Post # 1
Let me just clarify, I am having a wedding in a small town that does not have a lot in the way of accommodations – mostly Inns and B&Bs. It has been a struggle to find reasonable housing for out of town guests. To complicate things more, most of the Inns require a Friday and Saturday night stay. Since we want to be apart on Friday and together on Saturday, this is an issue. My mom has been great. She has researched several Inns and has done most of the leg work. At first, I suggested that I would go into town early with my best friend. We would stay Thursday and Friday night together. I would get dress wherever my mother would be staying. She came back and said that she thinks we should all stay at the same Inn. She said it would “be fun” for my best friend, her (my Dad passed 7 years ago), my sister and my niece to all be together. While I agree, I really thought in my mind I would have the opportunity to spend time with my best friend. I don’t see her often and she will be travelling across country to be there. To top it off, she suggested that we spend our wedding night at the Inn as well. Saying, “Who cares?”.
As an alternative, I suggested that I could rent a small house in the area. My Boyfriend or Best Friend would spend Thursday and Friday, my fiancé would spend Friday with his friends and on Saturday night they would switch. Boyfriend or Best Friend would go to fiancé’s Inn and we would spend Saturday night at the rented house. Well, I never anticipated what came next. I had obviously hurt her feelings. She said that she wouldn’t stay in town at all. She would travel back to her house (20 minutes away). She said, she wasn’t going to stay at Inn by herself. She didn’t need photos of herself… so weird… I’ve tried to assure her that she wouldn’t be alone. I said that I would come to wherever she was at to get dressed. I think it is really important.
Now, I don’t know what to do. I think my Mom is confusing my wedding with a family vacation. I realize not having my Dad around is probably making her feel sad and alone. Now, she has completely withdrawn. She has had little contact with me. I have made a lot compromises on this wedding. One thing, I feel I cannot compromise is my wedding night! Any advice of suggestions?
Post # 3
I think you need to sit down and have an honest conversation with your Mom. You’re getting married. You want to have time alone with your husband on your wedding night, I’m sure that’s something she had with your Dad on her wedding night. I’d suggest going over for a cup of tea, looking over the options and finding something that suits you all, but don’t compromise on your wedding night! You’re setting boundaries now for your future. If you give in your mom will always think she comes above your husband and your own feelings. Make it clear that you love her and are really excited about everything you get to do leading up to the wedding, but that your wedding night is about you and your husband. You’re absolutely right, it’s not a family vacation.
Post # 4
Well said bakeralla, I completely agree. Good luck hope birde, once you sit and have the heart to heart she will hopefully come around.
Post # 5
I also agree with bakerella. Your mom is just probably feeling sad and overwhelmed by the situation and that is ok! But at the end of your wedding day, it is not her who you should be with, it is your new husband. I think a good talk with her will certainly work this situation out so that everyone is happy! Best of luck to you!
Post # 6
I would definitely say that communication is key here. And if anything, maybe it will make her open up to you, and she can tell you exactly how she is feeling and together you two will find a perfect solution to the problem. Sometimes all a person really needs is a shoulder.
Post # 7
It sounds as though while you were ‘thinking out loud’ about scenarios for lodgings, your mom was already getting excited about the idea of all the ladies staying together – hoping that would be your pick.
While to you, it was still only a possibility, she may have hoped in her own mind this would be your choice. So while you were still thinking about what situation would fit best, she was probably running scenarios through her head of how much fun the first idea would be. Letting it settle in. Getting used to it. Getting excited.
As brides, we’re still making plans. And our moms are 4 steps ahead already finalizing the details on their own.
Her reaction was probably so strong because she was so excited about the first idea and had hoped it was more set in stone than it actually was…
My advice to you would to tread lightly and with compassion with your mom. It must be difficult going through an ultimately exciting time without your dad to share in the joy – both for yourself and for her. Sounds like she was just excited and got carried away.
But the other posters are right – stand your ground on the issue of the wedding night. There’s bound to be a happy medium. Spend time with your mom before and of course your new hubby the next night! Good luck sista!
Post # 8
I think your mother is nuts and you should sit down with her and nicely as possible tell her that it is really important that you need to be with ur husband on your wedding night. Dont forget to tell her how much you love her. lol