Post # 1
Hi all just looking to vent really I’m so down right now, me and my fiance have been together since we were 15 so 13 years now as have 3 children together. We set out wedding date last year for August 2017 and hAve most things books and marraige licence approved. So anyway to cut a long story short my grandmother passed away last March. Which was hard on everyone and my mother rang me the other day followed by my father today asking or basically telling me to postpone the wedding until 2018 (they are not paying for wedding) apparently my mother is too upset still from my grandmothers death and it’s not fair and selfish of me to continue with the wedding (I’ve had it booked for a year) as she is not looking forward to anything at the moment and can’t bring herself to have a happy day when it won’t be in her opinion and I explained that why do this to me now I said a weddig is a happy time and I’ve waited so long and have it planned and organised that can she not for one day be happy for me at least and the answer was no tat she is grieving and I need to stop being selfish and listen to them. It just seems crazy that she can’t be happy for me of course u know she’s grieving but as her daughter she should still just at least try. I just don’t get it. I’m hurt and upset because it will be a year and 7 months by the time of my wedding since her passing I don’t see how us postponing the wedding is going to change get things plus we all know how much this can change in a year god knows. So we ended on the note that I said I am not postponing it’s a stage in my life that means a lot to me/us. And my dad said whatever I do just postpone it or they won’t give their full support as it’s not fair on my mother and her emotional well being at the moment. I’m extremely disappointed. I don’t understand it
Post # 2
That makes no sense. I understand grieving but she’ll have had more than enough time by then. Maybe your mom is in a really bad place and needs to seek help.
Post # 3
Don’t postpone. Your feelings are important too. They can’t expect your life to stop.
Post # 4
She’s being ridiculous. Even in Victorian times that would be a suitable mourning period for a grand daughter to get married. I have a cousin whose father died and she get engaged less than a year after he died and will be getting married in October.
Your mom has a right to be sad still, but she’s being selfish, especially since you’ve booked things. I’d go ahead with it; maybe it’ll end up being something she looks forward to and you could incorporate your grandma to honor her somehow in you’re wedding.
Post # 5
Yeah, that is way bizarre. Grief is complicated, but it is not normal to be in such deep mourning 18 months later to the degree that she can’t even have any happiness for her own daughter. Mom needs therapy!
Post # 6
Your mom needs grief counseling, not you to postpone your wedding. Your parents are being VERY unreasonable and they are the selfish ones here. Deaths happen, and they are painful, but it does not mean the rest of life – including celebrations – stop. Especially not for 1 1/2 years, and you ESPECIALLY don’t demand others stop their lives for your own grief.
Post # 7
Your wedding is in AUGUST. Many things can happen between now and then. A whole BABY can be grown between now and August. Yet, they already know 8 months in advance how your mother will feel then??
Post # 8
Danielle Devereux : Go right ahead and have your wedding, and keep smiling inside and out. If you give in to her emotional blackmail, who knows what she might pull next. If your mom is truly grieving to the point that she wants everyone else to stop living their lives, then she needs counselling. Best wishes to all.
Post # 9
Her grief sounds pretty extreme and prolonged on the lines of being unhealthy. Your timing for your wedding sounds very reasonable. I hope she gets some help. You might compromise by finding a way to honor your grandmother’s life at the wedding.
Post # 10
I no it is crazy the more I think about it the harder it is to understand!of course she is missing her mother I totally understand that but I don’t get how my wedding has anything to do with it to theveryone extent of me postponing . The way I see it now is there really after getting me down trying to make me feel bad and asking do I not have compassion? I was like what??? Of course I do ! Then to go say you need to or we will not give our full support. . Em.. OK. .thanks a lot like. The one day in 13 years me and my partner and my kids finally get to all have the same name and after all it is just one day she just has to sit there ya no. Oh I don’t know I’m really hurt especially how they are trying to justify it and turning it on me then. My partners going crazy he said he’s never known anything like it it’s different if a death had just occurred etc
Post # 11
This is absurd. Nothing is going to change in your mother’s life except her daughter will now be legally married to the man with whom she has been for 13 years and with whom she has 3 children.
I don’t know many grandmothers who wouldn’t be thrilled to see a wedding scheduled.
Post # 12
This isn’t okay. They are being selfish and manipulative. Grief is tough, but there’s a big difference between a wedding taking place a few weeks/months after a loss and a wedding taking place well over a year after a loss.
Post # 13
Your mom needs help and counselling to deal with her grief. This reaction is not normal. If you are able to help support her in that, that would be a really compassionate thing to do as her daughter.
But as far as changing the wedding date, your mom can go pound sand.
Post # 14
Your all right. I think she really needs help and I am going to ask her to go and see someone, as for the wedding we are going to continue with what we set out to do and if they don’t see how it should be a happy day for us as a family then I don’t know what more I can do, she is my mother is love her always will but what she is requesting is just surreal to me and as selfish as I may seem to her we deserve to be married after all and for our children also.
Post # 15
Everyone grieves differently. My mothers father passed away 17 years ago and she still avoids talking about him and has boxes of his stuff she cant bring herself to go through. That being said, life goes forward and she will learn that your wedding is only one of many life events she will need to support even if she is grieving. If you were pregnant would she ask you to abort the baby because she isnt in a good place for a new grandchild??
She is the one being selfish, and the fact that others are making you feel bad is pretty despicable.