(Closed) My Mother is Mad at Me Because I’m ‘Ungrateful’ – What to do

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Talk to your Fiance, you need a good does of sane right now. My mom was being the same only opposite. She didn’t want to help at all then complained about what I picked and called me controlling. I was trying to please HER, I felt like I was planning a wedding for her that I hated. It’s a lose lose, if she takes over and plans it all you’re ungrateful… if you plan it you’re controlling. Just breath. It’s almost over. Talk with Fiance about the things you both are excited for, saying vows, being married etc. Put the focus on him in your heart and mind, and the flowers and table linens won’t seem like such a big deal.

Post # 4
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m feeling like my mom and I might end up in this same situation as she tries to kind of bull doze my plans by suggesting that she doesn’t like things and then telling me what she does like. Case in point.. my dress. She straight up told me that she thinks I should have bought a different one.

I don’t have a ton of advice and what I do have isn’t pretty. If you’ve given her the go-ahead to take care of these things and she’s paying for it than… you just have to suck it up. When she tells you about things that she’s done you just have to listen, say thank you, and if it’s something that you hate than just try to refocus your energy on what is really important about the day… you’re marry the love of your life!

Post # 6
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@d-girl:  What does she say to you other than you are ungrateful when you talk to her about it.

Yeah…it’s sticky… if she’s just randomly buying things that’s not something that you should fawn over her for, especially if you already have what you need.

Post # 7
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@d-girl:  This sounds like the story of my life.  All you can really do is talk to her and explain you really appreciate her efforts but you have a different vision.  Explain your vision to her, don’t just say you don’t care about details.  Because to her, it’s coming off as you don’t care so she’s trying really hard and getting no appreciation.  You might have to tell her she is being selfish by acting like she is not having a good time at your showers, etc.  As hard as it might be, try having a conversation with her as you would a friend with the respectful tone we don’t usually use with our parents.  That really works for me.  Sometimes I also have to calmly say her attitude is not nice.

At the heart of the issue is probably that she feels like she’s not getting to help and she wants to.  Try to find something she can do.

Post # 8
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

Even tho you said you’ve talked to her about it, it sounds like you have to have a serious sitdown again and tell her how unhappy you are about what she’s doing and how it’s making you feel. I really can’t imagine she wants you to be miserable about your own wedding, but I suppose she could be. Is she paying for the wedding? If she is and is annoyed about the whole Future Mother-In-Law thing, it sounds like her anger is misdirected.

Post # 12
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

She might, so be prepared! Hopefully she’ll see what she’s doing and apologize for making you sad. Good luck.

Post # 13
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@d-girl:  I think maybe if you start by saying, I really appreciate what you’re doing and I know I didn’t explain my vision for my wedding well but our ideas are not lining up.  I know you’re working hard to help me and I appreciate that but I really had my heart set on….blah blah.  Try to frame it as a misunderstanding and she might receive it better.

Post # 14
Member
46375 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why not just refuse to take on this problem? This is her problem not yours. Why allow her negativity to bring you down or cause you stress?

You can’t control what she says or does, but you are completely in control of your response.

When she starts complaining, just let it go right over your head.

Post # 15
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Either ignore it, or confront her and tell her you have been hearing that she is talking about this to others, and can you please sit down together and go through what she bought and decide what to keep.

Why do moms get so crazy about weddings?

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