My mother wants me to postpone our wedding

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

That makes no sense. I understand grieving but she’ll have had more than enough time by then. Maybe your mom is in a really bad place and needs to seek help. 

Post # 3
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Don’t postpone. Your feelings are important too. They can’t expect your life to stop. 

Post # 4
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

She’s being ridiculous. Even in Victorian times that would be a suitable mourning period for a grand daughter to get married. I have a cousin whose father died and she get engaged less than a year after he died and will be getting married in October. 

Your mom has a right to be sad still, but she’s being selfish, especially since you’ve booked things. I’d go ahead with it; maybe it’ll end up being something she looks forward to and you could incorporate your grandma to honor her somehow in you’re wedding. 

Post # 5
7775 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yeah, that is way bizarre. Grief is complicated, but it is not normal to be in such deep mourning 18 months later to the degree that she can’t even have any happiness for her own daughter. Mom needs therapy!

Post # 6
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Your mom needs grief counseling, not you to postpone your wedding. Your parents are being VERY unreasonable and they are the selfish ones here. Deaths happen, and they are painful, but it does not mean the rest of life – including celebrations – stop. Especially not for 1 1/2 years, and you ESPECIALLY don’t demand others stop their lives for your own grief.

Post # 7
2699 posts
Sugar bee

Your wedding is in AUGUST. Many things can happen between now and then. A whole BABY can be grown between now and August. Yet, they already know 8 months in advance how your mother will feel then??

Post # 8
4830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Danielle Devereux :  Go right ahead and have your wedding, and keep smiling inside and out.   If you give in to her emotional blackmail, who knows what she might pull next.  If your mom is truly grieving to the point that she wants everyone else to stop living their lives, then she needs counselling.  Best wishes to all.  

Post # 9
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Her grief sounds pretty extreme and prolonged on the lines of being unhealthy. Your timing for your wedding sounds very reasonable. I hope she gets some help. You might compromise by finding a way to honor your grandmother’s life at the wedding. 

Post # 11
47188 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is absurd. Nothing  is going to change in your mother’s life except her daughter will now be legally married to the man with whom she has been for 13 years and with whom she has 3 children.

I don’t know many grandmothers who wouldn’t be thrilled to see a wedding scheduled.

Post # 12
127 posts
Blushing bee

This isn’t okay. They are being selfish and manipulative. Grief is tough, but there’s a big difference between a wedding taking place a few weeks/months after a loss and a wedding taking place well over a year after a loss. 

Post # 13
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Your mom needs help and counselling to deal with her grief. This reaction is not normal. If you are able to help support her in that, that would be a really compassionate thing to do as her daughter. 

But as far as changing the wedding date, your mom can go pound sand. 

Post # 15
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Everyone grieves differently. My mothers father passed away 17 years ago and she still avoids talking about him and has boxes of his stuff she cant bring herself to go through. That being said, life goes forward and she will learn that your wedding is only one of many life events she will need to support even if she is grieving. If you were pregnant would she ask you to abort the baby because she isnt in a good place for a new grandchild??

She is the one being selfish, and the fact that others are making you feel bad is pretty despicable.

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