My mother-in-law is staying with us for 6 months, and I can't take it anymore

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
4745 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

absinthecat :  Are those other relatives still able to accomodate her?  If so I’d suggest having her go there for some or all of her time.  

As far as the language issue, can your DH make a series of dual language flash cards for you and your MIL to use, so at least there is some basic understanding?

Post # 3
Member
5773 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

Why does she only live in her home half the year? Is there some reason for this I missed? Can she not move to where ever you are fulltime and have her own place there? 

Post # 4
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

6 months at a time? That is way too long. You’re right, you can’t develop as newlyweds and as an independent family unit when she’s there half the year. Definitely talk to your husband about prioritizing the growth of your marriage instead of prioritizing his mother. 

Post # 5
Member
3466 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t wait to talk to your husband about this. You’ll just get more resentful and the conversation won’t be as productive. Does he not notice/care that you are finding ways to avoid being home? 

Post # 8
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I am marrying into a society where this type of thing would be normal but I’ve made it clear from the start that I couldn’t cope. Especially not with six months. One month, sure. Any longer, we’d need a serious chat.

Please, don’t wait to discuss it with your husband. Tell him you’re okay with her staying two months (or whatever you are comfortable with) but after that she’ll have to stay somewhere else. He obviously know the effect it had on you last time. Be open with him from the start; that way if you know she’ll only be there for 2 months perhaps that will help your relationship with her as you’ll be less stressed overll.

As for language, even if she doesn’t speak English, can you use her as a language teacher? Again, I understand language problems. I’m a native English speaker, speak French with my FI, speak another language with a lot of people here, and he and his family speak another other language. I’ve started to learn it recently but progress is slow. But living with someone who speaks a language and is willing to speak slowly and make an effort to help me understand really helped me learn my first local alnguage here.

Post # 9
Member
4745 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

absinthecat :  So sorry for your ordeal.   Make a list of phrases you would like to use, and ask your MIL to do the same – possible replies, maybe.  Have him translate, write down what they are on both languages and what they sound like.  That may help!

And I would also suggest talking to your DH asap about the situation.  Don’t continue to suffer as you have – the stress will take a toll on your health and on your relationship with your DH.   

You had no idea what you were getting into – and it is up to him to step up and help find a solution.  You two are a team now, and he needs to be on your side, and work something out that is palatable to you both.  

Post # 12
Member
9689 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

absinthecat :  ok so she can’t qualify for a lease, why not put her up in an airbnb for a month at a time or corporate short term apartment. 

I don’t understand why this decision was made without you, and why she has no resources so it’s assumed to be your issue. Of course he wants to help his mom, but he can’t ruin his marriage to do so. 

Post # 13
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

absinthecat :  Has your husband explained why he tricked you into living with his mother half the year?????  Because that shit would not fly with me.  I’d make him choose.  It’s her or me.  I can put up with a lot, but people invading my personal space is beyond.  I’m not saying I’d divorce him, but one of you has to move out.  If she can’t afford it she can stay in Ukraine.

Post # 14
Member
14004 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

How big is your home?   Can you make a separate living space for her like an apartment in the basement or part of the house that can be closed off so you still have your own space? 

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