(Closed) my mother's horrible secret

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 152
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

All I am going to say is that if you say you are pro choice, you are pro choice ALL THE WAY. 

If you believe women should only be able to have “one abortion and learn her lesson”, or “I am pro choice in the case of rape nd incest”, or “I am pro choice only in the early stages of pregnancy”, or “I am pro choice but only under certain conditions” then you, my friend, are NOT pro choice. Believing in choice means believing in the right for a woman to choose no matter what the case. Putting limits on it invites the whole thing to become gradually unlawful as these “limits” are stretched. 

This occurred before you were even a zygote. You also are not aware of the circumstances. For instance, what if she was an abusive relationship? Too many questions here. Make peace with yourself for invading her privacy and move on. 

Post # 153
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

@anahappilyeverafter:  

It’s ridiculous to argue with a solid fact just because one person you know doesn’t fit the statistics.  The lower your education and socioeconomic status, the higher chance you will have an unwanted pregnancy.  That is a fact.  It is the reason why teaching kids sex education is so important.  You can’t keep people ignorant and expect them to know how to prevent a pregnancy.  That’s when you end up with girls thinking the can’t get pregnant if they have sex standing up.

 

It’s so important to not dismiss the role that a proper education has on women’s lives.  Go to a third world country where girls aren’t even allowed to go to school at all and see how many of them are pregnant by 14.  You people are trying so hard to not stigmatize abortion by pretending like having an education doesn’t have any effect on unplanned pregnancies.  It definitely does and it’s extremely offensive to suggest otherwise.  Talk about first world problems here.

Post # 154
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

@BeignetBride:  

So if a women is in the middle of giving birth and decides to decapitate the baby when the head comes out would that be okay?  Everybody has limits on what they consider acceptable.  You’re fooling yourself if you think you don’t.

Post # 155
Member
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Rachel631: I think a lot of PPs are using their own feelings on abortion to cloud the issues. OP needs support and some of you have been pretty unsupportive, to be honest. You need to think about her…

Thank you for this. I have to admit to being appalled at the level of vitriol being aimed at someone who really was just looking for some support as she (and many of us) has come to expect from WB. 

OP, I don’t have a whole lot to add here. I’m sorry that you’re going through such an experience. It’s one thing to have your beliefs shaken by the rest of the world, but when it comes to parents, it has an added punch to it. We like to think of them, moms especially, as steady, unchanging influences. You mentioned that you are working on “you” at the moment, and this is definitely a learning situation for you moving forward. You also say that you had a dysfunctional childhood and are beginning to face that. What a load to have to work with! Again, I think this is a good time to really dig deep and forge a better way ahead. Only you can decide whether it’s a good idea to talk to your mother about this. Try not to come to that decision in anger or in judgement but instead with the view of whether it’s good for your relationship with her.

Please don’t use this knowledge to push further away from your mother but instead as a way to learn to be more accepting of her as she is. You say you don’t want to just upgrade from your family to your FI’s, and part of that is embracing people for who they are – warts and all. Good luck. 

Post # 156
Member
4517 posts
Honey bee

@padme:  That example is a little extreme eh?

Post # 157
Member
6375 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@padme:  +1. “First World Problems”.

View original reply
@PinkMermaid:  I don’t think so. I think that padme is describing the reality for the vast majority of women in the world, but that we are so blinkered by our own first world position that we can’t see it. I’ve lived in the third world for a significant part of my life, and I can tell you that she’s spot on.

…. and now can we stop thread jacking, please, and get back to OP? Gah… you’ve got me at it now. Can we please all just try and support each other?

Post # 158
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@padme:  hi, I think you picked me up wrongly.  I was saying it is ridiculous to correlate intelligence with education.  Maybe it’s my fault for not expressing myself properly.  No worries.   

Post # 160
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

at the end of the day, your mother is an individual, responsible for her own choices. 

Post # 161
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Chrysoberyl:  wow…..umm no there is no reason to believe it is hard to conceive after an abortion

Post # 162
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

the only real problem that I have with this is you mother’s hypocrisy, SHE got the right to make her choice and now she wants to remove that right from others! That’s bull–even if she isn’t happy with her choices, they were hers to make.

 

As far as you being angry with her for having abortions, I don’t think that is really any of your business. You were not living her life and you don’t know her reasons.

Post # 163
Member
1616 posts
Bumble bee

@athame1983:  Um wow please refer to posts 69, 70, 72, 121, 128 and get back to me. Thanks.

Post # 164
Member
1616 posts
Bumble bee

@deserthoneybee:  OP any updates on how you’re feeling? I agree with PPs in that you should leave it alone and make peace with it yourself. If she brings it up she brings it up, if she doesn’t, then you shouldn’t either. Hope you’re feeling better.

Post # 165
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

[content moderated for snark, personal attack]

Post # 166
Member
1616 posts
Bumble bee

@athame1983:  Well I obviously have now. Two PPs explained where the rumor came from and I graciously thanked them. You could have tried that. Why didn’t you?

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