(Closed) My Mother:/(LONG) (REPOST)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

seriously… if it was me when she says i want to speak to to about something i would flat out say “if its about changing anything about the wedding. colors, theme, dress, food, the phase of the moon then dont bother – its not up for discussion”

sounds like its going to end up in an argument anyways so this way you get in first and speak up for yourself – if she chooses to ignore that then at least you got to stand up for yourself. sorry, sounds like a very sucky situation

edit: oh and if you are saying “thats how my fiance wants it”, change this to “thats how WE want it” – she might be worried you are giving up too many choices for him,  parents get weird during wedding planning i found out

Post # 4
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You’re going to have a very long and stressful few months if this doesn’t get sorted soon.

I think it might be an idea, when you’re calmly chatting with her about other things, to quietly remind her that you and your Fiance have made decisions on a lot of things, you’re both happy with those decisions, have put money/vendors in place for those things, and there isn’t a whole lot of time to make changes. Say that you love her and value her opinions always, but it’s making you feel like she wants to take over when she tries to change your mind so much.

Maybe?! Best of luck anyhow!

Post # 6
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Yea… Mom’s can be tough when it comes to weddings.  My mom and I have had our fair share of disagreements over the wedding too.  My mom is the kind of person who only gets more stubborn when you argue with her, which makes me more stubborn too, and we end up making huge deals over nothing.  I don’t think its possible to change them haha.  

Honestly, if you can, I’d just go with the nod and smile, say something like “that sounds like a great idea, I’ll have to look into that” and then just do your own thing, don’t fight with her and tell her what you really want to do.  Even if your mom is paying, a lot of these things sound like you could take care of them with the vendor alone.  Or maybe give her some project that she can come up with and do for the wedding, to make her feel helpful?  I think with Moms its a combination of them wanting to make sure you have a great wedding (except using what’s great in their mind) and kinda thinking they have a chance to relive all the wedding stuff for themselves.  It usually is coming from a good place though, just remind yourself of that when she’s difficult. 

Post # 7
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’ve started looking at it as…this is really the last time my parents can tell me how to do something or have control over a major life event of mine, so it is expected that they will get a little nuts. I think the emotional side of weddings makes people deflect their feelings about their child getting married in a different way – and instead of telling you how she really feels, whether it is she will miss you when you move out or she can’t believe you are all grown up – she takes it out on the planning and trying to be in total control one last time.

Post # 7
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

ugh double post!!

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