blah blah.

    I try to have a nice relationship with her but no bite, so now I don’t take it personal and think, hey her loss!

    And thats really what you should do too!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Hope it works out.Sounds crazy.

    Post # 13
    Member
    692 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Omg I’m in the same boat my future Mother-In-Law adores my fiance’s brothers girlfriend. She’s always comes across as judgmental towards me cuz I didn’t grow up where she lives and she was so accustomed to having a lavish lifestyle thanks to her partner who recently had an affair and left her. She’s a very clingy person and relies on her 2 sons too much so I think she sees me as a threat maybe, like she thinks I’m taking her son away. His brother lives with his mum so he and his girlfriend are always in her good books but my fiancé lives with his dad so I don’t see her heaps. Now that we’re buying a place together soon to move out she snobs off where we wanna live and keeps suggesting where she thinks we should live. Don’t get me started with her already trying to push where we should have our wedding and I doubt she will even be contributing towards it! I can’t stand her!!! Don’t worry just stay out of her way people like that no one can ever meet their standards but all it is is a reflection on how insecure and messed up a person they are. They have to live their lives through urs and criticize you cuz they’re so miserable within themselves so everyone else has to suffer. I feel your pain!!

    Post # 14
    Member
    692 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I should have mentioned at one stage due to a few comments I was sure my Mother-In-Law disliked me even though all I ever was was nice to her. She would brag infront of us about how great her other son’s gf was so I felt like crap. I spoke to my Fiance about it and he could see it too so he ended up confrontingghee about it for me. I felt so bad that he had to be put in that position but I couldn’t do it myself I’m one of those too nice to confront peopLe types. Anyway she denied it all and said she didn’t have a problem with me to my Fiance. Next time I saw her she was extra nice. She’s been better since but she is still judgemental and a bit interfering. 

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