(Closed) My Mother wants to wear a black dress

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 61
Member
7760 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

It never occurred to me until seeing this site that people would actively try to control what other adults wore to their weddings. Presumably your mum is an adult and chooses her own clothing. She should not have to check with anyone whether her choices are okay. I can see why she isn’t even looking for a dress if her daughter is criticizing her choices and telling her what not to wear. Parents are not props for an event; they are people who are often as emotional as their children about the event. They ought to be able to wear what they feel most comfortable in.

Post # 63
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Black = beautiful, slimming, and sophisticated. If I were a guest at your wedding I wouldn’t think that your mom disapproved of your marriage! if your mother disapproved of your marriage she would either NOT show up, OR, show up and have a scowl on her face the entire day. Your guests aren’t that stupid.

Post # 64
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee

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carrjc66:  To be fair, the original post and what you’re saying now are two completely different issues. Don’t be unclear then get snippy and defensive when people aren’t responding to your satisfaction. No one is being nasty, just confused and perhaps doing a bit of eye rolling that you’re trying to control a grown woman’s outfit. You’re taking a non issue and turning it into an issue.

Post # 65
Member
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

 

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carrjc66:  My BMs are wearing navy, my Future Mother-In-Law is wearing emerald, and my mom is wearing a black skirt and white top. She also wears mostly black. She will accessorize with pretty pieces and it will make her happy and comfortable. She DOES disapprove of my wedding, but this has been in the open since I got engaged. Trust me- if your mom disapparoves, people already know. If you’re worried she does, then she does not- you’d already know. No guests will assume this, especially when she is happy and smiling. 

As for clashing, she isn’t going to be standing up with the BMs, and you will likely not even have photos with you, her, and BMs. In a large group photo, she will blend in with all of the other family members. 

I guarantee you have plenty of other things to stress over this close to the wedding. Pick your battles for the stress, this isn’t worth it.

Post # 66
Member
498 posts
Helper bee

hey, it’s not white, so I say let her have at! In the grand scheme of things, and out of aaaaaaal of the things that mothers could do to emotionally mess you up and ninja your brain, wearing a black dress is nothing. Trust me on this :/

Post # 67
Member
13656 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Strictly speaking it’s not correct to say this is outdated etiquette.  Emily Post will say the prohibition on both white and  black is outdated, as long as the former does not look bridal, while  Miss Manners and traditional etiquette resources  continue to say no to both.

Personally, I split the difference and feel comfortable wearing  black to weddings, but not white. 

Post # 68
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
carrjc66:  at my sister’s wedding, the bridesmaids wore black dresses, and my mom wore a black and pewter-coloured dress, and we all looked fabulous!!!!!!!

Anyone who thinks that your mother is unhappy with the wedding because she is wearing black is behind the times. Most guests at your wedding will probably wear black dresses–are they all unhappy too? Or is it a great colour to wear because it pretty much looks good on everyone, allows you to accesorize with any other colour and is a timeless colour that will never go out of style?!

Post # 69
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

I love the color black. I think it’s the most classic color to wear and it looks good on everyone. I don’t think it would clash with your other colors and I understand that its your day but I’m sure you also want your mom to feel beautiful too in a color that she is comfortable wearing! Try putting all of the colors together and if you really hate it so much that you think it will really wear on you then just talk to her. But I think it would be elegant. 

Post # 70
Member
8021 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I WISH my mother would have worn a black dress to my wedding instead of the ugly print she wore!

Post # 71
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

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carrjc66:  Let her wear what she wants, why are you letting it bother you? My mom is wearing a predominantly black dress with a gold pattern and it’s beautiful and she feels beautiful, that is all that matters. Make your mom happy, yes it’s your day but she will be in pictures too let her be comfortable! I would never tell my mom what to wear, if she found a dress she loved, that’s it, she wears it. My mom and I went shopping for her dress, and I made sure it was exactly what she wanted not what I thought she should look like and she looks phenomenal. Hey as long as she’s wearing clothes you have nothing to complain about.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  flowerofeden.
Post # 72
Member
3695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My mother wore a black dress to our wedding.  It was pretty clear that she was happy for us by the huge smile on her face and her telling everyone “I’m so happy!”

Post # 73
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My mom insisted on wearing navy and my bms were black – the wedding colors were black & white with accents of gold/silver.

I did worry that this would all clash but it didn’t, the pictues look great.  Black does not clash with navy blue despite what I learned in my youth. 

I like black dresses for weddings, particularly evening weddings, i find them to be elegant and flattering, also more demure than bold colors.  The argument of “oh black is for funerals” is funny to me.

I have plenty of black dresses, only a few could be worn to a funeral.  So much depends on the cut, style, fabric, and accessories.  The rules are outdated!  Black is back. 🙂

Post # 74
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
carrjc66:  I wouldn’t think that is a no no. Wouldn’t you want your mom to feel beautiful and comfortable? Ask her to accessorize with colorful jewelry and makeup instead. I wouldn’t even think twice if my mom wanted to wear black.

My mom wore a bright watermelon red gown that was tailored and gorgeous, my Mother-In-Law wore a sparkly navy blue gown and my bridesmaids wore purple. I don’t see why they all need to be matching.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  MissJulianna.
Post # 74
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m just going to add that I also don’t see a problem wearing a white dress to a wedding (per se). You don’t wear a dress that looks like a wedding dress (no matter the color) unless you are a bride.

A simple beautiful white cotton sundress to an afternoon or AM wedding makes perfect sense to ME. Due to annoying outdated rules I have never been bold enough to wear white to a wedding, but I have lamented the fact that I can’t several times.  There is no mistaking a cotton sundress for a bridal dress and no reason not to wear a color for such a silly reason.

My brother’s wife wore a very light silver shimmery flapper style dress and a friend’s 16 year old daughter wore a white maxi-style dress to my wedding and I was pretty happy about it. Wear what you like!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  audrey_lane.
Post # 75
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

carrjc66:  I think YOU think people over analyze colors because you over analyze colors.

If I can give one piece of advice that can help you here (and really, in many wedding planning endeavors) — NO one cares about your wedding as much as you do.

Let mom wear whatever she wants.

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