My mother in Law is trying to plan our wedding Help!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You say NOOOOOOO.

We have a saying around the bee. “No pay, no say.” If she isn’t paying, she has absolutely no say. This isn’t her wedding. Stop telling her what you guys are deciding and put a stop to her behavior now because it will only get worse.

And also tell your Fiance to grow a pair and stop listening to mommy. Sounds like you have an extremely over-bearing Future Mother-In-Law & a fiance who does whatever she says. This needs to stop ASAP. Have a chat with him.

Post # 3
Member
3042 posts
Sugar bee

If you marry this guy, I strongly recommend DWIL nation.  In fact, it would be a useful site now.  Your Fiance needs to cut the umbilical cord.

Post # 4
Member
2071 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Have a talk with your Fiance about boundaries.  You have an Fiance problem not a Mother-In-Law problem.

Post # 5
Member
3883 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

You have a Fiance problem, not a Future Mother-In-Law problem. He needs to stop caving to his mother’s demands and needs to start sticking with what the two of you agreed to. Have a talk with him about how the wedding decisions are just for the two of you to make, and no one else gets a vote.

Post # 6
Member
7802 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Definitely a Fiance problem. Future Mother-In-Law can try to insert herself as much as she likes–FI needs to shut it down. 

“Thank you for the suggestion mom, bees3 and I have decided to go in another direction/bees3 and I will take it into consideration/bees3 and I have already decided X.”

Post # 7
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee

I would sit down with my Fiance and tell him I want him to stop discussing our decisions with his mother.

“Sweetheart, it’s important to me that we make these decisions as a couple, without input from our family. Our wedding is about our marriage celebration and what WE want, not what other people want.”

Because seriously… is he an independant an adult or is he an overgrown child who needs mummy’s opinion and mummy’s permission? Yuck.

As for house shopping, that’s simple. DON’T INVITE HER. Tell your Fiance you don’t want him discussing listings or appointments with her. Don’t give her the opportunity to invite herself along.

Post # 8
Member
2798 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Ask him why his mommy’s opinion is more important than yours, given that you’re the woman he has chosen to marry.  Tell him that him being a mommy’s boy is a real turnoff and he needs to cut the umbilical cord or you might find you are never able to have sex with him again because you’ve been so thoroughly turned off.

Post # 9
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

Trying to look on the bright side that she loves you guys and wants to be involved… is there a project you can offer her?  Can she design centerpieces / research DJs / put together a slideshow for the rehearsal dinner / book a shuttle company?

Post # 10
Member
9389 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

my Mother-In-Law was upset when she found out we were purchasing a home and had not invited her to tour it or even get her opinion before we put in an offer.

but then she got over it.

Sometimes, if you know someone is the sort who will try and make your decisions for you, who will pester you to ensure you do what they say, and will get upset with you if you don’t do what they want, its better to not tell them about a decision until it’s already made.  Both my Mother-In-Law and mother are like this, so I just don’t tell them about things until it’s a done deal–unless I don’t mind the idea of them TELLING me what I’m going to do and throwing a fit if I don’t do it.  I slip up sometimes and tell them plans, and I always regret it.

As for your FI–he is a much bigger problem.  If he doesn’t get on board and agree that you guys need to make certain important decisions on your OWN and then stand firm on them when your parents find out about them, then you’re going to have a very difficult time for the rest of your marriage to him.

Post # 11
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

sometimes its hard for a nice person be mean, or confrontatinal. nip it in the bud asap first with your fi and then with your mother in law. dont leave this up to him it needs to come from you. if u let it start now it will never end. ” i appreciate your excitement for our wedding, but we have been saving every penny and i want things to be my way there is no way she will not get her feelings hurt expect the worse case scenario, she doesnt want nothing to do with your wedding. 

Post # 12
Member
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Lol nope. My mom is like this. She has an opinion on everything. Our home, our vacations, our baby, you name it. She loves telling us how we should be spending our time/money. I just say “that’s nice but we’re going with _____.” Or if her comments come in text/email form, I just don’t reply at all. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Post # 13
Member
757 posts
Busy bee

Stop telling her what you’re deciding then. It’s not her wedding. If she asks, just say “it’s going well! Can’t wait for you to see on the day of!”

Post # 14
Member
7166 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Your Fiance needs to get a handle on his mommy issues. Since he clearly likes being told what to do by a strong willed woman, you just have to take over doing it.  😉

I’d let him know that if I WANTED to marry his mother, I would have asked her on a date first. I’d also make it clear to him that if he has no opinion, that’s fine but it would be better to say that than to come to me regurgitating his mother’s opinions.

Post # 15
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
bees3 :  He needs to stop sharing details with her – just keep her in the general picture, no details!!

And he has got to stop siding with her.  You and your Fiance are the A team, and it is a team of two.  

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