(Closed) My nephew…was I rude?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 48
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t blame you. I don’t want crying in the middle of my ceremony, and yeah, this is a time to have the spotlight on you and it is very possible that a new baby would take that away. Any other day I’d say to just invite him, but this is your wedding and your decision and you know how your family is. If you say no then she needs to respect it. Plus, doesn’t she want to have fun and dance one night baby-free??

Post # 50
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I do not have a new baby in the family that will need to be invited (or not) to my wedding.  Nor do I have children of my own.

But I do haveve a sibling.  And a mother.  And an upcoming wedding.  And in order of importance… the perfect wedding and all eyes on me during the wedding ranks WAY lower than my relationship with my mother or my brother.

Is your sister being foolish and a bit selfish?  Well, yes… she might be wrongly assuming that it’s OK to pass around the baby during your wedding reception.  But- if the out of town family hasn’t met him yet it WILL be his intruduction to them, even if she sits quietly in the corner with him and avoids ALL Lion King-esqe thrusting of the baby in to the spot light. (Great image by the way!)

I agree – your nephew should be with a sitter during the ceremony.  Both his parents will be busy, and that’s a serious time.  During photos, have that squirt join you.  Like you’ve told your sister would be OK.

But I suggest that during the cocktail hour – which is usually informal anyway – you let little nephew come visit.  Let the family meet the baby.  He’ll only be there a short time, then whisked off again, before you’re even introduced.  Even if your sister does manage to make a scene, you’ll still be taking pictures (I assume?) – or at least not in the middle of toasts and first dances! – so it won’t be a distraction.

People will probably forget all about the baby by the time you cut the cake.  I know I would… They came for a wedding.

Give your sister her times and her boundaries and she’ll know her limits.  Make them reasonable and she’ll be more likely to respect them.  Lock her son out completley and you’ll hurt feelings, have people asking about the baby (it’ll be forbidden fruit if they can’t see him!) and you can bet she’ll do something you don’t like.  I think a small compromise is a better option.

Post # 51
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@UmbrellaMoon:

Well said!  I agree, compromise is the best option here.  You don’t want her being all resentful that she “wasn’t allowed” to bring him.  Especially if guests start to ask where he is, no doubt she will make you look bad.  I would allow him to be there, (have the neighbour watch him during the ceremony), and make RULES with your sister… eg:  crying episodes, he is taken somewhere else until he calms down.  I really don’t think the baby will end up stealing your thunder, just set boundaries.

Post # 52
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

I think you’ve already made a good compromise. Your Out of Town guests will be able to meet your nephew at the brunch after the wedding. As for in town guests, you sister can throw her own party. You don’t want to have any stress or even a hint of resentment over your nephew being there on your wedding day. It’ll only get worse because you’ll probably brew on it. You sister is being rude for not compromising with you. It’s not like you are not letting your nephew come meet the family at all during wedding events. 

Post # 53
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Oneeleven: It is not his wedding it is not his call. Plain and simple. He refuses to be associated with the army at any other time and it is not going to happen at my wedding just because in his words “he wants people to make a fuss over my awesome army dress blues.” 

There is no need to be rude or judgmental.

Post # 54
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I totally do not blame you or think you are selfish AT ALL!  You don’t want a baby at your wedding.  Period.  The end.  You are the bride, not your sister.  It is very clear that she is just dying to show off her baby, and take the attention off of your wedding.  I can’t stand people like that.  You didn’t go to the hospital when she gave birth in your wedding dress, did you?  Lol! 

I am only having wedding party children at my wedding.  It might be weird to some people that no other kids in the family are allowed, but whatever, it’s my day!

Post # 56
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think that it is wise to not invite screaming kids to the ceremony, but after that, I wouldn’t care.  I bet you will be so busy on your wedding day that you would be glad that there is a baby there to share the spotlight.

And think of it this way, if a relative asks your sister why she didn’t bring the baby, your sister might respond in a snarky way like, “jboltz wanted all the attention on her!”

If it were me, and it’s not because I’m an only child, but if it were me, I would ask my sister to bring the kid to the coctail hour.  Chances are she won’t want to be lugging the kid around for the entire reception anyway.

Post # 57
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ItWasntMe:

 

@Crisark:

She didn’t request opinions, she asked if she was rude during her conversation with her sister, and she wasn’t. I don’t see anywhere where she asked whether or not anyone agreed with her decision to not invite children, and that is what you two were posting about. I thought it was rude of you to say that it’s silly for a reception to be adults only and that it’s just wrong to not invite children who are family. She already made that decision, and lots of brides make that same exact decision, it is in no way rude.

Post # 58
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I don’t think you’re being rude or out of line, but I’m doing the same thing (though my sister isn’t quite ridiculous about being an attention hog as yours appears to be).  I have two nephews under 6 on my side, and the Fiance has two under 8 on his…and none of the four are invited.  I’m sorry, in my opinion, “they’re family” isn’t a good enough reason to invite them to the wedding children or not.  The youngest person will be 16 at my wedding.  If my nephews were 16, they’d be ther, but they’re not and I don’t want kids at my wedding, family or not.

Post # 59
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you have already made a good compromise. It is your day and your decision. She will have many more weddings in her future where children are not invited.

Post # 60
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Colonial Country Club, Ft. Myers, FL

Your sister should just throw the kid his own “Introduction the the Family” party, AT HER OWN EXPENSE.

 

 

Post # 61
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I can’t even believe some of what I’m reading… that’s her SISTER. If my brother had a baby I would be upset if he didn’t bring him or her. Families celebrate each other. Weddings aren’t about being Queen for a Day. It’s about love and family, people forget that!

Of course babies should not be allowed to scream through the ceremony and I have no issue with child free receptions, but some of what I am reading…. yeah, wow.

The topic ‘My nephew…was I rude?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors