(Closed) My nephew…was I rude?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I dont think you are wrong. If you really dont want kids other than those in the bridal party there then thats how it should be. I think its more than fair that the baby can be there for pictures and at the brunch. I say stick to your guns and your sis will get over it.

Post # 18
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I can see your point.  I don’t think you’re being unreasonable as your sister has made it clear that she wants a lot of the attention on her son, as most people at the wedding will never have seen him before.

I think you making concessions to having him in the photos and also coming to the rehearsal dinner are enough. 

Post # 19
141 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think you are wrong and good for you for standing your ground. I would personally be thinking this way if it came up so I can understand your position. 

Post # 20
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

She does not get a say. It is YOUR wedding. How dare she demand he be in the pics. It is not a family reunion with a photographer, it is a wedding with a bride and groom. Anyone who is invited should consider themselves honored. 


I mean I wont let my brother wear his dress blues at my wedding for that purpose. He wants attention for looking good in them and being in the army. I said sorry dude. You refused to wear them when you were getting married, you are not wearing them at my wedding. 

YOU ARE 100% valid.

Post # 21
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’m on the fence. I didn’t want children at my wedding, but we allowed my SIL and Brother-In-Law to bring their kids if they chose (SIL brought her daughter, Brother-In-Law left his kids with a sitter). They’re immediate family.

Post # 23
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My sister is giving birth tomorrow!  My nephew (her 3 year old) is my ringbearer and thus invited to all wedding related events.  However, my new neice is NOT in the wedding (she will be 9 weeks old).  My brother in law will be with the baby during the ceremony (as my sis is my MOH) and I’m sure they will keep her up through cocktail hour (and this will probably be a meet and greet for most of the family!)  For dinner though she is not invited and we will have a baby sitter come to the hotel.  

Its family…be flexible!  Nothing can steal your thunder! 🙂

Post # 24
1456 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I say go you, 100%.  I can see how your sister can make YOUR day about her and her kid.  YOUR wedding is not the grand reveal party for an infant.  Stick to your guns! You are in the right!

Post # 25
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think you’re wrong at all. It’s your wedding and if you don’t want your nephew present, that’s completely your choice. My fiance and I are basically in the same situation you are. We don’t want his nieces at our wedding because my fiance’s brother/SIL will turn our event into something that is all about them. We’ve already made it known that our rehearsal dinner/ceremony/reception are child free. 

Post # 26
10282 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m in virtually the exact same situation, except no-one is really fighting me on my decisions (which is awesome!). FI’s brother and SIL just had their first baby like 2 weeks ago. This is the first real grandchild for Future Mother-In-Law (others are step) so naturally she’s obsessed, which is understandable. I will hand it to her though, she’s been great about the baby and our wedding. She is trying to be equally involved in both big events which I really appreciate. 

Part of my reasons for not wanting the baby at our wedding are entirely selfish and have everything to do with the attention factor but I mostly just don’t want baby screams ruining everything (I realize that’s dramatic but deal with it, I’ve had a long day! lol). As much as everyone thinks their kids are perfect little angels, they are very unpredictable and can shreik at any moment. I’m not willing to sacrafice the embiance that I’ve worked hard for on a little human who has no control of their emotions. I also don’t think that weddings are at all appropriate for infants.

Without even discussing the topic with Future Brother-In-Law & Future Sister-In-Law they arranged for her parents to come out for the weekend to watch their daughter. We’re getting married at a resort so they will stay with her in the room and Future Sister-In-Law will go back and forth to feed. They both want to be able to enjoy our wedding (FBIL is the best man) and having to tend to a baby won’t really allow that. I think this works out best for everyone. I imagine their daughter will more than likely be at the Rehearsal Dinner (since FIL’s are hosting it) and we’ll probably arrange for her to be in a picture or two if it’s requested. Other than that, she’ll be visiting with her long distance grandparents in the hotel room.

Wow, that was long winded and I didn’t even answer your question yet! lol

You have every right to want your moment in the spotlight without any interferences. I think it’s very accomidating of you to include him in some pictures and misc. wedding festivities. Like I said above, I don’t think weddings are appropriate for infants, regardless of the circumstances. That alone validates your points for me. 

Post # 27
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I say that you’re in the right here. My screw-up Future Brother-In-Law and his SO of a few months are pregnant (a whole other story) and the baby will be born in late February. So we’ll essentially have the same problem, but with a three month old child/FI’s ridiculous brother and girlfriend who do the “lion king” thing with their dogs already (They completely whored their chihauhau out at a charity walk we were doing for their late brother to every media outlet they could find). I’m dreading it already- I consider cancelling this wedding all the time solely because of all the ridiculous people with children on FI’s side attending.

Unfortunately we’re stuck with inviting children because FI’s side is riddled with them. But if I could have an all adult wedding I would- don’t compromise if you don’t have to!


Post # 28
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I have to agree with most everyone else as well. We are going to have a 21 and iver policy, just make your rules and stick to them. Someone will always have a problem with something, prepare for them to show up with the kid, and prepare you venue to poliety escort them out. Chances are they will bring him no matter what.

Post # 29
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you’re in the right. Stand your ground, if you’re not having kids that includes your sister’s baby.

Post # 30
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I won’t say that you’re wrong. But I do think that’s rude. Believe me, I don’t like kids! And imagine having TWO babies born within a month of each other take over the excitement of my wedding. Both the mother’s (SILs) were in my wedding, and I was panicking about who would watch the babies during the ceremony. My one rule was the NO baby would be walking down the aisle with grandma or mom or whoever… I didn’t even have a ring bearer or flower girl. I was extremely scared that they would take over my day… but they didn’t. We wanted all of our family (including the little ones) to be at our wedding. Nobody else’s kids were invited, but our family’s kids were! I think that’s a big compromise.

From experience, I don’t think the baby will take over your wedding day. He/she will be asleep most of the time anyway. I would be offended if I couldn’t bring my child (part of my family) to my family’s wedding. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Just my opinion though. Like I said, you’re not wrong IMO but it does seem rude.

ETA: I don’t have any kids. I was just using it as an example.

Post # 31
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Does anyone else thinks it’s weird that the sister wants the babysitters to come to the cocktail hour? “As a nice way to thank them?” 1) Thank them with a bottle of wine, not by inviting them to crash an hour of wedding at which they presumably know no one. 2) They are either going to drink and then hop into a car to DRIVE her new infant home OR…what? Have some iced tea and appetizers socializing with strangers? I think her wanting to invite them is purely motivated by wanting extra time to introduce her baby to everyone.

That being said, I probably would let almost any member of my family get away with that and not mind. However, every member of my family would NOT do the whole Lion King scenario, and I would probably feel differently if I thought they would. I think having the baby at the ceremony (she can show him off beforehand if really necessary) and brunch is a great compromise.  

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