(Closed) My mother is ruining my wedding experience…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Stop involving her.

Post # 4
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014


I would do as PP said, and stop telling her details. I understand that you might want her involved, but is it worth the hassle?

I can sort of relate, not that my mother was a copy-cat, but that she put down every idea I had about the wedding. She wanted me to have a backyard bbq wedding with KFC catering – because it was “good enough for her”, so it should be good enough for me.

Everytime I mentioned anything.. about the dress I wanted, about the invites I wanted.. she would put it down. I wasn’t supposed to have any of those things.. almost like I didn’t deserve them.

I eventually just stopped telling her, and guess that.. stress is GONE!

Post # 5
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Wow, that is some annoying crap there. I have to say though, that there is no way in hell I would be inviting her dress shopping with me if she’s like that. 

Have you had any conversations with her about this behavior? I’d really take a step (or a giant giant huge bunch of steps) back from her, especially heading up to the wedding. Tell her you’re sick of arguing all the time and that until the wedding you have to focus on that. Afterwards, have a talk and let her know you need to take a break from each other. 

I don’t know. She sounds a bit impossible. Good luck!

Post # 6
3465 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would just stop telling her things and keep her as un involved as possible.

Post # 7
46677 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Accept the fact that you can not nor will you ever change your Mom. The only thing you can change is yourself.

If you include her, you need to decide that you are not going to let her push your buttons. You only get in a screaming match if you choose to particpate. Decide not to.

“Mom, I love you dearly. I have decided that I am no longer going to let the wedding be a source of conflict between you and I.  You have raised me to be a competent adult and I have things under control. I appreciate the help you have been so far, but I am going to have to move ahead on the last few details on my own. I know that you want me to enjoy my day and I think this will help.  I am going to be very busy in the next month with wrapping up the wedding planning, making time for Fiance and the dogs and still working full time. I will not be available very often for the next four weeks, but it doesn’t mean I love you any less. Than you for understanding that this is my day to plan.”

Post # 8
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

At this point, it seems best for the two of you to do all of your wedding planning solo. She’s just going to cause undeeded stress, and you can’t change her behavior.

Post # 10
46677 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@rcac1208:  I hear you, but it’s only the last few weeks. I assume most of the major decisions are already made. Maybe if you let her know how much her behavior is affecting you, she may be able to modify her behavior if the alternative is less attractive .

Post # 12
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@rcac1208:  I don’t even know what to tell ya– I have a mom that is similar- she has to have control over EVERYTHING.  and she’s an event planner, so she has this idea that her way is always the RIGHT way.

but it’s not easy to just not involve her in planning.  she’ll just be pissed at me, and then ruin my wedding (i won’t go into detail, but my sister is already married- I’ll leave it at that)-

the hardest part for me is:  my mom is like a go-to person for me- I talk to her often.  We’re totally cool- as long as we don’t disagree- then it gets ugly.

we’ve had two really unproductive conversations- both wedding related- today. they were gross, to be honest.

 my wedding is in 2 weeks, so we’re almost over the hump.  I have done everything on my own- but she figures out a way to have an opinion on everything, even when i don’t want her opinion.  she even made the statement “I already let you pick our your dress, let me have some fun”  ummmmmm  WTF

Post # 13
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

your options seem to be either to keep involving her/telling her details and just deal with the way she is, to try to talk to her about it, or to stop involving her.

Post # 15
6529 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@rcac1208:  Im sorry you have to deal with someone like that…especially the fact that this someone is your mother. If its any consulation, my mother is like this too and selfish.

nnow as PP stated, dont tell her anythibg. As much as it probably hurts that your own mother is being this way and you want her to be excited for you, you cant. She is the person that she is and is not going to change. Keep your distance. Send her an invited and that is all. If you need help with something, as anyone else but her. She is just going to bring you down. 

This should be a very happy time foryou and enjoy whats left of it please for your own sake.

after years of therapy bc of my issues with my mom, take it from me. Dont let her bring you down and not just her, anyone. Again im sorry you have to deal with this bullshit

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