(Closed) My mother treats me like a child.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Bubu82:  The best thing I ever did for myself in dealing with my seriously dysfunctional parent was to read Toxic Parents by Susan Forward, Ph.D.  It changed my life and gave me strategies for dealing with my mom.  It’s like 12 bucks on Amazon, and usually in most B & Ns.

Post # 4
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m coming into this a bit late, but since there aren’t many comments—may I ask, is your mom paying for any part of the wedding? Mine bossed me to the moon and back about who my officiant should be, to the point where we had the BIGGEST blow up arguement and she kicked me out of the house only to boss me into staying after I put my bag in the car….

*grin* Mom was paying for the ENTIRE wedding. Mom 1, Bride 0.

Moms get emotional. Immature, stupid, outlandish, weepy, and crazy may or may not also apply. Try to keep your cool with her. She sounds a bit intense tho….maybe enlist the help of a friend or an aunt or any trusted person to be your go-to. Keep her involved so she doesn’t blow a gasket, but is it possible to keep her a little less in the know?…

I know missvern already recommended a book, but I have one that I can recommend that you get for your momma- it’s called “It’s Her Wedding but I’ll Cry if I Want To”. It’s a very sweet yet eye-opening book written for the MOB. Kept mine in check a little after the officiant fight!

 

 

Post # 5
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I feel like wedding planning brings out a common power struggle between moms and daughters, and with unhealthy relationships it can get ridiculous.

But my thinking is that you’re her baby. She’s used to helping you and guiding you. This is a huge day for you so she thinks you need her help, she’s also thinking “oh my goodness my baby is becoming a wife” and a little bit of ‘letting go’ needs to occur on her part. I think this makes bossy mom’s hold on tighter for a while and then they let go and let you do your thing. If this doesn’t happen naturally I would sit down and talk with her and let her know you can handle it and you need her help with specific things and maybe give her a list?

Post # 6
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Let’s face it. Most women, when they first get engaged, haven’t got the first clue about how to plan a large event ,let alone a wedding. Most Moms see it as a chance to guide and help pull off a wonderful affair for their children, not as something they want to see being a disorganized mess. They may have just as little experience, but have almost certainly been to more weddings than their children have, so why not just talk about things and see where it goes? I think the disconnect often comes when the daughters are older and already have some ideas in mind. Not necessarily great ideas, but have some they may not think all the way through. Why does it have to turn into a war? It sounds like some good listening and sharing skills are needed, by both.

Maybe step back, try and have a very clear picture of how you want your day to be and just try and have a real conversation about it, trying to understand each other’s point of view. If she’s normally a reasonable person (albeit bossy), she should be able to approach it and you with an open mind and heart. Isn’t it easier to be happy than miserable about everything? Hope you can work things out!

I just realized your wedding is in two weeks?! The worst of it should be over by now, so I hope everything goes off as planned and you really enjoy your wedding day!

Post # 8
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Im deffinately going to be reading this and keeping up with you!!! GOOD LUCK!!!  I am almost in the same boat. Bi polar mother who I have had issues with FOREVER, and now.. planning a wedding. SUCKS!!! I knew it would be stressul but this is absurd! If I wouldnt loose so much money i would elope, no problem. I hope your able to ignore your mom and make her calm down!!!

Best of wishes to you and your FH!!!

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