(Closed) My mother is driving me nuts!!!!!!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i would stop giving her details.

Post # 4
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

OMG you are ruining HER wedding experience?????? Besides the fact that it is YOUR wedding…what about her ruining your wedding experience????

Post # 5
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

is she paying for the wedding?  if she holds the purse strings its more difficult… but you have to tell her in a calm mature adult way (that i tend to suck at!) that while you appreciate her opinions.. this is YOURS and YOUR FIANCEs weddings… and she doesnt have to like the music choices.. .but you do… explain exactly the direction you want your wedding to go in, and then tell her that if she chooses to put down whatever it is that day that she should offer another suggetion that is keeping in line with your vision for your wedding… I had to do this with my mother too… we finally hashed it all out.. and i told her that sometimes I just dont want her opinion!

Post # 6
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Welcome to the club 🙂

My mom just gave me a 20 minute tutorial about our menu wording because she believes that people have an aversion to the word “sauce”.

I could go on and on and on.

My advice: Master the “smile and nod”. Then do whatever the heck you want to do. By the time the night rolls around, it’ll be too late for her to change anything.

Post # 8
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh dear.  I can’t agree more with @CanAmBride about mastering the smile and nod.  There are certain things I’m just not allowing my mom to be privy to because i know how she’s going to react. 

Here’s a for instance…we just received the floor plan for our venue.  We are having many different sized tables and we wanted to eliminate 2 of the 8 large mamma 62 inch rounds so we could use smaller tables.  I allowed myself, like a complete boob, to tell her this while we were at Michael’s this past Saturday and she immediately challenged me on it.  I just looked at her, told her enough and walked away.

So we are still changing it up and not telling her.  Some things they just don’t need to know.

Post # 9
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow, you’re paying for the wedding and she still things she should have a say in everything? I’m guessing a firm “this isn’t up for discussion” isn’t an option with her?

I agree with the smile and nod technique. Let her know that sure…you’ll change the stupid salad for her. Then make sure it’s what you want and she’ll never know the difference at the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

wow! It seems like she’s really manipulating her way into getting what she wants. I wouldn’t tell her too much about the wedding anymore, tell her you want some things to be a “surprise”? Its so weird that she thinks she has the right to veto anything when she isn’t paying for it. I am letting my mother get her way with some stuff, but she’s always been accomodating for what I really want.

Also, don’t use the words “my wedding” its “our wedding” as in you and Fiance. Explain that you love that she wants this day to be beautiful for you, but the choices you are making are because this wedding represents you and your Fiance, and should reflect both of your tastes. Tell them of course they aren’t guests, but this is something you want to do FOR THEM. Your mother doesn’t get a say because she’s not the one getting married. Did her mother do the same thing to her maybe? Ask her why some of these things really matter to her, is a salad really that big of a deal (for example)? Will it reflect poorly on you if you have Cesar instead of spring greens with vinegarette? lol, I doubt it!

Post # 11
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My mom are on a –Strictly Email Only– plan. No phone conversations, no in-person meetings. We had one too many blow-ups already and we both finally said it had to stop. Shockingly, the plan is working! It’s been 2 weeks pretty stress free and we both feel good about the direction things are going! (Before, I was in tears about every other day….whew, I’m glad I get a break from that drama for a while!)

It’s a thought….

Post # 12
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@stephinPA: we have a “need to know” policy with our parents. they only get information that they absolutely need to know and we will put off telling them things until we can’t wait any longer. this mostly applies with FI’s family as my parents are paying for the wedding, but it kind of works all around. on the actual wedding day, they’ll just be happy and excited and hopefully won’t notice details. we tried to be more open with our plans at the beginning and everyone was mad at us about something. so now they get to know nothing.

Post # 13
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@ForeverYoung:

Dude! If you’re paying, you have the power! I agree with CanAmBride – smile and nod! – and with Ms. Meowerson – what she don’t know, she can’t disagree with. Even if she asks for details, you can always be vague or fib a bit and say you haven’t decided yet.

Post # 14
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@pb and J – excellent plan! Laughing

Post # 15
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@staceynrick I tried to do the same thing with the “email only” technique. I figured it would give us a good way to get all of our opinions out without the emotion.

My mom would end up sending me emails saying “call me to discuss this”. SOOO frustrating!!

Post # 16
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Whoa, I don’t even know if I would invite my momma if she acted like that. Shape up or ship out, eh? I don’t know if I will invite my mother anyway, for other reasons..way too long of story there. I don’t even think she cares about me gettin married..says I am lucky but when he said he was the lucky one, big disgusted smerk from good ol’ mom. Just a taste, a very tiny taste of a very long story. Ugh.

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