(Closed) My mother is hurt that I don't want to do the Dollar Dance…

posted 6 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: How should I handle my mother's request for the dollar dance?
    Just keep it the way it is! It's tradition! : (13 votes)
    17 %
    Adjust it, but keep certain parts. (suggestion below) : (31 votes)
    40 %
    Just tell Momma NOPE : (33 votes)
    43 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    44 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @LadyWhiskey:  Yeap 🙂 It should be really fun and exciting reading all your marriage advice, if you decide to do it this way, you should totally share with us!

    Post # 18
    Member
    2454 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    @vorpalette:  +1 This.  Just explain it’s family tradition.  If people really judge you for that…  Then quite honestly, I’d judge them back, because I would think they believe your family traditions are horrible, and, by extension, your family.

    Ahem.  Sorry.  I just get very heated, because I’m tired of having something that’s very much a common tradition here get ragged on because it’s something others aren’t used to and don’t understand.

    Oh, and you can totally still do the marriage advice pieces of paper.  If someone still wants to participate but doesn’t want to give a dollar, the advice would let them do that.

    Post # 19
    Member
    718 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Yeah dollar dances are huge around here, but not really where my Fiance is from.  I’m torn between doing it (because it’s tradition) or not (because no one from that side will understand).  I understand your dilemma.  Modifications sounds like a great way to keep everyone happy.

    Post # 20
    Member
    27 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I LOVE your idea for the marriage advice instead. Maybe as a compromise have your DJ or Maid/Matron of Honor explain the custom beforehand and let your guests choose if they want to give money or just write a note/advice. That way your mom’s family could give money if they want, and your FI’s family could write notes if they aren’t comfortable with the tradition but still want to participate.

    I’m originally from Pennsylvania and there’s been a dollar dance/babushka dance at every wedding I’ve ever gone to. My mom is set on us having one — she thinks it’s fun and “everyone does it”. I brought it up to Fiance (who is from New Jersey) and he was practically frothing about how it was horrible and tacky and we absolutely were not doing it because it was anti-feminist, etc. I kind of want it, but I also agree that my Future In-Laws are going to think the same thing you were saying –“they will be like, “How nice of them to be asking for money FLAT OUT at this wedding. /sarcasm””.

    Post # 21
    Member
    278 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @LadyWhiskey:  I really like your idea for advice but another idea is if you do, do a dollar dance why not have you DJ annouce that all the dollar will go to some charity that you/FI are for?

    Post # 21
    Member
    2968 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Where I’m from, I’ve never heard of dollar dances. I can see where the ‘tacky’ thinking comes into play. 

    But here I’m from we also host ‘socials’ a few months before the wedding which is essentially a wedding fundraiser dance (dj, silent auction, 50/50, ‘perfume’ raffle, drink tickets) 

    For dancing with the bride at the wedding we just play ‘I knew the bride (when she used to rock and roll)’ and everyone gathers in a circle and spins her around. 

    I think your idea with the advice is super cute, and I say do it. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    112 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2015 - Bethesda Academy Whitefield Chapel & Brockington Hall

    I love your idea is having people write and pin marriage advice instead of dollar bills!!! I think that is super cute. My other advice would be instead of doing it at the reception could you do it at a bridal shower? It might be a little more intimate In that type of situation, and easier to explain to anyone who isn’t accustomed to it. Or, if you want to keep the original dollar dance, could you put an explanation on your wedding website so everyone is aware?? Or have your DJ make an announcement/reads little blurb about the history and tradition of the dollar dance and say that it is your mothers apron, to show respect to your family, the tradition and make everyone at the wedding feel involved???

    good luck!!! 

    Post # 23
    Member
    1377 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Most everyone where I’m from (WI) does a dollar dance. My paternal grandparents and parents were surprised when we said that we weren’t doing it. We feel it’s just a wee bit tacky, and I have some horribly creepy older relatives that I don’t want to dance with whilst they try to give me a bill. Oif. 

     

    Personally, I’ve always thought them tacky. You just had everyone most likely pay a decent sum to get to your wedding, and probably find housing for at least a night, and now you’re flat out asking for money? I thought it a little grabby. According to the older members of my family, it’s a tradition though so it makes it ‘not tacky’. Whatevs – to each their own! We also aren’t really having that much dancing – just a first dance, def a dance with my dad (I would be very upset if this tradition didn’t happen!), and then just misc music that people can dance to if they want. It’s an open outdoor area, so we might set out some lawn games for people instead. 

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