(Closed) My mother is being a brat

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m sorry, your response made me laugh and its totally something I would do. I think you informed her of the circumstances and if she’s aware she’s just being a brat. Tell her you’ll give her the extra invitations if the extra guests don’t mind sitting outside since you’re already at capacity.

Post # 4
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

She did a BAD thing.  Probably opened up her mouth when she shouldn’t have.  No you are not unreasonable.  Best advice I can give you though, is to give her the invitations with the caveat that that’s IT.  Make her agree to it.  You will probably have last minute cancellations that will cover it- there’s a good probability that these 3 parties won’t even show up.  But if you are crowded, you can give your mom a “knowing” look.  I firmly believe that you reap what you sow, and in this case- it’s best to avoid a fight, put up a firewall, and work it if she’s wrong.  It really is bad for her to do this though right now.  Maybe you can have a margarita in 15 years and let her “have it” then… kinda like I did with my Mom.  To tell the truth though, I grew a lot more forgiving of my own Mom’s foibles after raising my own children.  So, just to say, things CAN and do get better.  Best wishes.

Post # 6
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would have done the same thing you did with telling your mom she can either pay for it (as she said she would do) or you will be having it at city hall. I don’t know if this is your situation, but perhaps you would have had a smaller wedding in the first place, had your mom not offered to pay?

It’s not fair for your mom to essentially throw it in your face that she is paying. Of course you should take some of her suggestions into account- not because she is paying- but because she is your mom and you love her and want to include her in your day. In this case, I think she needs to step up and wait it out. I am sure more people will be unable to come and then she can have her extra invitations. You might want to write her a to the point email and just tell her how you feel. “I am upset because…” but try to talk about how you feel and not what she did in this situation. And then explain again, she will be the first person to get the extra invitations. Ask for her to be patient. Tell her this is a stressful time for everyone. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your mom crossed a line IMO. It’s your wedding and you & your Fiance total invited less guests than she did. Just because she is paying doesn’t mean she gets to hijack your wedding! I would have sent my mother the same response that you did. My mom has acted like a baby about the wedding before and said “well I’m paying for X so you should do X” I always respond with it’s MY wedding not yours and if that’s the way it’s going to be then we’ll cancel and fly to Vegas ALONE. That usually makes her stop because #1 She usually realizes that it is MY wedding, she’s already had hers, this is my & FI’s time #2 She’s being stupid and unreasonable #3 She wouldn’t want to miss the wedding of her daughter

If your mother responds to cancel it then only send cancellations to your guests, FI’s guests and FIL’s? guests. Let your mom worry about sending cancellations to her guests and explain that she threw a hissy fit and cancelled the wedding. Then out of spite because I can be a witch sometimes I would get married at City Hall and not invite her, but send her a picture afterwards. That’s mean I know but it’s just me if she went as far to cancel your wedding. Good Luck!

Let us know what she says!

Post # 8
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Soon2B – Note to self: Don’t make you mad!!

Post # 9
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Give your Mom the night to get over it and hopefully she calms down! I guess the positive about paying for the wedding on our own is we wont have to deal with this; our money & our guest list!

Post # 11
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Well if she disinvites her 2 cousins plus the 1 invite you gave her that will be her 3 so she can move on and act like the mother of the bride! Good luck!!!

Post # 12
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My mom is also trying to be controlling about things but she isn’t paying for well, hardly anything. I think she just feels left out because she lives in a different state. I still have 6 months to deal with this crap. We are even going as far as growing our own flowers for the wedding because we can’t afford florist. We also just bought our first house. I’m oozing stress right now. Also my FI’s mom just got in touch with him for the first time in 10 years and one of his daughters just found him on Facebook after no contact for 15 years. All of these things are good. Life-changing but good.

Post # 13
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

That’s so childish of your mother. My mom hung up on me ONCE, and it drove me crazy because it’s so hurtful when it’s your own mother who’s treating you like that. I’m afraid you’re going to have to be the bigger person. Don’t give in to her silent treatment, and try not to let her get you upset. You might want to just concentrate on calmly reasoning with her, reminding her of how you’ve already accomodated her A-list guests, and maybe tell her how her behavior hurts your feelings. It would definitely hurt mine. I hope things get better, hon. Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think the term “bridezilla” was made up after parents drove their kids nuts. Some of my married friends had great experiences with their families. Others (like me) wish our families lived literally on another planet. Their head-space is there anyway. Good luck hun!

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