Post # 1
My mother made me cry again today. I just want a small and simple ceremony and wedding with 10-15 guests at the most.
A nice dinner…and that’s all. I might as well tell my mother I have a terminal disease because she is devastated. His parents and my dad (they are divorced) are on board for whatever we want to do.
I still live at home and I have no idea how to get through to her. I can’t even have the small ceremony that I want because I know she will piss and moan and ruin the most important day of my life because I don’t want to wear white and have a party for 200 people.
I need help. I need advice.
Post # 3
Most important question:
Who is footing the bill?
Don’t let her steamroll you.
Post # 4
“Don’t let her steamroll you.” -this
I know it sucks and I know that as children most of us really want our parents approval on everything we do, but this day is yours and your fiance. Do what you want to do.
Post # 5
To try to help you talk with your mom, it may be helpful for us to to understand better how you are feeling and why. Are your parents planning to pay for your wedding? If so, what is it about having a lot of family and friends in attendance that most bothers you? Why would you prefer to just have 10-15 people? Also, what color would you like to wear?
Post # 6
How recently did you tell her of your plan? I think she just needs to have some time to get over it. Do you have an aunt or grandma or someone who could call and gush to your mom about how lovely your small ceremony sounds?
Post # 7
I can 100% relate to this!! Im 25 and still terrified of my mother. Fiance and I recently moved out into an apt. I am footing the bill for my wedding, with the help of a little from my grandpa. I have ALWAYS wanted a small wedding. intimate. But my mother and grandpa think it should be this big to do with every single family member.
I have been under an absurd amount of stress … and i will spare you and my typing hands from my entire back story… BUT
I recently went from planning a 200 person wedding to a 75 person wedding that im happy with. I told my family and they were kinda pissed at me. But i said ya know what…. its how it is. and its what I WANT. My gpa actually made me feel like shit, but ya know what…. on the day of, im sure he will see how happy and NOT STRESSED i am and be happy for me also.
I have turned into a put my foot down woman now, and im THIS close to telling everyone to “F” themselves and Fiance and I will run away.
MORAL — do what makes YOU and Fiance happy, and come that day, they will see. And other than that…. try try try, to just make the both of you happy. Everyone else will come around, and if they dont.. then they dont.
Post # 8
My mom is a force to be reckoned with. I’m 75% done with my planning and I haven’t told her a thing about it yet…for this exact reason.
My plan (and suggestion to you) is to compromise and give her control over some aspects of the day. If small and intimate is your first priority, then wear a white dress for her. If no-white dress is a top priority, then let her pick the dinner venue. Etc.
On the day of your wedding, just focus on what you are there for and ignore everything else. Only you can let her ruin the day.
Post # 9
Are you their only daughter? Are they paying for the wedding?
If you’re the only daughter, I can understand your mom’s disappointment that you don’t want a big wedding. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that mom’s dream about their daughter’s wedding as well. That said, I don’t agree with her being so difficult…and I also think you should do what you want to do. Just trying to shed some possible light on her behavior.
If they’re paying for the wedding…maybe you could find a compromise. Maybe you could get married the way you want, followed by a small dinner with very close friends/family and let your parents throw a big reception a month or so afterwards?
Is that too much fuss? Just trying to figure out a way to make everyone happy.
Post # 10
I am footing the bill!!! Trust me – if she wanted to pay 25k for a day then I would let her plan away and show up!
Thank you so much for all your advice and help. I am the only daughter and did not plan on wearing white but that may be a compromise I will have to make
Although I am plus size so white wont be as flattering as black!!!
Post # 11
@Babas1313: Would you feel more comfortable in another color other than white that isn’t black? I’ve seen some gorgeous champagne colored gowns that are stunning. Perhaps something like that could be a compromise? Just a thought.
Post # 12
I like champagne!!! I have dark hair and eyes so that would be nice!!!
Post # 14
@Babas1313: You can also check out blush dresses…they’re super popular right now so there will be lots of them
Post # 15
@Babas1313: Maybe it’ll take both you and your Fiance to talk with her. This way she realizes that from now on if there is an issue that concerns both of you, then both of you will be a presence she’ll have to consider. Maybe you can assign someone to be a buffer between you and your mom on the wedding day should she start her antics. This person will always be near her ad escort her to get a drink or engage her in conversation to keep any bothersome comments to a minimum.