Post # 106
I think the clear answer is – avoid the SIL. She doesn’t deserve you or your company. Is it early worth poisoning your body with anger? Just cut her out of your lives and be done with it. Her cowardice in refusing to talk to you speaks volumes.
Post # 107
gingerkitty: I’m calling BS too. She woke up a sleeping 10 year old to hold a crying baby???? That makes no sense. So either SIL is lying or is stupid.
Personally, I would avoid SIL. If and when SIL wants to apologise, she can take the initiative and do it herself.
Post # 108
Yeah wow. What a complete idiot. I too am wondering if SIL is just trying to damage control by making up some story to make it sound better.. which it doesnt. Like someone else said before, could grace have put him on the rug?
This is probably one of those cases where you will never know exactly what happened but either way that SIL would never be trusted again.
Post # 109
Id have to avoid SIL, to prevent myself from strangling her until her eyeballs popped out of her head. If her story is true, while she warmed up the bottle, your baby could have suffocated. My first and overriding instinct as a mother is to protect my child. And that’s a newborn she was responsible for. There is no explanation that would make this kind of negligence somehow better.
Post # 110
I would send word through Mother-In-Law that by avoiding you now she’s adding insult to injury and making things 1000 times worse, if that’s possible.
Post # 111
anon1234bee: The fact that she is avoiding you continues to speak volumes about the type of person she is. I also call complete bullshit on the story, but the damage has already been done so she can spin the facts as much as she wants. Nothing will justify the complete lack of common sense and the danger she placed your baby in. At this point, I would enjoy your baby and husband. When she tries to approach you or your Darling Husband, then have it out with her face to face. She doesn’t deserve to be forgiven or to have this let go, but I’m not sure you need to be the one taking any initiative here. She is really not doing herself any favors ignoring you, but for now it may be best to try and focus on your sweet baby. So sorry again. Terrible situation to deal with.
Post # 112
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
Why is your husband not handling any of this?? I also think one or both of you need to pull Grace aside and let her know how proud you are that she was honest and did the right thing to tell someone and that you are in no way upset with her and you hope to have her over sometime to spend time with the baby (or somthing like that)! Despite your SIL’s sad excuse for a story, I don’t think that matters. What matters are the facts: Your baby fell and she didn’t tell you! Because of that she will never ever see your baby alone again. End. Of. Story.
Post # 113
anon1234bee: Does SIL and niece/nephew live with MIL?
if she does, you won’t be able to take LO over to Mother-In-Law at all, at least I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t ever be able to trust SIL again, ESPECIALLY since she tried to hide the whole incident.
Post # 114
Seems to me that the only truth to be had is from Grace.
That said.. does it even matter anymore? What is there to be gained from knowing the story, at this point? It’s either as SIL says, and is fucking ridiculous, or it’s worse. You’re cutting her off anyway, might as well make it clean, and avoid the heartache any further “truth” would likely bring you.
Talking to SIL won’t get you anywhere–you can’t trust her, her instinct is to lie. You know this. Talkign to Grace might, but she’s been through enough.. I’m sure her grandmother and mother aren’t very happy with each other right about now, and she’s caught in the middle of this. I’d accept you’ll never get the truth of this, and just thank your lucky stars and whatever deities you pray to that nothing worse happened.
I’m glad you have your Mother-In-Law on your side. It’s both good to know you can react to this without being “the irrational one”, to know you have a mother in law who is trustworthy (if not baby-sitter material), and that you have one less person to hate.
*hugs* I wish you all the strength you need to get through this.
Post # 115
Your Darling Husband needs to speak to Grace and tell her that you are both thankful that she told the truth and that you still love her and aren’t mad at her for something that wasn’t her fault. Let her that know she can come over and see your LO anytime. Then he can tell Mother-In-Law that if she wants to see your LO it will have to be at your place, because both of you are done with SIL and do not want any contact with her. but I can’t stress this enough-He has to do this. HE has to show SIL you are united front and that it isn’t you being dramamtic. Her brother feels exactly the same way.
As for her not responding to you, she’s a coward and a liar. It’s not a surprise.
Post # 116
I keep checking back for updates. This thread is just so horrifying. But I do hope that you are able to find peace and manage dealing with family as best you can.
Given her inexcusable behavior and her inability to discuss it with you, I would honestly probably cut SIL out. Still be cool with Mother-In-Law and if you ever get to see Grace (maybe when she’s with MIL), but I would stop contacting SIL altogether. Awkward family functions, so be it. Her fault. Maybe write her a letter explaining this to her — that you were devastated and yes angry but that you have worked through it and calmed down and feel that until she apologizes for ALL OF IT — for what happened, for the lying, for the excuses, for ignoring you in the aftermath, all of it — that you don’t feel you can engage with her at this time, that you will be polite but reserved when/if you should end up in each others’ company at family functions in the future. Then ball’s in her court, and let it go. Hopefully she’s able to do that, and if so, the right thing to do is to forgive. (But not forget, know what I’m sayin?)
Post # 117
I’m angry for you. What’s your SIL’s phone number? I’ll call her.
That is absolutely NOT okay. I understand how upsetting it is to realize that your child was potentially in danger and you didn’t even know about it. It’s also a completely unacceptable breach of trust. I would NEVER let them watch my child again and we would be having a very uncomfortable conversation where I let them know that in no uncertain terms. It sounds like your Mother-In-Law lives with SIL- she would have to come to my house to visit the baby.
ETA- I feel really badly for you husband having to hide how upset he was. That was really stressful for both of you and all because his sister is a dumbass.
You have so much sympathy from me. That’s terribly upsetting.
Post # 118
- Wedding: July 2015 - Beautiful place.
anon1234bee: OMG!!!! Bee so so so sorry!!!! I don’t have kids yet but, I was nanny for few years and I wtach my nephews/Godson all the time, now they are 4 and 2, but I have had new born babies in my care a lot!!!
I can’t even beging to say how wrong the situation was and how glad I’m you baby is ok.
If it’s any consolation, my brother in law dropped my godson in the bath when he was about a month old, my sister almost killed him, of course.
He’s 4 now, and is ruining upstairs playing hide and seek.
Take a deep deep deep breath and forgive them. (I think I would have killed them. 😒)
again, I’m so glad your baby is on. Big hugs to you!!! 🌹
Post # 119
- Wedding: July 2015 - Beautiful place.
anon1234bee: just read aboit the whole situation, and I would never let SIL be with my baby again, and also I’d stop Trying to reach her, she should be the one Apologizing to you and your husband AND your baby.
If I were to meet her again, I’d be polite (but really wanting to punch her face off) but that’s it.
For your sanity let go. (But I still want to punch her for you. You have no idea how angry I’m.)
Post # 120
Backing up the PP who suggested telling Grace she did the right thing- it may haunt her thinking about it still and I imagine it will lift a massive weight off her shoulders to know you’re glad she sid what she did… something like this would’ve eaten away at me when I was her age, knowing that I may have had a part in something even if it wasn’t my fault.
As for SIL, she can’t hide forever. Apparently she doesn’t have a conscience though. So sorry about LO, I’m glad hes okay