(Closed) My Mum really hurt me over my Wedding……

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow that’s awful!

I don’t really have any advice for you but I hope you figure something out. She needs to know how much she hurt you. Could you maybe write her a letter explaining how you feel? That way she’ll at least hear/read you out before trying any guilt trips of her own….

Hugs, good luck!

Post # 4
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Aw, I’m sorry that your mom has ruined your wedding experience.  *hugs*

I don’t really have any words of advice.  I would say that even if you told her how you feel, she seems the type to (as you said) switch it around on you. 

Perhaps writing her a letter will help you get your emotions out and it would keep her from cutting you off before she’s done with the letter?

Post # 5
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

*Hugs* I’m very sorry your mom was so difficult throughout the entire process.  I completely understand why your feelings are hurt. It sounds like this is her normal standard for behavior.

I’m not 100% sure I would confront her.  It sounds like she’s done this type of thing in the past so you already have an idea as to how she is going to respond.  Do you think speaking to her about it will make you feel better or worse knowing what how she’ll likely react?  Do you think speaking to her about it will change your relationship for the better or have a positive impact on her behavior? 

If you think it won’t help or make you feel better, then I’d honestly skip the conversation.  Why put yourself through more disappointment?  You cannot reason with the unreasonable.  Sometimes you just have to figure out how to accept that fact and do your best to move on.  You are married now and it’s time to focus on your new wonderful husband who will help build you up and support you as opposed to making you feel like crap.

We can’t help who are parents are but we can try to manage those relationships in order to safeguard ourselves.

Post # 6
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I wouldn’t talk with her about it, just live your life with your new husband and be civil with your mother. I wouldn’t inititate anything, I would talk with her when and if she ever decides to contact you… it’s not healthy hoping things will change when obviously they won’t.

Post # 7
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

(((Hugs))) It sounds ike your mom is a real pill with or without her new man. He might be making the situation worse but only because she allows or wants him to. Your mom sound like she just didn’t want to come to the wedding and was using any and every excuse to get out of it. Truthfully parents are just people. Some are really good at being parents some are terrible at it. Sounds like yours is incrediably selfish. I would recommend that you seriously distance yourself from her. Sounds like she has hurt you many times in the past and her behavior isn’t going to stop. You need to decide if you want your future children around her. Honestly think about it. You don’t want them getting hurt the way she hurts you. I also have a very difficult mother and I’ve decided to break ties with her so she doesn’t yell/scream at or around my children.

Post # 8
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

And by the way, Welcome the the weddingbee community! We’re glad to help out with any problems!

Post # 10
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

*HUGS!* I can’t even begin to imagine what that feels like.  It sounds like your mom is a little selfish.  She loves you, but in her own way.  It’s really more her loss, then yours. Will she ever figure that out? Who knows… but you won’t be waiting.  Keep strong girl.  I think you may just have to accept her for who she is, and at least you know what you can expect from her.  Is there an aunt or grandmother that you have that you can become closer to if you do need a mother figure in your life? 

Congrats on your pregnancy!! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@KiddoG:  Congratulations!!

If you want, there is a group for new mommys in weddingbee in the boards, under parenthood: there is (pregnancy, babies, TTC and parenting) but we are happy to have you here too!

Click on the link…http://boards.weddingbee.com/view/nesting

Post # 12
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KiddoG:  Your outlook is great! I was going to comment maybe talking to your mother would be like talking to a brick wall: not worth it.She would find a way to hurt you more. Concentrate on yourself and congrats on the bun inthe oven! I’m baking a little cupcake myself who is due in late February!

Post # 13
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I wish I had something helpful to say here, but I don’t. I just wanted to post to send hugs your way.

Post # 15
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am so sorry your Mom is behaving this way. But it sounds like this is just her regular personality. Some people never grow up and think of others no matter how old they get. I agree with many of the PP that you should just let it go and start living your amazing new life. And if you choose to be a Mother, be the mother that she never was to you. In some part that may make up for all the hurt she has done to you. My FIs mother sounds very similar to yours. She is very selfish and has actually boycotted our wedding because she thinks I have brainwashed her son into marrying me, but she is just selfish and doesn’t see him for who he truly is.

I wish you the best in your marriage and in all things! We can only control what we do, not how others treat us. So just continue to be the kind and loving person you seem to be and all will balance out in the world. 🙂

Post # 16
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I am very sorry—- I hope you mother realizes that she is ruining your relationship with her.

The topic ‘My Mum really hurt me over my Wedding……’ is closed to new replies.

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