(Closed) My nephew…was I rude?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

(which she would – seriously I imagine it like lion king her holding her son up from standing on a chair at my cocktail hour)

this made me laugh. 

At first I though you were being a little over the top but when reading further it really seems like she wants to use the platform to introduce her son . Which is sweet but not the time and the place , and I think she should have dropped it the first few times you said no.

Post # 4
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@jboltz19: You’re not wrong, but you’re not right either.  If you don’t want him in pictures or at the wedding/dinner, that’s certainly your perogative, but I think you could have communicated more diplomatically with your sister.  I also don’t think having a nephew at your wedding will in any way steal your thunder.  (I say this with nephew who is an only grandchild and therefore rather accustomed to be being the center of attention perspective as well, who will most definitely be invited to the wedding and reception).  I would suggest that you consider a compromise and invite him to the rehearsal dinner so that he can meet folks, without taking away from your day.

Post # 5
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee

You certainly don’t have to invite any guest you don’t want in attendance, regardless of age.  However, even if everything is within the guidelines of etiquette it can still cause hurt feelings.

Only you can decide if your desire for a child-free wedding over-rides the fall out from the family for not inviting him.

Post # 6
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I personally find it extremely weird you don’t want your own nephew at your wedding. How old is he? I’d be very upset if I was your sister and expected to leave the baby all day. Is she in the wedding party? I think having someone take him aside for the ceremony if you’re worried about crying would be reasonable. I don’t understand the whole “thunder stealing” thing at all brides get upset about. My nephew was 3 weeks old at my wedding and I bought him a super cute outfit for the occasion, I was super excited to have him and all the other babies there.

Post # 7
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You can only oohh and aaww over a baby for so long. If they have someone to watch him during the ceremony, so he isn’t crying, and then pass him around for a little while during the reception it shouldn’t interfere to much with your day. Chances are, he will be sleeping most of the time and people can only be so entertained by a sleeping baby. You know that at least half the people (the non-baby relatives) there probably won’t be making a fuss at all. If your sister is anything like most moms of a young infant, she’ll probably be exhausted herself an hour into your reception and leave early.

Post # 9
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think it’s your sister’s right to decide whether her kid comes to your wedding or not. You’re the bride, and babies are loud/unpredictable. During no part of the day is the purpose of things introducing her baby to people–the point is celebrating you and your husband. I was in a similar boat with my cousin (who was angry that her TRIPLETS had to sit outside of the ceremony room) and I think you should fully exert your right to being the center of attention on your big day!

Post # 11
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

while i dont think you are completely wrong, i think your reasoning is a little selfish (though you admitted that) There is no way you would compete with a baby at your own wedding. To be completely honest you will be too busy with everything else to even notice who is holding or ooing and awwing over that baby. you will have wayy too many things to do and people to entertain.

with that said….I was really glad my sister didnt bring my nephew to my wedding – BUT it was because i wanted her to enjoy herself and celebrate with me and the rest of the bridal party (she was my partner in crime during my single days ). I love my nephew to death, seriously, he is the best thing that has happened to our family! (he is also the first grandchild) and i would have never told her he couldnt come. I kinda wish he was in my wedding pictures now that i think about it.

BUT with her being in the wedding party, it was best for everyone that he wasnt there, she wouldnt have been able to enjoy herself nearly as much and as Maid/Matron of Honor she had some duties she wouldnt have been able to do with a baby there.

couldnt she bring her son to the rehearsal? thats what my sister did, that way our extended family and oot guests could still meet him for the first time.

Post # 13
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think that considering both her and her husband are in the wedding party, it’s not unreasonable to want her to get a babysitter. If she was just attending as a guest, then I would probably tell you to let it go and let her bring her son.

I am having an adult-only wedding, with the exception of our neices and nephews, so I know where you are coming from (to an extent)

I think that if she wants to have her son in the photos so bad, she should figure out a way to get him there and back with the babysitter, without the babysitters attending cocktail hour. So she’s thanking her babysitters on your dime? That wouldn’t sit well with me. Hope it all works out!

Post # 14
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I guess I personally feel at a night-time “traditional” reception with dinner and drinking and loud music babies are a bit out of place.  I would want my nephew in pictures and would probably have him at the ceremony only and not the reception.  As for the baby getting all the attention,  I don’t think anything is going to compare to people craning their necks to get a view of you in your gown for the first time.

Were you rude?  I would say no,  you gave your answer and giving an answer that the other person doesn’t want doesn’t equal rude.

Post # 15
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I honestly couldn’t imagine telling either of my sisters that their children were not welcome at my wedding/reception.

I don’t really care about what the circumstances are for this to be honest. It seems just wrong in my opinion. Family and your very own nephew should be included.

Sorry.

 

ETA: I am all kinds of bitchy today so I’m not trying to be super nasty if I came off that way. I just don’t agree.  So, sorry for being any kind of nasty if I was. **Goes to get Chocolate**

Post # 16
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

you have every right to not want a baby at your wedding. it’s your wedding day, not their time to introduce the baby to everyone.  Afterall, I’m sure you didn’t bring a baby to their wedding. (haha)

I don’t understand why people feel so entitled about their children. Even if it was family, I wouldn’t bring my kid to a wedding. It’s an adult event.

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