My Mr. Patience

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
436 posts
Helper bee

I have never heard of anyone taking that long to select an actual ring.  Most online stores have a time period where you can exchange the ring if you don’t like it, so he isn’t making an irreversible decision if he picks the wrong one.  Stores also have that policy, often 30 days.  If he’s really been ring shopping, he would know that already.

To me, it sounds like he is dragging his feet.  I couldn’t tell you why, but if you two started dating thinking you don’t ever want to marry, then that might still be in the back of his mind. Talk to him and find out if you two are on the same page.  Be open and honest, and expect him to do the same.  Nobody takes this long to find a ring. 

Post # 17
Member
7348 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
DrAtkins :  this is a great idea!

OP- my husband and I designed my ring together (because he’s a creative and I’m very specific and we wanted a ring that hit the sweet spot for both of us). It was a lot of fun! I keep saying that it felt like we went on a treasure hunt together. Why not so it together so you can make progress and your guy knows you will be happy?

Post # 18
Member
5244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

This is crazy, you have already discussed engagement, set a date together, you are aware he is shopping for rings to there is no surprise anyway why not just pick a ring? Literally no one takes a year to pick a ring. He isn’t even the one wearing it! 

Post # 19
Member
333 posts
Helper bee

My partner told me that before we had our timeline conversation he was considering just buying a plain band to propose with and then we could pick the ring together. In the end I spent a long time looking for a ring myself and we would talk every so often about my progress. He could do something similar, so buy a cheaper, stand in ring and propose with that, and then you could both spend time searching for the real ring, whilst beginning to plan your wedding at the same time? I don’t know how you are managing to stay patient! He is certainly taking a long time to choose the ring!

Post # 20
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee

My fiancé wasn’t sure what to get me either, so I picked my own ring. He bought it a day or so later, and proposed a month after that. If my fiancé were not ready to propose, he would never have brought up the subject of rings. We casually discussed marriage plenty of times over 5 years, and I knew when he was ready, he would propose. When he suggested ring shopping, it meant he was ready to ask me. 

it were me, I would have an honest discussion with your SO about the real reason he is stalling. 

Post # 21
Member
824 posts
Busy bee

I am familiar with this sort of pouting and guilt tripping. He’s been procrastinating and not prioritizing this, and he is trying to shift blame by acting like you’re being discourteous to him with your impatience. Do not be cowed by this. He’s had plenty of time. He doesn’t get to dick around for over a year and expect you to sit by indefinitiely and be wowed by his effort when he finally gets around to exerting it. 

Post # 22
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee

If your focus is on actually getting married/engaged, why not just tell him you don’t want a ring? Some random piece of jewelery shouldn’t stand between you and planning a future. 

If he still isn’t comfortable with it, it isn’t the challenge of shopping–its that he isn’t certain as to what he wants. 

Post # 23
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
annabananabee :  Not only do you not need a ring to be engaged, you don’t need one to be married! 

OP, if I were you I would not postpone the wedding you set a date for TWO YEARS IN ADVANCE. Call his bluff, if that’s what this is. “Ok! I don’t need a ring, let’s get moving on wedding plans. How many people do you think we should invite?” and see how he responds. Did you book a venue?

Post # 24
Member
5 posts
Newbee

 

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nr2bb :  The bees want to help, but please think before making any assumptions. You know this person better than the bees, you’ll know if he is really making excuses. I would suggest having a conversation with him, just ask straight forward why its taking so long, and that you’d like to know what’s happening.  There is nothing to be embrassased about, especially if you two wants to get married, you have to be able to trust and speak honestly about these stuff to eachother. Assumptions can hurt your relationship!

Post # 26
Member
287 posts
Helper bee

Just tell him what you want already so he can go and buy it lol .. sounds like you’ve been trying to help. Hopefully he gets something soon. But if I were you I’d pick one myself and say “this is the one!”

Post # 27
Member
5464 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d really have to look far and wide for a jeweler that only carries 14kt gold and not 18kt or platinum. 

Post # 29
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
nr2bb :  AHHHH Please update! When is the family trip taking place??

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