(Closed) My neighbor is critical of our adoption plan. What do you think?

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The nerve of some people.

Clearly you are a very caring individual who has the patience and love in your heart for a child that many other people would not be so willing to care for. That is in no way collecting, that is selfless and you are way more qualified than most.

Watch this video, Emmanuel Kelly an adopted amputee – this guy on XFactor last year. The woman who adopted him as a child is a hero. And look at how amazing he grew up to be and loves her so much.


Some people are just stupid. Don’t listen.

Post # 4
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MrsFuzzyFace:  I think your neighbor is very insensitive.  How is helping out a child in need of a loving family bizarre?  Some people are afraid to have children with deformities, mental illnesses, physical disabilities, etc. and it is very sad. Kudos to you for wanting to care and love children who are not considered “normal”.

Post # 5
2354 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I think that was a horrible thing of your neighbor to say!

My Fiance and his older sister were both adopted. (Although they are from separate families.)

When his older sister was about five or six, she developed brain cancer. She is now 26 and is one of the longest living survivors of that type of cancer. Her parents don’t necessarily have to take care of her *too* much, but she does still live at home and it looks like she may always live at home.

My Future Mother-In-Law is an administrator at the high school that my Fiance and I used to attend. They had two South Korean exchange students there (brothers), who were living with a Korean pastor. Long story short, the school found out that this ‘pastor’ was really taking advantage of these boys financially, and was also forcing them to do extremely heavy physical labor on the weekends.

The thing is, the older one had a massive brain tumor and had to have much of his brain removed. He is still functional, though because of the tumor is two years behind in school and struggles a bit, as well as having damaged eyesight. The exhaustive physical labor these brothers were doing was taking a serious toll on his health, as he hadn’t had his tumor removed long before that.

At first the school was looking for other guardians for the boys, and Future Mother-In-Law was asking around trying to find a place to live.

After a couple of days of serious consideration, talking it over with her husband, and prayer, she went to the school and asked to take custody of the boys. She felt that she was uniquely qualified to care for them since she had been through a brain trauma with a child of her own.

They’ve been living with my Future In-Laws for about a year now, and the older one calls them “Mama” and “Papa.” It is so sweet.

So I completely understand what you’re doing, and I totally support you wanting to take care of another child like your own. <3

Post # 6
433 posts
Helper bee


Your neighbour is an idiot.  Of course it makes sense to adopt a child whose needs you understand.  I don’t think your daughter will feel she’s not special.  That’s so ridiculous I can’t even fathom where she’d get that idea from.  If you adopt a child who isn’t an amputee will that make your other daughter feel that she’s not special?  Like wtf does that even mean?  As if being an amputee is the only thing that’s special about her?  I’d probably never speak to that neighbour again if it was me.

Post # 7
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013


You are a saint. I have the utmost respect for you and your want to help children in need. If only more people would be like you the world would be in a better place.

Do not listen to your neighbor. Wanting to adopt a child because you have the resources and the love to give is amazing. And that you want to help a special needs child, especially siblings, is just wonderful. You have the experience and love to help her grow and cope with difficulties she will face in her life, which is more than most foster homes would be able to offer. Go ahead with your plans! Don’t let the insecurities and fears of others make you doubt yourself. You know what you want and can offer, not your neighbor. 

Im sure your neighbor is a good person. She is probably just thinking how hard it would be for her to cope/handle having a child with a condition that required an amputee. And is projecting her fears onto other peoples’ abilities to cope/handle one child with special needs, let alone two.

as to her concern of it making your daughter feel less “special” I would talk to your daughter about that. Have you spoken to your girls about adopting, and adopting another special needs child? Don’t speculate on what she may be thinking, let her tell you herself. Even if she is younger, “from the mouthes of babes comes truth”

Post # 8
7685 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsFuzzyFace: You and your husband have obviously been thinking this over for a long time, and have thought it through.

Your neighbor was giving her instant reaction after about 2 minutes’ “thought”.

So what I think is that you know what you’re doing and your neighbor should shut up, and think before she speaks.

Post # 9
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Your neighbor lacks social etiquette. I’m sure you know your child better than she does.

Post # 10
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

it’s wonderful that you are looking to adopt a child that other couples may not be able to care for. that is something to celebrate! and rather than telling your dughter that she is ‘not special’ it would reinforce that ‘she is not different’ and that there are other children just like her. i think it would be a very positive thing for her and your whole family!

your neighbour is just that – a neighbour. you know what’s best for your children and your family. it sounds like you have a wonderful adoption plan to help another very vulnerable child who may never be adopted. congrats on being an awesome person 🙂

Post # 11
13248 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My first thought is: who cares what your neighbor thinks?  It’s your family, so it’s your decision.

Personally, I think it’s noble of you to seek out a child who has disability, because so often, those are the ones who are left in the system for far too long.  So many parents look for the “perfect” child with no known complications, so the fact that you are (1) prepared and willing to handle this challenge, (2) have children who will already be accepting of the child, and (3) able to adequately care for a second special needs child (emotionally, financially, physically, etc), I don’t see why your neighbor’s poorly made opinion really matters.

Post # 12
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Your neighbor is a jerk.  I think it’s wonderful that you are willing to adopt a child who will have some special needs.  Because you’re right–most couples will pass them up because they won’t feel prepared to handle that.

Post # 13
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

You should have confidence in your decision to open your home to more kids, regardless of what your silly neighbor thinks. Don’t let her damage your plans. She forgot to collect brain cells, so the one that IS firing obviously feels special enough to give bad advice.

Post # 14
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@MrsFuzzyFace:  Ignore her!  What you are planning to do is wonderful, and the fact that you are willing to take on a child who would be probably looked over in the adoption circles because of their disability is fantastic. 

Your daughter doesn’t need to be the only child in the family who is an amputee to feel “special”.  Being in a home with parents who love her and her sister so much, and having taught her parents the joy of raising a child with a congenital condition that they now have the confidence, the means and the love to want to open their home to other children, less fortunate, will make her, just like her sister feel very special and extremely blessed.

Post # 15
3667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think your neighbor needs to STFU. “Collecting” children with special needs is clearly not your intention, and it’s not weird at all that you would want to adopt a child whose needs you feel prepared to deal with. Also, I obviously don’t know your daughter, but my first thought was that it would be nice for her to have someone to relate to, not that she would be jealous.

Post # 16
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

o.O What a stupid thing to say? On some many levels? First of all Leah is special not because she’s an amputee, but because she’s simply Leah! Every child is unique and special inhertantly. As for as the collection comment I can’t even go there, cause it so beyond ignorant I just can’t even think straight enough to comment on that foolishness. F them. Seriously. 

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