(Closed) my mother keeps making disparaging remarks

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your ideas sound awesome! Wedding planning is stressful. For a long time, I thought my relationship with my mother would never be the same, haha. Go forward with your planning and don’t worry about what she has to say!

Post # 4
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

That sounds… very stressful. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

When we first got engaged, I was telling my mom about some ideas that I had, and she had a similar reaction. As it turns out, my mom hasn’t BEEN to a wedding since the 1980s. Most of my cousins are younger, and the older ones didn’t have weddings when they got married. So a lot of the things that I’ve seen on Pinterest/seen at weddings recently my mom thought were really bizarre. Mermaid dresses for example, lol.

One thing that helped a LOT was buying her some contemporary wedding magazines (think Martha Stewart) and also showing her some wedding sites like Style Me Pretty and Grey Likes Weddings and some others. Once she started to see what contemporary weddings looked like, she became a whole lot more accepting of my “crazy” ideas.

Also, when she would be uber-critical, I would just be like, “Oh, I’m sorry, is that what weddings were like thirty-five years ago, mom?” But I’m kinda a bitch like that, lol.

Anyway, all that to say, I totally know where you’re coming from, and it was very hurtful. There was a period of time when I just didn’t even want to TALK about the wedding with my mom.

Also, have stuff done/decided has helped too, because it’s too late for her to say much at this point, haha!

Post # 6
46681 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999


Are you the first to get married in her family or circle of friends? If she has not attended any weddings recently, she is likely making all her judgements based on the era of her own wedding. Weddings were very generic then, basically cookie-cutter.

Stop sharing the details with her if you don’t want or can’t ignore the negative feedback.

You aren’t going to change your Mom or your relationship just because you are getting married.

Post # 7
4940 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@TrousseauHorse:   Your wedding sounds awesome!! Don’t let your mom steal your joy!!  I know how hard that is – my mom wants me to get the invitations at Office Depot, and wants me *not* to have centerpiece flowers.   I’m leaving her out of my planning as much as possible – luckily my mom has little interest in the plans.  

Post # 8
2052 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@TrousseauHorse:  She’s coming from a place of controlling you with her opinion and pulling your strings every time you ask what she thinks. You’re still her daughter but you’re not a little girl anymore. Time to take that step that a wedding offers and be the woman you are meant to be! So, do yourself a favor, and don’t ask anymore and be free of the negativity.

Post # 9
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@TrousseauHorse:  Why are you even asking HER “what else she would like”?! Is it her wedding day? Sorry to be blunt. I just get frustrated with so many poor brides on here with similar issues.

I get that she’s your mum, and maybe it’s just a daughter thing where we want our choices to be approved or at least acknowledged by our mothers, but if and when we get shot down it really hurts (it’s been happening to me, too).

The best advice is to just stick to your guns and go with what you and your fiance want. The day belongs to you both and anyone who wants to complain about it should get stuffed.

Post # 11
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@TrousseauHorse:  I think it may be safe to just leave Mom out of wedding planning. Don’t send her anymore links and answer everything with “We are doing what Fiance and I want for our day”.

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