(Closed) my mother's horrible secret

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@deserthoneybee:  How in the world did she have all those kids? I thought it was really difficult to have kids after an abortion. Then again, I don’t know much about it.

Post # 4
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow… I really wouldn’t even know how to process that. *hugs*

Post # 5
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@deserthoneybee:  I found out my mom had an abortion when I was 19 and I told her I always knew I wasnt suppose to be an only child … She too is a huge christian. I guess everyone has a past 0_o 

Post # 6
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

People grow and change. Maybe at the time she was different and didn’t think she should have children, maybe she has so much guilt over the 4 from before that she is now pro life.

 

Everyone makes mistakes, even parents. Most people don’t start out as perfect parents, they make mistakes and learn and grow with the child.

 

I’m sorry you’re hurt by this, I probably would be too but remember she’s human, she’s entitled to mistakes and changes

Post # 7
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t.. understand. What did she do that was so wrong? Have abortions?

Post # 8
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow I am so sorry! I found out some stuff about my mom once and it was very shocking. I hope you can find it in your heart not to judge her…It has to have been very hard on her too. But man, that would be very difficult to process. I’m sorry.

Post # 9
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@deserthoneybee:  I’m sorry you’ve found out things about your mother that don’t aline with how you view her today. Perhaps her stance on abortion today comes from those experience.  But married educated people do have abortions.  I would try not to judge her too harshly for her past.

 

Post # 10
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@deserthoneybee:  Yikes, seriously?

Does she know that you know? Are you positive? Like the letter says she decided not to abort you, but I am guessing it also says about the four abortions?

Obviously I don’t know what was going through her head at the time. The only thing in her (sort of) defence is that maybe she didn’t do the birth control thing because it was against her religion and then she got the abortions alone like without your dad knowing she was so ashamed? I really don’t know! Totally speculating I guess. When I hear of abortion i often think “young and scared” but four is pretty excessive.

Can you talk to her about this? I think we all make some mistakes… maybe not quite like this, but if she was a good mom to you, you should try to at least find out the circumstances and continue to have a relationship with her.

Post # 11
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Chrysoberyl:  I do believe that is a misconception.  If I was on a computer, I’d look up some links, but I’m pretty sure that’s not completely accurate.

Post # 12
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Being educated has nothing to do with abortions.  

Post # 13
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@deserthoneybee:  Yikes, I’m sorry. Do you think she would talk to you if you asked her about it in a non-confrontational way? Perhaps she had a sort of conversion experience that led her to become so staunchly “pro-life”? My only advice is to try to hear her out. You might feel very different afterwards.

Post # 14
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Hyperventilate:  Personally, I don’t think the OPs mother has done anything wrong, from what information we’ve been given.  I think it can just be shocking to find out things like this about your parents, especially when they seem to go against the way you percieve them (I think everyone goes through this at some point though, to varying degrees).

 

@anahappilyeverafter:  +10

Post # 15
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Chrysoberyl:  It is NOT difficult to have children after abortions. I don’t know where you ever heard that. 

I’m sorry you were upset by this news. Just remember we can never know what your mother was going through at those times. She had to make a decision and she made the best decision with what information and support you had available. Just because she was married doesn’t mean she can support children or was ready to. I realize it’s upsetting because you feel as though you could have been one of those future children, and because you envision your mother now in a different light, but remember she is a human, she is a woman, and she is no less now than she was before you learned this. I would not want anyone to judge me especially my future children, if I had had to abort pregnancies in the past. 

Post # 16
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t get how having 4 abortions changes who she is.  I also don’t get how being married and educated takes her out of the running for having abortions.  My mom had 2.  They weren’t ready for kids and they had 2 accidents even though she was on birth control in between kids.  Apparently, once you get pregnant, it’s easier to get pregnant a second time around.  I wouldn’t judge her or make her feel bad for it.  You should really talk to her about it and try to learn from it instead of judging her.

The topic ‘my mother's horrible secret’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors