Post # 1
I only have one mother. I don’t think she’s normal, not even close. I am done attempting to work on this wedding with her in mind. My fiance and I originally wanted to get married in a small ceremony in Italy. But both families convinced us to do it closer. We decided it was the only way all of our guests could come. My parents offered to pay.
I should have gotten married in Italy.
My mother has since derided every decision I’ve made. Most recently the bridesmaids dresses. I sent her a link showing some these beautiful mismatched bridesmaids dresses that I LOVED. and she responded that if it were her she wouldn’t do it because mismatched dresses are cheap, show no class, and means that we are poor. I had worked so hard to find these dresses. On top of that, I am in school full time and work full time. and i’m so ANGRY. I sent a very mean response, saying I’m glad that I’m glad I’m not her. I know, this sounds childish, but her comment made me, a thirty-year old grown woman, cry in public. And every time she says cruel things, I start doubting myself, and then I get angry, and then I don’t want to consider ANY of her opinions.
I have no idea what to do. but I am beyond frustrated.
Post # 3
- Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA
I’m so sorry to hear this. HUGS!! This seems like something I read about on the boards a lot, moms who are super opionionated and sometimes downright rude. I know your mother’s opionion means a lot to you, especially when planning your wedding, but you just have to remember that it’s not HER wedding. It should be a reflection of you and your fiance, and what the two of you love. Just because she feels strongly about something (for example, the dresses) doesn’t mean the rest of your guests will share the same view. I for one have never thought of mismatched bridesmaids dresses as cheap, or showing you don’t have class. To be honest, people in the older generation can be clueless when it comes to what is popular for weddings these days. Maybe you could compile some inspiration photos from different wedding blogs to show her how beautiful your ideas can look when executed properly. Good luck!! Keep your head up, and don’t lose site of what’s really important here. xoxo
Post # 4
*hugs* its hard when we want to include people in this process, and they have so sympathy for how we feel! just focus on the big picture girl, you’re marrying your best friend and you guys are going to start your own family together. make the most of it, and try to maintain as much control of the wedding as u can!
Post # 5
I’ve said this so many times on here. DON’T TELL HER ANYTHING! You only have to tell her what’s imperative. Only give brief answers and try not let her know to much. It makes everything so much easier. My Mother is amazingly critical. I learned after awhile to just keep my mouth shut. It made it much easier for me. I had the day that I wanted and she thought it was beautiful.
Post # 6
So sorry you’re going through this. I have a similar type of toxic relationship with my dad and sometimes I can’t be on the phone for ten minutes with him or I’m in tears or yelling back at him. Parents don’t always know how to be parents and sometimes don’t realize how hurtful they are. Nothing can sting more than hurtful words from someone who is supposed to be on your side, be close to you, and love you unconditionally. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work that way. I was never a daddy’s girl and always wanted to be. In my case, my mother was an angel and it all balanced out. I now limit my contact with my father to do what is best for myself. I’m an adult and have decided that I want loving and kind people in my life, as much as possible. People should enhance your life or they need to be placed further outside the circle. You may just have to set a boundary with her to save your own sanity. She isn’t going to change, but your way of reacting to her can change. Plus, it will drive her nuts that you no longer let her push your buttons, lol. The best revenge! Just behave as though she never phases you and vent with your friends. Your mom may not be capable of giving you what you need. And it hurts, I know. But it is what it is and it’s your life. If she can’t be kind to you she doesn’t have to be included. And forget trying to get her approval, it’s never going to happen.
Post # 7
I have posted this before but it bears repeating.
Randy from SYTTD was in Vancouver recently and he said that if you are mature enough to get married, you have to be mature enough to have the wedding you want. Unfortunately that often means being assertive with our parents. For some of us, that may be the first time in our life, and that can be difficult.
Post # 8
I am sorry that your mother is being a cow. My husband does not have a relationship with his mother because she is exactly like that.
On the way to the wedding venue from the hotel, she tried convincing him to call off the wedding. Yeah, she’s nuts.
He has come to terms with the fact that he could not have a relationship with his mother, so he doesn’t.
Is your mother always like this, or only lately?
Post # 8
Thanks for the support ladies!!! Julies, I’m gonna remember that. That made me feel immediately better!
Post # 9
I dont know. I think she’s always been like this since I’ve started making decisions that are different than hers. She’s so meant at times. Growing up she always said I would be fat, or that I hsould get a nose job, or whatever. Once I pulled over to the side of the road and made her get out of the car (I am not evil, my dad and bro were right behind me). She thinks she’s being helpful, I think. But she’s not. She’s just being evil. Her mom is the same way. I have told myself that it stops with them. I don’t want to be like this to my daughters. I know she wants teh best for me, but only if it makes her look good, or if it doesn’t interfere with HER decisions.